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It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

thetechnobody.com

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Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#81

Post by tptacek »

etherael wrote: post #80
tptacek wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure what this comment has to do with the article at all. Try to evaluate the idea, and not the author. Whether or not you think women are treated unfairly in the industry (I used to bristle at the idea, then watched my wife interview for jobs and radically changed my take), and whether or not this particular woman endured any real unfairness: It is still worth considering how totally unprofessional and inapp…

I don't think your analogy is a good match, someone selling you dental insurance out of the blue is also considered a nuisance, someone asking if you would like to go out on a date out of the blue is par for the course on normal human relations, and the author admits as much and points out that it is easy to simply refuse in this instance. I have been propositioned for this kind of thing in a business context and hav…

Taking someone's business contact information with no intent of building a business relationship and then using it for your own personal benefit is unprofessional and rude. I'm not sure any number of words is going to get you around that fact.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#82

Post by marknutter »

I think she had better get used to it. Hot women, and she is hot, are hard to approach, so guys will take any segway they can get, even if it's somewhat disingenuous. I have a feeling if she really wanted this to stop she would put on a fake wedding ring, but I somehow think that might put a damper on her professional success... sadly enough.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#83

Post by etherael »

tptacek wrote: post #81
etherael wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think your analogy is a good match, someone selling you dental insurance out of the blue is also considered a nuisance, someone asking if you would like to go out on a date out of the blue is par for the course on normal human relations, and the author admits as much and points out that it is easy to simply refuse in this instance. I have been propositioned for this kind of thing in a business context and hav…

Taking someone's business contact information with no intent of building a business relationship and then using it for your own personal benefit is unprofessional and rude. I'm not sure any number of words is going to get you around that fact.

mentioned multiple times a) it is not clear that there was no intent beside personal benefit and b) it is not clear where the line between personal and business is if your business is schmoozing.

This is not to say this is absolutely positively an instance of either of the above, merely that it is too ambiguous and unclear to not come across poorly.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#84

Post by etherael »

etherael wrote: post #52
gmac wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

'Doing social media' isn't necessarily bullshit. For example, it could be useful for a large company to know what's being said about them on Twitter -- maybe even to respond -- and it's not necessarily clear whose job that would be... except for the person who does social media?

So the same kind of thing one could do with an irc bot in your dev chat room that monitors social media for mentions of your name? That would actually be useful if you didn't know how to do the above I think.

I have karma to burn so mod me down as much as you please, but for the record this was not intended as a sarcastic comment either, I was trying to see exactly what this "monitoring of social media" actually implies beyond my stated example.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#85

Post by tptacek »

etherael wrote: post #83
tptacek wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Taking someone's business contact information with no intent of building a business relationship and then using it for your own personal benefit is unprofessional and rude. I'm not sure any number of words is going to get you around that fact.

mentioned multiple times a) it is not clear that there was no intent beside personal benefit and b) it is not clear where the line between personal and business is if your business is schmoozing. This is not to say this is absolutely positively an instance of either of the above, merely that it is too ambiguous and unclear to not come across poorly.

It's always going to be possible to come up with some circumstance the author didn't foresee or insulate themselves from that might mitigate the specific facts they're using to promote their idea. But who cares? That's a nerd message board game.

The question is: is taking someone's business card under the auspices of a business inquiry and then using it solely for your own personal reasons unprofessional or not? The answer (I'll go out on a limb here...) is: yes. It's unprofessional. Interesting point, blog author! Thanks!

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#86

Post by grammaton »

parfe wrote: post #63
grammaton wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

False analogy. There's a world of difference between a tech nobody (in her own words) and a very well known, established programmer with decades of experience who is seen as an authority in the field. At that point you are, to some extent, a media personality as well, and that sort of behavior is a somewhat more understandable.

So he's earned the right to have pictures on his blog? Or are you thinking with your dick as long as it doesn't have a CompSci Beard?

What? That second sentance is a non-sequiter....

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#87

Post by parfe »

tome wrote: post #79
parfe wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here's another site full of photoshoots of the writer. Think he's asking for personal contact if he hands out his business card? http://stallman.org/photos/rms-working/

RMS is not looking particularly sultry in those photos.

So you're saying she's asking for it?

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#88

Post by etherael »

tptacek wrote: post #85
etherael wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

mentioned multiple times a) it is not clear that there was no intent beside personal benefit and b) it is not clear where the line between personal and business is if your business is schmoozing. This is not to say this is absolutely positively an instance of either of the above, merely that it is too ambiguous and unclear to not come across poorly.

It's always going to be possible to come up with some circumstance the author didn't foresee or insulate themselves from that might mitigate the specific facts they're using to promote their idea. But who cares? That's a nerd message board game. The question is: is taking someone's business card under the auspices of a business inquiry and then using it solely for your own personal reasons unprofessional or not? The…

Your single paragraph summary was immeasurably clearer than her entire rant. Yes, under those exact circumstances it is both unprofessional and stalkerish.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#89

Post by tome »

tptacek wrote: post #81
etherael wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think your analogy is a good match, someone selling you dental insurance out of the blue is also considered a nuisance, someone asking if you would like to go out on a date out of the blue is par for the course on normal human relations, and the author admits as much and points out that it is easy to simply refuse in this instance. I have been propositioned for this kind of thing in a business context and hav…

Taking someone's business contact information with no intent of building a business relationship and then using it for your own personal benefit is unprofessional and rude. I'm not sure any number of words is going to get you around that fact.

Asking someone on a date is not solely for one's own personal benefit. It's expected that the other party could benefit from the offer too.

Re: It Doesn’t Count Unless I Know You’re Hitting on Me.

#90

Post by tome »

parfe wrote: post #87
tome wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

RMS is not looking particularly sultry in those photos.

So you're saying she's asking for it?

Her appearance suggests to me she's open to the suggestion of initiating a romantic relationship with someone suitable. If she acts in real life in a manner which reflects what her blog headline photos suggest about her, then I would expect her to get asked out a lot.

(That doesn't excuse any men from being douches about it, but if they're polite and take no for an answer then I don't see any problem)

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