Female Founder Secrets: Fertility • Hacker News Board

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#81

Post by abellerose » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:10 PM UTC

lainga wrote: post #72

abellerose wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe the context for the advice is directed to whoever is capable of having children. So, economic gains are meaningless to them when they're dead in 100 years.

Put another way: let's say everyone who is capable of children follows your advice. To whom are these economic gains meaningful in 100 years? Who would their parents be?

What you're implying is meaningless to the ones that are dead. So maybe you can now realize why I wrote my response and it was directed towards anyone considering conceiving a child.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#82

Post by mattnewton » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:11 PM UTC

oeuiiuhmbuh wrote: post #75

Miner49er wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This advice is likely economically bad though. Capital now is better than capital later. I would think money made early and saved by not having children and invested will end up being much more then what will be spent on a fertility clinic later.

Mother's age at birth directly affects a child's health and life outcomes [1]. It is impossible to replace a woman's 20s with any amount of money. [1] https://www.thelancet.com/journals/langlo/article/PIIS2214-1...

Minor nit, this article is mostly about how teenage mothers result in worse outcomes, and talks about the many advantages older mothers have up to over 35 when complications dominate the better resources older mothers tend to have.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#83

Post by Ma8ee » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:12 PM UTC

tobib wrote: post #65

johnzim wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is great advice. I was in a similar position till we moved to the Bay Area, which flipped the financial calculus. Other than breast-feeding, Dads can do everything that's required and pumping works out great for everyone.

> pumping works out great for everyone You might want to ask a few (other) women about that. My partner very much dislikes pumping. Both the physical aspect as well as the emotional/psychological side of it. But I get what you're saying and I agree with the sentiment.

Also important to remember is that breast milk isn’t essential. There are of course many studies that show that breast milk is great in so many ways, but on the other hand, a lot of perfectly healthy adults were fed formula, so maybe it’s nothing anyone should give up their career for.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#84

Post by CobrastanJorji » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:12 PM UTC

Miner49er wrote: post #15

austincheney wrote: post #7

The only logical answer here is youth. The younger you are the more fertile you are. This is true for both men and women, but more true for women. If you want children at some point in life then prioritize children first and early. I know, this puts your ambitious career on hold for a while and start ups require huge ambition. Still, start up opportunities will not be hyper critically different in the future than the…

This advice is likely economically bad though. Capital now is better than capital later. I would think money made early and saved by not having children and invested will end up being much more then what will be spent on a fertility clinic later.

It's certainly economically worse, sure, but on the other hand you might be optimizing for other things. I for one would like to know my grandkids, and if I have my first kid at 40, and my kid has their first kid at 40, I'll have likely died of old age before my first grandkid reaches high school. Plus, I really like the idea of my kids being out of the house before my 60s. Factor those in with the studies about the relationship between the health of children and the age of the parents, and I'm willing to trade some potential income for those considerations (although that has limits, and having kids early can have quite substantial economic downsides, especially if you're a woman, and doubly especially if you end up out of the workforce entirely to raise them).

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#85

Post by devmunchies » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:12 PM UTC

Miner49er wrote: post #15

austincheney wrote: post #7

The only logical answer here is youth. The younger you are the more fertile you are. This is true for both men and women, but more true for women. If you want children at some point in life then prioritize children first and early. I know, this puts your ambitious career on hold for a while and start ups require huge ambition. Still, start up opportunities will not be hyper critically different in the future than the…

This advice is likely economically bad though. Capital now is better than capital later. I would think money made early and saved by not having children and invested will end up being much more then what will be spent on a fertility clinic later.

time is worth more than money. I'm glad I spent some time in my 20s raising little tikes so I can have more time with them.

Having kids late in life is like a deathbed confessional. people just want to cross "birth children" off their list, but don't really think about being a mother/father for the rest of their life.

If you value career over family thats cool, but you wont get returns on "family-as-an-asset" if you invest late in life. Invest early for greater returns.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#86

Post by sokoloff » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:13 PM UTC

kgybcehbx wrote: post #49

rantwasp wrote: post #3

I empathize with how hard it is for a female founder in particular and for a woman in general when it comes to mixing children with a career. That said the advice to freeze your eggs (ie work now, live later) rubs me the wrong way. I wish we could live in a society where people would not have to work themselves to death and were able to... you know... enjoy life

Well we used to have a society with a division of labor and stable institution of marriage so that women didn't have to work themselves to death through the child rearing years but we decided as a society that in order for women to be truly free, they need to be trapped in the same work to death life that men have been in since prehistoric times, to the detriment of their lives and the lives of our children. But it'l…

"We" didn't decide as a society. Rather individual people (and couples) in society decided that they'd prefer to have additional income [and stimulation] by choosing to work outside the home. Collectively, that dramatically increased the labor supply as compared to 100 years ago as well as increased the demand for goods and services.

I don't want to have us go back to the old way where it was looked down upon or judged for women to participate in society as free and equal agents in deciding how they want to spend their one precious life. "Men should work and women should tend to the household and children" is way worse than "Adults should be able to make free choices about their lives [and accept the consequential outcomes resulting from those choices, both beneficial and detrimental]"

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#87

Post by benlivengood » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:14 PM UTC

mberning wrote: post #8

I just recently had my first at an age closer to 40 than 30. I think freezing your eggs and having kids later is not such a great idea. Sure, you can have the kid well outside your prime or even use a surrogate. But that is just the beginning. Your child is not going to get the experience of being raised by a more youthful and energetic version of yourself . I think there is a lot to be said for that. I wish I had st…

One thing I noticed as I aged is that my emotional intelligence and resilience increased (as energy decreased) and I'm not sure which is more important for kids; generally what I've read is that so long as kids have food, shelter, some quality time with parents, and healthy interactions with other humans they generally turn out normal. It's fun to be able to do youthful things with kids but the kids can honestly do youthful stuff with anyone and grow from it.

Definitely don't beat yourself up for not being younger; kids will always have more free time and energy than their parents (I had all my kids before 27) and the important thing is to help them find outlets for that energy that they really enjoy.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#88

Post by barnaclejive » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:14 PM UTC

chrisseaton wrote: post #9

Facebook and Apple will pay to freeze your eggs as an employee benefit, is that right?

That is great, but also deeply depressing.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#89

Post by lnsru » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:14 PM UTC

k__ wrote: post #22

In Germany you can get a few years paid leave for getting a child. I met a few women who used their parenting time to found a company.

Paid leave is 12+2 months if both parents use it. And it’s capped at 1800€. Depending on location and business type it is absolutely reasonable to start something with that conditions. There are no paid years for sure.

Re: Female Founder Secrets: Fertility

#90

Post by scarmig » Thu, Mar 04, 2021, 6:14 PM UTC

Ma8ee wrote: post #21

Or get a husband that takes care of the kids. The woman will of course have carry the children in her womb, which will be some tough months. But after that the husband can do almost everything. If she feels that it is important to feed the baby breast milk the first months, excellent pumps can be bought. This is a much better option than waiting until it almost is to late. (I’m not talking out of my ass: I’m currentl…

I'd love to be a stay at home dad: I enjoy taking care of and spending time with children, and I like doing household labor. It's not like I'd be bringing nothing financial to the partnership, either: I'd be bringing substantial assets into the partnership, such that my wife wouldn't need to worry about my retirement or even day-to-day expenses.

The reality, though, is that most women want someone ambitious (in the very limited, traditional sense of ambition), and aspiring to be a stay at home dad is considered at best neutral and more often a negative or dealbreaker when it comes to forming relationships.

This is true even of (or perhaps especially of) career-focused women, despite the fact that their male counterparts are more than happy to date and marry less-ambitious women with the intention of a division of labor conducive to family rearing.