Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#81

Post by CalRobert » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:24 PM UTC

At the end of the day, it's just a fucking job. If you need the money I understand the envy, and I've been there. But ultimately most of us are working really hard to make other people rich. Being really good at that game (and it's a pretty bitter game) isn't something to be envious of.

I have never seen a high paying job in tech that wasn't ALSO higher stress and generally more hours. I'm sure exceptions exist, but as I've gotten to my mid thirties I've noticed that those in my friend group who make the most are also the most stressed. One of them is very, very good at CS. He works for a FAANG and makes an excellent salary. And he's fucking depressed as hell. But he has exactly the life I thought I wanted ten years ago.

I'm an OK programmer who has no commute, lives in the middle of nowhere crazy cheap, and has almost no overhead. I work 8 hours a day. If I get paged on the weekend (hey, it happens) I work commensurately fewer hours during the week. I see my kid more than most dads I know. He's said (in not so many words) he envies what I have.

There's always someone faster, slower, richer, poorer, healthier, and sicker than you.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#82

Post by microtherion » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:24 PM UTC

"One thing my pops always told me is you never count another man’s money" —— Steph Curry

Now, granted, he was already really well paid when he said this, but he had only the 4th highest salary on his team at the time.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#83

Post by WalterBright » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:25 PM UTC

Actually, it's good to work with people better than your are. I find it motivating to learn from them and do my best work.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#84

Post by crispinb » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:29 PM UTC

I have to say I've never suffered from it.

The only people I ever envy are those who don't have to work, and by the nature of that fact, I don't work with them.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#85

Post by steven2012 » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:30 PM UTC

Louis CK once said "The only time you should look at what's on some else's plate of food is to check if they have enough." That really put things in perspective to me.

If I'm not making enough for the amount of work that I do, I will find another job.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#86

Post by allthecybers » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:32 PM UTC

CalRobert wrote: post #81

At the end of the day, it's just a fucking job. If you need the money I understand the envy, and I've been there. But ultimately most of us are working really hard to make other people rich. Being really good at that game (and it's a pretty bitter game) isn't something to be envious of. I have never seen a high paying job in tech that wasn't ALSO higher stress and generally more hours. I'm sure exceptions exist, but…

Well stated. If I could upvote this comment x10 I would. There are always a trade-offs.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#87

Post by e40 » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:34 PM UTC

I saw this on reddit and liked it enough, I added it to a short list of things I found on the internet that I liked:

> Comparison is the thief of joy.

So, don't compare.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#88

Post by idlewords » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:37 PM UTC

DrDimension wrote: post #68

If you want something that someone else has got, ask them for it. More often than not, they will give it to you. If you find someone who is outpacing you, humble yourself for a damn minute and try asking them what they are doing that makes them so effective, then see if you can make it work for you. If more engineers had this mindset, we'd all be better off.

Could I please have three hundred thousand dollars?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#89

Post by 2sk21 » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:37 PM UTC

iandanforth wrote: post #16

This comic has served as a reasonably effective innoculation against this pattern for me. https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/2014-11-02

This is perfectly apropos!

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with professional envy?

#90

Post by davesmith1983 » Sun, Jul 14, 2019, 10:39 PM UTC

I was top of my class when I was at school at almost everything (except for things like French, Religious Education and things I didn't care about much). I was top of every class at Sixth Form (16-18).

I went to Uni and there were people that were smarter than me by quite a bit. It is just something you gotta accept and be okay with it.

I am lucky enough to be smarter than the vast majority of the population, and I make more money and I have opportunities that most people don't have

When I saw real poverty it was a reality check and I've calmed down since.