Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How the Finnish survive without small talk

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 208 posts

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#81

Post by throwaway487548 »

lasagnaphil wrote: post #24
chrisseaton wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> just an educated formality rather than a sincere conversation So small talk, then.

I think it is a little different than smalltalk. When people smalltalk, no matter how shallow the conversation is, there is still an intention to “get to know” with each other. But in the cashier example, the cashier does not have any goal to forge a relationship with the customer, but will repeat the same thing over and over because that’s what they’re told to do in the manuals.

> an intention to “get to know”

Not necessarily. It seems like major motivators (not necessarily consciously realized) are to show off and to talk about oneself.

Cosplay of intelligence is another big motivator - how could one possibly look like he have nothing to say?!

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#82

Post by majewsky »

tomp wrote: post #23
illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

Looks like I need to move to Finland :D

Same. This article felt like a very narrowly targeted ad for me. :)

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#83

Post by stevekemp »

tomp wrote: post #23
illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

Looks like I need to move to Finland :D

I moved to Finland from the UK, and it is strikingly different.

That said strangers talk to you in the sauna all the time, and that seems to be both acceptable and encouraged.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#84

Post by stevekemp »

macca321 wrote: post #35
illuminati1911 wrote: post #7

(I’m a Finn) I didn’t know what small talk was until I went to study abroad. Most of my foreign classmates often asked me things like ”how are you doing?” etc. and when I literally answered them what I had been up to recently they were very confused. ”Dude...no need to tell your life story, just say ’good’ and that’s it” I replied ”Why do you ask a question if you don’t care about the answer?” I learned the hard way,…

What's Facebook usage like in Finland?

High.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#85

Post by stevekemp »

ahje wrote: post #37
jpatokal wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Only almost formal, exceedingly polite and necessary conversations are part of the social norm This does not describe Finland at all. If you go to a convenience store in Japan and buy a pack of gum, the clerk will go through an elaborate script of welcoming you to the store, reciting how much your purchase costs, how much cash they receive from you, how much change they give you in return, and thanking you for your…

> In Finland, more likely than not you can complete exactly the same transaction without either party saying a word. I don't think I've ever paid for a purchase without being told what the total is or being asked if I would like a receit. Like ever.

Yeah the receipt thing is a little surprising, as a foreigner. Literally everybody reads out the total, and asks if you want one. Most of the time I say no, but sometimes I want one.

I started to feel a bit more relaxed when I could go to the corner-shop and buy food without having to understand much Finnish, and the constant repetition helped me learn my numbers.

(Now and again a staff-member will confuse me by asking "Would you like anything else?" or "Is that all?" which throws me off. The only other questions I expect to be asked are "Would you like a bag?" or "Do you have a store-card?".)

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#86

Post by PeterStuer »

I love Finland. I love Oulu. But, come on, there isn't just the 1 type of Finn. And even the "silent' type (which I prefer) is very warm and outgoing when given space, sincerity and calm. In fact, I found getting into a decent conversation and a good night out as a stranger in Finland is way easier than in may other places.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#87

Post by stevekemp »

fi358 wrote: post #52

Sometimes in Finland you see people from countries like USA talking with each other endlessly and often quite loudly. Many of us Finns find it annoying as it is against local customs (it resembles situation where somebody comes too close to my personal space). This constant chit-chat prevents me concentrating on my own thoughts. I wouldn't mind if they would talk about some important things or keep their chit-chat sh…

You're not wrong.

But also there are a lot of Finns who seem to enjoy having loud phone-calls of their own, whilst sat next to you on the tram/bus. I find that more annoying to be honest.

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#89

Post by stevekemp »

buboard wrote: post #49
mtgx wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or maybe just a climate thing? I find I want to talk much less when my face is freezing. In the long term I imagine this could have easily turned into a habit/cultural thing. You also hear about Latin American people being much "warmer" and friendly, etc.

i find the british are pretty chatty, even when its freezing. Yes, warm weather -> people being outdoors -> eventually chat more (and don't do much work)

As somebody from the UK who moved to Finland, there's a big difference in the degrees of "Freezing".

Sure in the UK somebody might say they're freezing at -5, but in Finland I've been as cold as -25, even in the South.

(People in Finland are better dressed for the weather, and houses are all pretty new, so they're generally well-insulated. But there's probably some truth in the idea that talking to strangers becomes less appealing when you're wrapped in scarves, and winter-gear.)

Re: How the Finnish survive without small talk

#90

Post by thekingofh »

Silence is great, but there's something more to small talk than just filling silence. Small talk primes the pump for some good conversation. I can't tell you how many times I've come across great conversations and tidbits of information that I'd never have if I didn't chat up with some kind of nonsense to start the conversation. Or alternatively if someone else didn't. The initial part of the conversation is useless, we all know that, but it's a handshake of sorts to see if there's a possibility of a good exchange of something more. If the other person doesn't want to talk, then a quick canned response is the equivalent of, "Hi I acknowledge you, but I don't want to talk right now.". There's a protocol. If the person wants to talk they'll give the canned response, with an added tidbit that can be grabbed onto for further conversation. People are usually just going through their day on autopilot, waiting for a opportunity to connect with someone.
Post reply on HN