Are we happier when we spend more time with others? • Hacker News Board

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#81

Post by hombre_fatal » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:01 AM UTC

chewz wrote: post #32

onion2k wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can understand someone thinking video games and YouTube are just killing time (although I don't agree), but traveling ? That's pretty much universally accepted as one of the best things you can do to improve yourself.

This is a cliche about traveling. Most young people that I have seen traveling in Thailand or Bali do not seem like improving themselves. Only few are genuinely interested in the world around them. Of course we will need some data to support my point :-)

> Most young people that I have seen traveling in Thailand or Bali do not seem like improving themselves.

How do you know? The benefits of travel don't come instantly like some binary "travel" door you walk through. Travel sculpts your character over time in small ways and small interactions. And why would it need to be an active self-improvement process? On of the beauties of travel is how passive the a-ha moments are, you just have to pull the trigger to go in the first place which many people cannot even do beyond a "someday I'll go" dream they carry to their grave.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#82

Post by tonyedgecombe » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:03 AM UTC

onion2k wrote: post #31

chewz wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Young people has way more options to enjoy life such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves This is killing time not enjoying life.

I can understand someone thinking video games and YouTube are just killing time (although I don't agree), but traveling ? That's pretty much universally accepted as one of the best things you can do to improve yourself.

That's pretty much universally accepted as one of the best things you can do to improve yourself.

I'm not sure about that, most modern travel seems to be just another form of consumerism.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#83

Post by onion2k » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:17 AM UTC

chewz wrote: post #59

onion2k wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Of course we will need some data to support my point Does hundreds of years of travel writing and tens of thousands of biographies of people who travelled before going on to do amazing things count?

Tens of thousands? There is some 5 milion tourists pers year to Bali and 35 milion to Thailand. Not to mention other destinations. So tens of thousands of biographies (if there is really such a number) is just an rounding error. So I guess here is your answer. What I simply meant is that travelling for most people is just a form of leisure not a life enhancing experience.

I don't agree. Very few people do anything significant enough to warrant a book about their life, but everyone who travels lives a better life afterward.

tens of thousands of biographies (if there is really such a number)

There's more than 80,000 in the biography section of Amazon, and that only includes the ones in print right now.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#84

Post by kr4 » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:28 AM UTC

randomsearch wrote: post #38

kr4 wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the key to attain ever-lasting happiness is to commit ourselves to doing kind or selfless deeds as a habit [0]. Scientifically it's been observed that when we make someone happy the same region lights up in our brain [1] when we do something to make ourselves happy. Coupled with meditation that makes you more mindful so you can be more kind (kindfullness), you can attain a state of mind in which you can remai…

Sharing this because I said it the other day and it seemed to resonate. Happiness is overvalued. Meaning or purpose is undervalued. Happiness is based on a transition: something new, a change of circumstances, and is by its nature temporary. Meaning and purpose are long term. Seek meaning, not happiness.

An act of kindness is a way to express our gratitude toward the society and/or nature by contributing with our skills and resources. It makes us feel that we have something valuable to offer and that certainly gives meaning to our life.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#85

Post by murm » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:31 AM UTC

saiya-jin wrote: post #63

randomsearch wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sharing this because I said it the other day and it seemed to resonate. Happiness is overvalued. Meaning or purpose is undervalued. Happiness is based on a transition: something new, a change of circumstances, and is by its nature temporary. Meaning and purpose are long term. Seek meaning, not happiness.

> Seek meaning, not happiness. Hold your horses a bit here. Just because some mental model works for your, please don't do blanket statements for entire human civilization. I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else, full of objective dangers that can kill me in case of lack of attention (or pure bad time at bad spot situation), last time this Sunday (ended up w…

> I for example pursue many utterly selfish hobbies without any proper meaning to me or anybody else ... the only meaning of those things is feeling 200% alive

> Climbing to the top of some peak doesn't have any proper meaning, it has been done 1000s before and will be done after me, the only meaning is how it feels during and after the adventure.

I don't quite understand what is your concept of meaning. You say that you pursue all these difficult and dangerous things that make you feel 200% alive and extremely content with your life. I wonder, how much more meaning could you ask for? To me, feeling completely alive while immersed in something is pretty much the definition of a meaningful activity! Happiness and contentment seems to be a nice bonus caused by the realization that you are in the middle of something that feels very meaningful to you.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#86

Post by codingdave » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:38 AM UTC

jerryuen wrote: post #4

I found this study to be a good reference but I question how useful some of the data are for 20-30 years old people nowadays because: 1. The study started in 1938, which is a very different time comparing to today. Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as traveling, playing video games, watching youtube by themselves just to name a few. 2. The participants are mostly 90 years old now and it is un…

> Young people has way more options to enjoy life alone such as...

I've never quite bought this argument. Yes, the choices are different. 100 years ago travel might be by train. Or hitch-hiking. Instead of video games you had a deck of cards and played solitaire. Today we have MMORPGs, back then it was again cards, sitting around a table. They didn't watch YouTube, but absolutely read books and newspapers.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#87

Post by Kiro » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:44 AM UTC

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

Sounds like an exact description of me, except one major difference:

> I am in such a better mood for a few days

I get incredible anxiety after meeting people that disappears after a few days. It's not worth it at all and I'm extremely happy if I just avoid people.

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#88

Post by mapcars » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:49 AM UTC

rofo1 wrote: post #67

mapcars wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Happiness is exactly the same in every human being - is just a certain type of chemistry. In which ways people find access to it depends on person, environment, society and your background - this is what is unique. But all these things are indirect and involve (unreliable) mediums. There are ways to access this directly and be happy and ecstatic every single moment without literally anything.

This is correct and congruent with what science knows as of today. I sometimes wonder how the world will look like when we would have evolved our science to (perfectly) control the ratio of chemicals inside us. Imagine, happiness on a click. Something like quick dopamine release without side effects.

I would like to add that this science already exists for thousands of years in such sophisticated form that it does not require external chemicals but rather focuses on enhancing what our body can naturally produce.

Imagining this gives you a bit of entertainment, but experiencing this makes imagination a childish game :)

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#89

Post by mapcars » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:51 AM UTC

andai wrote: post #64

mapcars wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I seem doomed If you think you are doomed you will be doomed. >I'm not really antisocial If you think you are not really antisocial you will be not really antisocial. >I can become overtalkative at times If you think you can become overtalkative you will be able to become overtalkative. >I never seem to want to 'get out' If you think you never seem to want - you will never seem to want >when I force myself If you th…

But how? Also your comment could have been a bit more concise. This way it reads really tedious and kinda like you're making fun of it. Or rather, the actually important part (how to do it) is concise to the point of not even being included!

Randomly I just hit this text related to the topic, it's easy to tell he does experience something beyond the thinking mind

https://the-talks.com/interview/jim-carrey/

Re: Are we happier when we spend more time with others?

#90

Post by Kiro » Wed, Jul 24, 2019, 10:53 AM UTC

lloeki wrote: post #65

axaxs wrote: post #22

Anecdotally... I am, but I seem doomed. I'm not really antisocial. In fact, I can become overtalkative at times when in a social setting. But, given the option, I never seem to want to 'get out' and socialize. Though, when I force myself to, I am in such a better mood for a few days. Then, back to normal, and avoiding social gatherings again until the next time.

Sounds like you have an introvert trait (in the Myers Briggs sense), which does not mean despising human interaction but that even though you enjoy it, it’s taxing at some level (but you get some benefit at another level). If this is the case, the rejection comes from energy being exhausted (no one enjoys being exhausted) and you have to recharge your social interactions batteries. At some point you may have intuitiv…

What if you don't feel social interactions bring you anything positive at all? I get exhausted _and_ depressed by meeting people. Totally not worth it.