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Writing is networking for introverts

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Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#81

Post by Zababa »

wombatmobile wrote: post #74
blowski wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That would imply there’s something wrong with me, something that needs fixing. I don’t feel like that at all. In a sense, we are all a mixture of personality traits. It’s only when you get to the extremes, where it starts to be harmful, that it becomes a “disorder”.

I used to find trying to entertain people by playing the piano extremely tiring and challenging. I was just so bad at it. The more I tried the worse I felt. Then I took piano lessons, practised a lot, and learnt three songs quite well. Ever since then, when I’m at a party where there’s a piano, I’ve played one or two songs, then spent the rest of the night talking with people about music. Learning to play the piano h…

On the other hand, I have no problems talking to strangers and most of the time leave a good impression on people, but it drains my energy way more quickly than talkign with people I know well. If I spend half the day pair programming with someone, at the end I have a strong feeling of just wanting to be alone. And during trips, after a few days with friends I miss my home, and usually after around a week with my family.

My point is that you can have no social awkwardness and be good at talking to people, but still have it be an energy drain.

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#82

Post by vincentmarle »

blowski wrote: post #71
vincentmarle wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I find smalltalk with people I don’t really know to be extremely challenging and tiring. And yet with people I do know, or in conversations on topics where I feel confident, I struggle to shut myself up. This sounds more like ADHD.

That would imply there’s something wrong with me, something that needs fixing. I don’t feel like that at all. In a sense, we are all a mixture of personality traits. It’s only when you get to the extremes, where it starts to be harmful, that it becomes a “disorder”.

There’s nothing wrong with having ADHD. I’m just saying, ADHD could be a plausible explanation than being an introvert, and as someone who got diagnosed at 36 himself, it can take a while to see the signs.

For example, I can’t small talk with someone if I think they’re boring or if it’s someone new who I just met and don’t trust. It’s a terrible trait of mine because it’s pretty judgemental, but it’s something that I’m hoping to improve over time. Because of this, people’s first impression of me is that I’m an introvert, but I’m far from being an introvert (I really need frequent social contact). It just takes a while for me to warm up to someone.

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#83

Post by GoblinSlayer »

introaway wrote: post #58
diegoperini wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I love those guys. It shows how important it is for them to not cause trouble or create surprises for random strangers that they are willing to repeat the same conversation with that level of dedication. It is the purest form of empathy and yet unfortunately also the most invisible kind.

That doesn't strike me as empathy - I'm not villifying it either, but it's more about personal psychological needs than the needs of others (which lumps it in with most behavior of course, hence not villifying it). Sure, for their mental model of other people they're being nice (and in some cases they actually are) - but not everybody has the same mind or preferences. True empathy is built on understanding that.

I have this impression too, that extroverts are socially numb and hardly notice anything, sometimes even oblivious about people around them. Well, due to this numbness cheap talk has no chance to get through their skin. In this way extrovert is a literally precise term: lots out, little in.

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#84

Post by Chris2048 »

version_five wrote: post #2

This sounds more like "socially awkward but want to talk to lots of people" than strictly introverted (which itself generally gets used to mean many things). I have some "introvert" traits: talking to people tires me out, I have no interest in low quality conversations - I dont like chit-chatting with strangers. If this is what's going to happen at an event I'd rather avoid it altogether than have a pretext for peopl…

I think the difference is:

- is energised by interacting with people

vs

- is de-energised by interacting with people

But there is a social skills / anxiety aspect to this.

Some people aren't particularly inherently energised by social interaction, so will always be introverted. That doesn't mean some social interaction isn't beneficial though - It might mean that they need a lot less though, like how some people biologically need less sleep than others, or degrade slower when deprived of it.

Incidentally, I wonder whether "coping mechanisms" are the difference - that introverts develop stronger internal dialogues that substitute for normal (external) social interaction(s).

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#86

Post by spoonjim »

codazoda wrote: post #17

I wonder how people recognize you from your writing since your face isn’t attached to it. I do see the micro-celebrity in action with my adult son, who is a YouTuber. People recognize him pretty often, so his small following must be relatively local and has this effect. But that’s video where he can easily be recognized. On a related note, I often wonder how people are so sure it’s him. If I see a video of someone, I…

Most YouTubers are not geographically scoped. How do you know he has a small audience? His views or his subscribers?

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#87

Post by thrashh »

Scarblac wrote: post #64
blowski wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree. The whole introvert thing is so loosely defined that it covers everyone to some degree. For example, I find smalltalk with people I don’t really know to be extremely challenging and tiring. And yet with people I do know, or in conversations on topics where I feel confident, I struggle to shut myself up. I wouldn’t consider myself to be either introvert or extrovert, merely some set of personality traits.

It's a skill though, that can be trained like any other. You don't have enough practice. I always thought my father was just like me, no nonsense, no chit chat, just to the point. Until I went with him when he was looking for storage space, and had heard an 80-year old farmer a bit outside of our town had some. They talked about essentially nothing for twenty minutes but if you listened very carefully, somewhere in b…

Introversion/extroversion isn’t related to your social skills, although your level of social skills can muddle your impression of your introversion/extroversion.

Introversion and extroversion are, on the extreme ends, whether you need to seek out “down time” after being around people versus never needing down time and always wanting to be around people, respectively.

For example, I’m more of an extrovert and if I’m dead tired at midnight but someone invites me to go out, I will still say yes because being around people gives me energy and it’s like ecstasy. And if one of my friends says no, I will respect it but “won’t get it” as to why you’d want to go home.

(Of course you have responsibilities as you get older but that’s a separate issue.)

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#88

Post by soco »

hericium wrote: post #73
_blu wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sigh...it's not really about the weather. get it. extroversion is not about talking, but socializing, warmth, dominance etc.

People are different. Not everyone uses weather as an entry point to other topics. Some talk about weather and just this, when in the elevator, with no intention of going forward. This is, I believe, to cover discomfort coming from silence and such conversations, while not completely pointless, often have little value. They would talk about just anything, to combat this feeling. Weather is a good topic because most p…

I think that people are giving here genuine feedback from where they are coming from. And it looks like what you think they think is definitely not necessarily what they say they think. So unless somebody told you directly that they use the weather discussion for that reason, it could be that you value more your assumptions than their first-hand explanations...

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#89

Post by soco »

blowski wrote: post #15
version_five wrote: post #2

This sounds more like "socially awkward but want to talk to lots of people" than strictly introverted (which itself generally gets used to mean many things). I have some "introvert" traits: talking to people tires me out, I have no interest in low quality conversations - I dont like chit-chatting with strangers. If this is what's going to happen at an event I'd rather avoid it altogether than have a pretext for peopl…

I agree. The whole introvert thing is so loosely defined that it covers everyone to some degree. For example, I find smalltalk with people I don’t really know to be extremely challenging and tiring. And yet with people I do know, or in conversations on topics where I feel confident, I struggle to shut myself up. I wouldn’t consider myself to be either introvert or extrovert, merely some set of personality traits.

At least from the comments, I kind of see the attitude pairing: people defining themselves as introverts think about themselves being smarter and generally superior to the extroverts. The self-defined extroverts on the other hand only criticize the social awkwardness of the introverts, no quality judgement otherwise. Conclusion: as usual, rationalization doesn't help much.

Re: Writing is networking for introverts

#90

Post by wombatmobile »

Zababa wrote: post #81
wombatmobile wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to find trying to entertain people by playing the piano extremely tiring and challenging. I was just so bad at it. The more I tried the worse I felt. Then I took piano lessons, practised a lot, and learnt three songs quite well. Ever since then, when I’m at a party where there’s a piano, I’ve played one or two songs, then spent the rest of the night talking with people about music. Learning to play the piano h…

On the other hand, I have no problems talking to strangers and most of the time leave a good impression on people, but it drains my energy way more quickly than talkign with people I know well. If I spend half the day pair programming with someone, at the end I have a strong feeling of just wanting to be alone. And during trips, after a few days with friends I miss my home, and usually after around a week with my fam…

Yes it’s circumstantial. Needs based. Content and context dependent.
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