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What If You Could Do It All Over?

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Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#81

Post by jdsalaro »

zappo2938 wrote: post #72
Haul4ss wrote: post #23

You can't, so don't bother thinking about it. You can make changes today that will pay dividends in 10 years, so maybe focus on that instead. I was widowed pretty young (as widowers go), so I have done my share of playing the what-if game with the past. Ultimately it is not a productive exercise, and I try not to do it. If I catch myself dwelling in unlived lives, I try to refocus on the one still in front of me.

I tell any young adult who will listen the mistakes I made. It's nice when they stop by with stories and whiskey the days before Christmas and see them come up strong, happy, and on a solid path towards success. It's only through the stories of our mistakes that we can escape the clutches of time.

I agree, partially, I'm adamant about the fact that it's even more important to talk about successes, than failures.

"Vicarious learning from the experiences of others saves making errors yourself, but I regard the study of successes as being basically more important than the studyof failures. As I will several times say, there are so many ways of being wrong and so few of being right, studying successes is more efficient, and furthermore when your turn comes you will know how to succeed rather than how to fail!"

~ The art of doing science and engineering

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#82

Post by offtop5 »

Skimmed over this.

What an amazing way to make yourself sick. Remunerating is an absolutely horrible habit. Don't assume anyone else has a perfect life. My last partner was divorced, but put up a nice front for family and friends up until she seperated.

As far as I'm concerned until the day I die I don't have a second to waste on things I can't change anyway.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#83

Post by anoxor »

Felony_Fred wrote: post #75
acwan93 wrote: post #8

This reminds me of “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath, which has a quote Aziz Ansari used in his series “Master of None”: > "I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,…

Excellent break down of the concept by Jordan Peterson, professor of psychology at the University of Toronto ( 9:18 ); Jordan Peterson Pick Your Sacrifice https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5--W9mhC4zA

Yes, this.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#84

Post by kodah »

Much of my life hasn't played out how I expected. I had dreams like many people in high school and none of them came true. Instead of finishing college I joined the military after the stock market collapse in 2008/9. Impressions were left on me throughout my early life that I only came to know as an adult. My family got sick, I ruined the relationship that I'd worked for, and at times I alienated people close to me out of my own sense of self-defense. I pushed myself to the brink repeatedly. My twenties were filled with stress, frustration, confusion, and at times anger. These things taught me acceptance and forgiveness of both myself and others. Looking back, I would not trade them for an easier or more prestigious life.

When I came back from Afghanistan I had to scratch, claw, and climb a ladder without a degree thanks in much part to people who saw in me what I could only hoped to have seen in myself. I looked around me when I arrived and I saw Ivy League and top school graduates with multi-million dollar homes, Teslas, and their own literal fig trees in their back yards that complained about everything in life. I've now had the opportunity to live in multiple cultures with varying degrees of prosperity. These things taught me to know my value but to have perspective on what I'm really asking for.

Here I am considering selling all my belongings, buying a truck and an RV to go embrace the new open road that is remote work. Life isn't about looking back. It isn't even about getting what you want. It's about navigating the road in front of you and making the best of the opportunities in front of you and for everyone around you. All that to say, I've embraced the idea that whatever lies ahead is where I'm supposed to be and I needn't look at what my neighbors value or what they have because I don't care. This life is mine to live.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#85

Post by Retric »

indigochill wrote: post #65
quickthrower2 wrote: post #17

It’s worth thinking about how we measure how “good” a life is and if that is superficial and too much influenced by fashion. For example the cliche is go travelling or get rich starting a business. “I raised kids” doesn’t have the same boastworthyness in a lot of circles, but arguably it’s more interesting. Or maybe not. What’s the life well lived metric?

> What’s the life well lived metric? I grew up Christian, and among Christian young people a common question was "What's God's plan for my life?" In that context, I came across Micah 6:8 which spells it out about as plainly as you'll find anywhere: "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" That seems like a…

with your God is a rather major point you just ignored from that line. No offense intended, I simply thought it was quite interesting.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#86

Post by someelephant »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #17

It’s worth thinking about how we measure how “good” a life is and if that is superficial and too much influenced by fashion. For example the cliche is go travelling or get rich starting a business. “I raised kids” doesn’t have the same boastworthyness in a lot of circles, but arguably it’s more interesting. Or maybe not. What’s the life well lived metric?

Value your life based on your own opinions not those of others. If you must value others, do it after you appreciate the human underneath.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#87

Post by offtop5 »

person_of_color wrote: post #2

Definitely not be a software engineer. No one told me how incredibly low the social status is. EDIT: I guess it was suspicious that 99% of my high school circle picked law or finance or business courses instead.

Depends on where you come from.

Half my friends are doing service jobs or gig work.

I can invest in my best friends studio , planing on seeing another friend in Asia next year, can take multiple international vacations per year.

I have no credit card debt.

All from wanting to learn a bit of Unity once upon a time. You can't compare yourself to the top 5% of income earners while ignoring the bottom 95%

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#88

Post by ALittleLight »

pdog wrote: post #5

“Someone once told me the definition of Hell: The last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become .”

I feel like this is a huge exaggeration of "hell" or a demeaning of the concept. For example, if you asked me if I'd rather meet my best possible self, or have my arm broken with a bat, it would be a no-brainer. I'm actually pretty curious to meet my best possible self and would probably pay some amount of money to do so, whereas I'd very much prefer to never have my arm broken again. And being hit with a bat is one of the most banal forms of suffering you could imagine.

I get that it is trying to say something abstract, like, you could be a lot better than what you are, but it just sounds so incredibly ignorant of how horrible things could be that it irritates me.

Re: What If You Could Do It All Over?

#90

Post by [deleted] »

selimthegrim wrote: post #64
rayiner wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The nice thing about a culture that exalts “I raised kids and they turned out well” as a “life well lived metric” is that its broadly accessible. You can be born below average in intelligence and creativity and still be a good dad or mom, participate in local civic organizations, etc.

What if your kids reject you and want nothing to do with you?

[deleted]
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