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Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

theguardian.com

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Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#81

Post by nicbou »

timmb wrote: post #42

I blitzed through the author’s book 4000 Weeks (on audiobook) earlier this week and it was excellent. It addresses many of the objections to commenters here better than might fit into the Guardian article. One of the main points I took from it is that a failure to acknowledge your limits can actually undermine what you’re trying to achieve. For example, deferring the things that truly matter to you (personal projects…

> The key message for me is that this day today is your life.

I read a similar line during the first lockdown. It was some random comment on reddit but it made a strong impression on me.

"This is also life". Perhaps it's not the ideal version of it, but you can't just sit there and wait for the planets to align. I ended up having many good moments in 2020 and 2021. I didn't get to do what I planned, but it was just as well.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#83

Post by iamsmooney »

In my experience change was only possible when I was able to practice rigorous honesty with myself and another person. It's easy for me to hide in self-denial and commit to myself that I can be better, but without really being truthful about the parts of me I want to change and why, it never worked.

I wouldn't advocate for specific strategies or methods to other people, but I've found combinations of mindfulness, therapy, and support groups to be the most useful for me. It's all about building healthy habits and honesty about the parts I want to change.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#84

Post by nicbou »

noduerme wrote: post #52

I made it two weeks without drinking more than a half bottle of wine a night. Then I finished my project and now, yeah. Fuck it. And fuck the bbc and the guardian as well. They just contribute to the general feeling of everything you could possibly think of having already been controlled for. We're living in a desperate state, ladies and gentlemen. Almost all of our autonomy has been taken away. You can't travel to a…

That's overly pessimistic. I went hiking today. The sea, the forest and the trails are still there, unmolested by the pandemic without.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#85

Post by k__ »

The problem is your environment.

The times I changed the most were when I moved somewhere else.

Your friends usually like you for who you are and will amplify your behavior.

This is good, because you feel save with them.

But they can also prevent you from becoming a better person, because you fall back into old habits.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#86

Post by NAHWheatCracker »

I read Anna Karenina last year, and the final paragraph just floored me with a similar insight.

The character of Levin earlier has an epiphany about his faith how he should live life. He later realizes that the epiphany didn't change him. He's still a messy, imperfect person.

> "I shall go on in the same way, losing my temper with Ivan the coachman, falling into angry discussions, expressing my opinions tactlessly; there will be still the same wall between the holy of holies of my soul and other people, even my wife; I shall still go on scolding her for my own terror, and being remorseful for it; I shall still be as unable to understand with my reason why I pray, and I shall still go on praying; but my life now, my whole life apart from anything that can happen to me, every minute of it is no more meaningless, as it was before, but it has the positive meaning of goodness, which I have the power to put into it."

It's mostly about faith, but the aspect that resonated the most for me was acceptance that no epiphany will change who you are. Once you accept that and your flaws, you can focus on the good in life. It can help attention to not be bothered by flaws that can't be changed in an instant.

It's the closest I've ever come to an epiphany in my personal life. Too bad it didn't change me.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#87

Post by thenerdhead »

snarf21 wrote: post #62
thenerdhead wrote: post #54

I love self-improvement. There’s many in this camp of “you’re perfect the way you are”. I don’t agree at all. I believe more in Kaizen, the idea of changing for the better. It’s similar to the ship of Theseus paradox where you slowly replace each plank on the boat, is it the same boat? Knowing about your short comings is the key. Knowing you are lazy will help you be more productive. Knowing you’re depressed will hel…

Introspection is a superpower.

Awareness is self-perpetuating. That definitely makes it a superpower.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#88

Post by solatic »

machinelearning wrote: post #39
solatic wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're responding to the use of the word trauma. OP is correct, but perhaps OP should have used a different word. We don't make progress unless we take risks and move outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes, those risks don't pay off, and the result is painful in some way. Maybe that pain is "traumatic", maybe not. Certainly, if the risks don't pay off, then we need to be willing to live with the painful resul…

Moving outside of your comfort zone is not inherently painful. Sure it may be uncomfortable or scary but it certainly doesn't imply trauma. I interpreted OP's comments as trauma being the causative factor for change to occur, not that change results in trauma. "Fully accepting the costs and risks needed to get there" sounds like you're preparing for a hike to the antarctic or something. Not all changes have to be thi…

> "Fully accepting the costs and risks needed to get there" sounds like you're preparing for a hike to the antarctic or something. Not all changes have to be this dire. Deciding to get fit is not really a sacrifice. Rather, it is turning certain disciplines into habits.

I think you're downplaying what it's like for many people to start making fitness a larger part of their life. It might as well be a hike to the antarctic. In the beginning, the costs can seem very, very high, even if they get easier with time. What makes those costs bearable is a genuine acceptance of them, and what oftentimes triggers that genuine acceptance is a health scare that shows people what the alternative is.

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#89

Post by picardythird »

noduerme wrote: post #60
ibn-python wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow you described exactly what I'm starting to feel in my late 20s. Especially the point about neurotic feedback loops.

Don't be like this person. Literally, throw away all the video game machines you own and take an extremely long walk in Tibet if needed. This is a cautionary signal. If you relate to this, you're going to throw your life away. I was responding to a sub-thread but it got deleted before I could finish. This is what I think about this: Someone said: >> it could be hurtful to people to attempt to archive by getting sucke…

So, in plain English, what you're saying is to not obsess over fixing neuroses because it's an addiction in itself that leads to other negative traits?

Re: Self-improvement is embracing your messy, imperfect life

#90

Post by westcort »

I think it is definitely possible to make positive changes that stick. For example, I have been rowing on my erg daily for 6 months. It doesn’t have to happen around New Years. A lot of the difficulties we run into making positive change for ourselves is the workweek. We give so much to our employers we can’t care properly for ourselves.
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