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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#81

Post by dev_dull »

burntoutfire wrote: post #54
open-paren wrote: post #41

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job t…

> How on Earth do people afford a house (I mean, $300,000 is more than 3× my expected salary, and where I am, that barely gets you a townhome)? Most young people in the world can't afford a house. They rent apartments or stay with parents until their jobs pay more and they accumulate savings in the meantime - or, alternatively, they shacked themselves with decades of debt and get a mortgage (not everyone is mentally…

An apartment with roommates can be a real joy if it’s in the right time of your life. Don’t rush the seasons of your life. Why worry about kids when you’re not even in a serious relationship? It’s life, not the cursus honorum.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#82

Post by mikekij »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

This sounds like an awful place to work. Are you a software developer? There have to be a thousand better companies that would love to have you working with them.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#83

Post by [deleted] »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#85

Post by arandr0x »

open-paren wrote: post #41

I'm kinda struggling right now. I'm a few months from graduating with a BS in CS, and I'm scared. Not scared about getting a job (I've had a few internships and have a solid handshake return offer from more than one of them) or “the next step” (kids? house?) independently, just the combination of all those things. How do I find a job that's is within a same commute distance, but also affordable? How do I find a job t…

You're young and this too shall pass. It's normal to feel anxious about things we are also excited for. It's a way your brain is planning for your life and trying to optimize it and, as a programmer, you probably have a brain that's pretty good at that.

If the thoughts are getting in the way of your life, for example causing you to stay curled up on the floor for more than five minutes, it's okay to redirect them. You're not going to "miss out" on your life's best decision by only allowing yourself five minutes to obsess on the future per 6-hour timebox. So, when they occur, accept the thoughts for a while, if something emerges that you think is a good plan write it down, and then after the five minutes are up get up and call a friend, do a physical activity, or put on a song you like.

If the same thoughts recur too often you can allow yourself to ditch them; tell yourself "I always think [that I can't afford a house] and it never leads to a good place!" and then make a conscious effort to think about how much you'd like to renovate a house or people in your life who have mortgages and still go on international vacations.

Above all, everyone I know who's over 25 has been there, and we're still alive. You'll be us someday.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#86

Post by Bootwizard »

SeeDave wrote: post #53

I am 'OK' in the sense that I like all of my colleagues and really do enjoy my work as a technical product manager. What's not 'OK' is that a snake-oil salesman/professional bullshitter who calls himself an 'Agile Consultant' has embedded himself in the organization. He's an all-talk arrogant blowhard with a savior complex centered around rescuing us from 'Waterfall'. What's not 'OK' in my personal life: I've been ha…

Well I gotta say, I've worked in Waterfall and now Agile and I couldn't even explain how much better it is. I feel like I can actually do my job now instead of worrying every day about process. You won't know how much better you're going to have it until you switch.

Waterfall is a shackle around your hands and feet keeping you from getting actual work done.

That being said, if you have an Agile consultant who is not able to convince you (because he doesn't sound like a nice person to work with) that sucks, and I hope you can find someone else.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#87

Post by forinti »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

I could only conceive this behaviour as rational (although still uncivilised) if he wants to fire you and cannot.

In my country this sort of thing is illegal (work harassment).

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#88

Post by Uptrenda »

Mental health is such a complicated problem because of how directly it's tied into the way a person experiences and processes information. In order to get treatment for someone there needs to be some basic recognition that something may be wrong which might sound fairly straight forwards, but it's a classic consciousness problem of having a ruler somehow accurately measure itself. It's hard to be objective here, more-so, without being armed with the right vocabulary and ideas related to mental health you might not even know what questions are worth asking. That means that short of more extreme problems I'd expect a lot of cases of mental illness go over-looked simply because people aren't aware they even need help.

Talking about it is a good first step. If there is something wrong you can bounce ideas off people and start building a better understanding. This is very useful because I think a lot of people expect doctors to be mind readers regarding this, when in reality you have to talk about a huge amount of background info, your thoughts, feelings, problems, and so on, for them to be able to help you... and that can be uncomfortable for private people.

Hopefully in the future there are biological tests for mental illness and you could get a blood test or even the equivalent of a grocery store style pregnancy test. That would be revolutionary.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#89

Post by mapcars »

bpchaps wrote: post #32
quantumwoke wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you say that? I think there's a lot of things that are really great about tech industry and there's some things that aren't so great. What's been your experience?

This field fucking sucks. I'm tired of being on call 24/7/365. I'm tired of having to explain why plaintext passwords are bad. I'm tired of being taken advantage of for being a generalist. I'm tired of ex-google asshole bosses with massive egos. I'm tired of carrying a laptop with me "just in case". I'm tired of the constantly shifting "popular" technologies. I'm tired of spending weekends indoors studying for work,…

So get out of it, were you forced into tech by someone? then it's a legal issue, nothing to do with the field.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#90

Post by ishi »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

You are working in a TOXIC environment and obviously it's taking its toll. You have to get out, or at least transfer to another team. You wrote that you went to HR and they didn't help with your boss, but perhaps they CAN help moving you to another team. And you wrote that you're applying for other jobs - it can take time, just don't give up!

> It's hard for me to believe that another job won't be the same thing It won't be the same thing, because your current boss won't be there! Sounds like he's abusing you, and most likely your next boss won't behave the same.

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