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When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

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Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#81

Post by baby »

arcticfox wrote: post #42
dijonman2 wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have heard about a man who remained unmarried his whole life, and when he was dying, ninety years old, somebody asked him, “You have remained unmarried your whole life, but you have never said what the reason was. Now you are dying, at least quench our curiosity. If there is any secret, now you can tell it, because you are dying; you will be gone. Even if the secret is known, it can’t harm you.” The man said, “Yes,…

Osho is just relating a fable here, but I love that guy's way with words. No surprise that his cult community (Rajneeshpuram) was a massive (albeit short-lived) success in my home state, he's just so fascinating to listen to. If anyone is curious, there are a lot of videos of him on Youtube. From Wiki: > Ultimately though, as an explicitly "self-parodying" guru, Rajneesh even deconstructed his own authority, declarin…

This Osho really sounded like an idiot guru every time I tried to listen to him.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#82

Post by hahajk »

bmj wrote: post #74
S_A_P wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

True love is something that takes work. Sure some people mesh better than others, and if you picked your mate mostly on aesthetics you may realize that having someone you like to look at is not the way to sustain a multi decade relationship. I think when it comes to a partner, you have to just decide that you are always willing to meet them where they are. Its not always where you want them to be either. The flipside…

The Christian theologian Stanley Hauerwas put it this way: When couples come to ministers to talk about their marriage ceremonies, ministers think it’s interesting to ask if they love one another. What a stupid question! How would they know? A Christian marriage isn’t about whether you’re in love. Christian marriage is giving you the practice of fidelity over a lifetime in which you can look back upon the marriage an…

I had a girlfriend in high school/college for four years; I’ve been with my wife for over 15. Looking back on my high school relationship I can say I was in love, if I know anything about love from my marriage. The same feelings of interdependency and shared identity. It’s popular to look at young people and think they can’t know love but my experience says that’s not true.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#83

Post by the_clarence »

IvyMike wrote: post #76
baskethead wrote: post #41

It's a lovely story, but quite honestly, Alzheimer's/dementia is a shitshow. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and there are many people I despise. There is nothing crueler than dementia. My mom is suffering through dementia right now. We did something similar. We made photo albums, and went through them every day, until my mom stopped responding to them. Within a couple of years, she forgot who we were, or she wo…

I lost a loved one to dementia, and articles like this one make me want to scream. Every experience is different. But most people think "oh, they just start getting forgetful", but as the mind decays, everything, everything , goes. Imagine your parent screaming at you in rage because they are hungry, but they've also decided that they hate every food you put in front of them, and they have refused to eat for two days…

Hopping I won't offend anyone here. There's a history of alzheimer in my family and I actually know a number of families that had to deal with the third generation going cuckoo. I've always thought that, if it would happen to me, or to one of my parents, perhaps the only sane solution would be to kill them. I'm wondering if I'm the only one thinking this. It seems like most of today's culture is about keeping people alive as long as possible, even if they're not themselves anymore, even if they're suffering.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#84

Post by smoyer »

gernb wrote: post #59
nefitty wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love my wife a lot. She's like my shadow, evidence that the sun is in the sky. If she got really sick I would stay with her and care for her. A huge chunk of that is because I'm attached to her, the little human pattern that the universe mumbles out. The other mind that looks at me and convinces me I actually exist. I personally think it's irresponsible to set up these weird transcendental expectations. If anyone r…

My 1st girlfriend's mom told me "never marry someone you can't fart in front of". My sister easily farts (and laughs) in front of her husband. In fact for Christmas he was given a plaque that says "I didn't fart, my ass blew you a kiss"

Another great adage is "Don't marry the person you can live with ... Marry the person you can't live without"

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#85

Post by diskzero »

testfoobar wrote: post #52
diskzero wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife was diagnosed with lymphoma and brain cancer last December and passed this October. I watched her weaken, spring back when a therapy worked, descend into near death when a therapy failed and eventually see her mind and body destroyed by cancer. I hated the illness, the workload, the stress and then unending anxiety of knowing there was little chance of a recovery. I never thought of leaving or not caring for…

I am sorry for your loss.

Thank you.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#86

Post by mensetmanusman »

jholman wrote: post #79
intrasight wrote: post #77

I am recently divorced from my wife of 30 years. I have a girlfriend now, but I am not sure if I'll have sufficient time to develop such stories. It's something that I think about.

My sympathies. My wife of 11 years left me this year (I still don't know why). I think about the same thing... I still (probably) have time to find out what it's like to be married 30 years, but I (probably) no longer have the time to experience a 60-year marriage. And that was, honestly, the only serious goal I had for my life, so that sucks. But, you know, once upon a time a girlfriend of 7 years left me, and I was…

Sorry to hear, know that you carry something like a stab wound now, and that will take time to heal.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#87

Post by mensetmanusman »

coldpie wrote: post #8
elzbardico wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder why people downvoted you. Maybe they don't agree and it is fine, but why try to silence?

I didn't downvote, but I always find "this day and age" kind of sentiments extremely eye-rolly, like things were better in some mythic past.

Life is complicated with many facets, a charitable interpretation is that they are comparing one facet from the past with the present and have found it lacking.

It’s entirely possible that some facets of the past were much better, e.g. today almost half of the US is obese, that certainly is a large change in 50 years…

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#88

Post by hypertele-Xii »

smoyer wrote: post #84
gernb wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My 1st girlfriend's mom told me "never marry someone you can't fart in front of". My sister easily farts (and laughs) in front of her husband. In fact for Christmas he was given a plaque that says "I didn't fart, my ass blew you a kiss"

Another great adage is "Don't marry the person you can live with ... Marry the person you can't live without"

No post body was provided.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#89

Post by hypertele-Xii »

IvyMike wrote: post #76
baskethead wrote: post #41

It's a lovely story, but quite honestly, Alzheimer's/dementia is a shitshow. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and there are many people I despise. There is nothing crueler than dementia. My mom is suffering through dementia right now. We did something similar. We made photo albums, and went through them every day, until my mom stopped responding to them. Within a couple of years, she forgot who we were, or she wo…

I lost a loved one to dementia, and articles like this one make me want to scream. Every experience is different. But most people think "oh, they just start getting forgetful", but as the mind decays, everything, everything , goes. Imagine your parent screaming at you in rage because they are hungry, but they've also decided that they hate every food you put in front of them, and they have refused to eat for two days…

No post body was provided.

Re: When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

#90

Post by hypertele-Xii »

Baeocystin wrote: post #43
baskethead wrote: post #41

It's a lovely story, but quite honestly, Alzheimer's/dementia is a shitshow. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and there are many people I despise. There is nothing crueler than dementia. My mom is suffering through dementia right now. We did something similar. We made photo albums, and went through them every day, until my mom stopped responding to them. Within a couple of years, she forgot who we were, or she wo…

My mother went through the same, and my feelings echo your own. There is absolutely nothing good about losing a loved one to dementia. It is constant pain, for years. I still remember the first time my Mom flinched in fear as I went to give her a hug, as she didn't recognize me. Her greatest fear was losing her mind, and it happened, and there was nothing any of us could do about it. It was a mercy when her body pass…

No post body was provided.
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