Earlier quoted context omitted.
Check out these links [0] [1] or google for "p value distribution" or "p curve" [0] http://www-ist.massey.ac.nz/dstirlin/CAST/CAST/HtestPValue/t... [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P-value#Distribution
I'm not following those links either. How is p uniformly distributed under H0? If you assume H0 then obtaining a p-value near 0 is going to be damn impossible. Whereas obtaining one similarly close to 0.5 is going to be ridiculously more likely. Am I severely lacking sleep and going crazy or something? Maybe I should check back in like half a day to see what people have said, I feel like I must be completely confused…
That's the very definition of a p-value! The mapping of data to p-values is chosen to have a uniform distribution of p-values when the data is distributed according to the null hypothesis. That's the property that makes p-values interesting.