A researcher on how to live a happy life • Hacker News Board

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#81

Post by phnofive » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:11 PM UTC

Jtsummers wrote: post #34

phnofive wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’d encourage you to reconsider the article in context of the fact that CBT can be self-taught with no books or sessions - all of this advice is free, and each tip works independently of the others. I do agree that open-ended talk therapy seems like a waste of time.

Open-ended talk therapy is like rubber duck debugging. Sometimes you need an expressive outlet that you can't, for various reasons, find elsewhere. And often a confidant (which a therapist can be) is what you need. Lacking a confidant in normal-life or having issues you feel you can't take to that person, a therapist is a decent alternative.

Sorry, I was vague on that term. By open-ended, I meant recurring and without a goal; maybe there’s a better descriptive term for it.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#82

Post by agumonkey » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:12 PM UTC

baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

suffering can be deeper, but that's also probably stepping into psychiatry territory.. my point is you cannot reason or meditate everything away

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#83

Post by foolproofplan » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:13 PM UTC

zwkrt wrote: post #68

WhompingWindows wrote: post #6

For me, I have become happier in the moment via insight meditation, which focuses on noticing thoughts and feelings without action or reaction. Part of the wisdom of meditation lies in the following: There is baggage we all carry, the self, this belief we're the center of it all, the author of (and subservient to) our own thoughts. How do I stop doing what makes me unhappy, if that's "who I am"? But, in reality, I ca…

Don’t minimize the importance of acting though if you constantly find the same stressors intruding on your thoughts. If meditation helps you deal with street noise, that’s great, but you might also consider closing the window. I see lots of meditative techniques suggested to employees of larger companies through the likes of Happify, but if people really listened to their bodies their employers would be in for big tr…

I've always struggled with what to think about how companies have recently jumped on the mindfulness bandwagon. I appreciate the support but the cynical side of me still feels like it is an attempt to keep employees complacent with the growing decrease in a positive work environment.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#84

Post by TomSwirly » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:14 PM UTC

russellbeattie wrote: post #80

All other things being equal, happiness is 100% chemical. Either you're naturally happy, or you're not. Additional chemicals (natural or artificial) can help adjust the dopamine, seratonin and norepinephrine levels that we sense as pleasure for a short time, but that's not happiness. You can be an unhappy rich person, a poor happy one. You can be a happy paraplegic, or an unhappy Olympic level athlete. You can be hap…

You're making a lot of very strong and unsupported statements.

> Accepting your natural state resets the bar, and lets you live peacefully.

"Just accept... that you will always be miserable... and you can live peacefully."

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#85

Post by zelienople » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:18 PM UTC

Happiness is overrated; find something you like doing and do it. A job, a hobby, a pursuit--in short, an avocation.

The greatest horror for me would be to not be interested in anything. So many people seem to have this affliction. That is what I would call unhappiness: to be interested in nothing in particular.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#86

Post by agumonkey » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:20 PM UTC

I don't agree with his analysis of modern happiness levels. It's yet another biased quantitative analysis of various metrics that are decoupled from human nature. Struggles, efforts, shorter lifespan is not a problem if your days are filled with deeper emotions, less confusion, better balance timewise (slower pace but more efficient labour).

A tiny instance to try to explain my above abstract: in 2020 you can have a lot of tech, a cute office but still asked to archive a whole room on your own. In other cultures this would have been organized differently in pair for instance (you can see videos of people in asia building houses by juggling bricks between another). This turns a 10h dreadful and lonely chore into a 3h shared, almost pleasant, choreography. I believe how era is filled with false modernity which are mostly absurd lack of good sense around human needs for flow, teaming, etc

ps: critic aside, I find it lovely to see that people are "researching" happiness, which is probably more important to 100% of the population than a lot of "matieral" research being done right now

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#87

Post by Toine » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:20 PM UTC

asdff wrote: post #79

heavenlyblue wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you tell yourself that the real world is irrelevant, it makes you more irrelevant in the real world.

Do you need to be relevant?

Exactly, most people I know don't want to ask themselves this kind of questions

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#88

Post by NumberCruncher » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:23 PM UTC

ErikVandeWater wrote: post #76

dr_dshiv wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here are some of my favorite Epictetus quotes: Chapter 8 Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whatever way they happen: this is the path to peace. Chapter 9 Sickness is a problem for the body, not the mind -- unless the mind decides that it is a problem. Lameness, too, is the body’s problem, not the mind’s. Say this to yourself whatever the circumstance and you will find without fa…

A lot of philosophy and "wisdom" is in telling people what they should do and probably already try to do without giving them the tools to do it. A wise person realizes it is silly to tell someone "Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want" without giving them real tools to address their feelings.

The stoics developed tools you are asking for. You can find a good summary of them in the book A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#89

Post by Toine » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:24 PM UTC

zelienople wrote: post #85

Happiness is overrated; find something you like doing and do it. A job, a hobby, a pursuit--in short, an avocation. The greatest horror for me would be to not be interested in anything. So many people seem to have this affliction. That is what I would call unhappiness: to be interested in nothing in particular.

I agree, the mistake is to make happiness the destination, it's more a byproduct of doing the things you're passionate about (which often includes being with the people you love)

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#90

Post by yeowMeng » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:25 PM UTC

saltedonion wrote: post #47

WhompingWindows wrote: post #6

For me, I have become happier in the moment via insight meditation, which focuses on noticing thoughts and feelings without action or reaction. Part of the wisdom of meditation lies in the following: There is baggage we all carry, the self, this belief we're the center of it all, the author of (and subservient to) our own thoughts. How do I stop doing what makes me unhappy, if that's "who I am"? But, in reality, I ca…

Very insightful. Please share more. I’ve been taking up meditation and bubiddism but still very much a novice. I find that as you open your mind and see through more things, in a way things gets less interesting. It’s that feeling that you’ve seen this movie before. Maybe this is normal for older people but I’m in my 20s and it feels very odd. How do you deal with that and not feel like a zombie.

I listened to the record again; Popple, crackling, the sound of streams; The tape is transcribed; From the spinning disk to my mind; Let’s listen again but this time one rut deeper; The orbit quickens but the beat is steady; The needle stops vibrating for a moment in between tracks;