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My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

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Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#81

Post by hycaria »

jackhack wrote: post #79
hycaria wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because if you don't ask you won't have an answer ? If I am legitimately curious, why shouldn't I ask ? Also I didn't say I mind to have someone refuse to answer. Just that they go straight to the pile of people I dislike. I mean this comes of course in all variations, but people who get directly offended by questions or come up with that sweet smile and pseudoapologetic answer as to why they don't want to share this…

Your understanding of social boundaries, social cues, and personal space (and the lack of respect for this) is very unusual. Others have a right to privacy, and what you attribute as malice could be due to shame, embarrassment, fear, or a host of other reasons. These are their own, and they deserve this. The way you personalize a lack of sharing aligns is not typical. Please don't take this the wrong way, but have yo…

>Others have a right to privacy, and what you attribute as malice could be due to shame, embarrassment, fear, or a host of other reasons. These are their own, and they deserve this.

Did you read my post ? Where am I saying that they don't ? I tried to make as clear as possible that just as it's their own right, I have no interest in befriending or have further talking with people like that. Is that pathological?

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#82

Post by hycaria »

writer618 wrote: post #68
hycaria wrote: post #46

I am rather disappointed that she chose not to describe anything and just whine over prejudices she's visibly not in the mood to take down. I understand not wanting to draw any sympathy over this and not to be pitied, not to be seen as a caretaker or whatever, but she also needs to understand that it's NOT most people daily lives and we can't imagine what it looks like. So yeah, this whole dishes thing. Is he really…

Hi! I am the writer of this piece. To answer your questions: Your use of the phrase "without use of any limbs" is the problem here. That is not what quadriplegic means. It means that all limbs are affected and at least partially paralyzed by a spinal cord injury, or other injury/illness. My husband's injury level is C 5/6, which is a fairly mid-level injury- higher in the spinal cord than many and lower than others.…

Thanks for the clarifications.

As you're not gonna change the way people and society understand quadriplegic, why not do yourself a favor and describe just a little bit more precisely the extend of his disabilities (or the definition of the word if you obviously see that the person takes it that you chose to marry someone with no use of any of his limbs), rather than just toss out such "scary" words and then take outrage when people assume the worst things out the vague terms you used.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#83

Post by msla »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

> Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices.

No. I stutter, and I'm somewhat disabled due to that in my own eyes, in that I have to spend more mental effort to speak clearly than a normal person would or else my vocal apparatus collapses into a mess of bad feedback loops and I'm completely incomprehensible (and, sometimes, in a certain amount of pain).

Your platitude is a bit beyond the "You can do anything!" fluff, which I understand and agree with in that stutterers have gone on to have very productive careers in public-facing roles (James Earl Jones stuttered, as did the disgraced Nazi-sympathizing British king, etc.), and veers into the simply incorrect. My ability to express myself verbally is, by default, less than it should be. I can compensate for it, and I do, but I will not pretend nothing is wrong here.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#84

Post by siddharthdeswal »

Did anyone else feel that this post was very difficult to read? I'm not being insensitive. I haven't really understood what the author was saying in this post.

All I got was that some colleague (or her husband was it?) was feeling bad for the author. After that it was a lot of words & sentences, broken up into paragraphs. Couldn't get anything more than that.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#85

Post by simonh »

midgetjones wrote: post #42
simonh wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My first boss was a dwarf. She was a force of nature, one of the most powerful personalities I've ever come across. We didn't always see eye to eye, but she ended up running the department and deservedly so.

> We didn't always see eye to eye Maybe not the best choice of words

Maybe, it wasn’t in my mind until you mentioned it. But then perhaps contorting my word choice to avoid the common idiom would look obvious and gratingly call attention to the height issue. Honestly when common phrases that referenced height came up in conversation, Jane loved it. She though it was just funny. If someone said something about looking up to someone, she’d just say she looked up to everyone and we’d have a laugh. I just learned to relax about things like that with her.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#86

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

simonh wrote: post #85
midgetjones wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We didn't always see eye to eye Maybe not the best choice of words

Maybe, it wasn’t in my mind until you mentioned it. But then perhaps contorting my word choice to avoid the common idiom would look obvious and gratingly call attention to the height issue. Honestly when common phrases that referenced height came up in conversation, Jane loved it. She though it was just funny. If someone said something about looking up to someone, she’d just say she looked up to everyone and we’d hav…

Of course, I advise on 'growth hacks' as well :p

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#87

Post by Abishek_Muthian »

msla wrote: post #83
Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #14

The prejudices which a disabled person faces or their partner in this case are humongous. I'm a dwarf with limb deformities, as CEO of a startup I perform the role of at-least dozen able-bodied people of my age each day. Still, since people who I haven't met personally don't know I'm a dwarf expect a 6ft Suite clad man at the business meeting; at the meeting I can see the sense of disappointment when they see me init…

> Always remember, a disabled person see's themselves as disabled only in the eyes of the people with prejudices. No. I stutter, and I'm somewhat disabled due to that in my own eyes, in that I have to spend more mental effort to speak clearly than a normal person would or else my vocal apparatus collapses into a mess of bad feedback loops and I'm completely incomprehensible (and, sometimes, in a certain amount of pai…

Thanks for sharing your opinion, let me reason my platitude.

Yes, my disability is not without difficulties -

I have a BMI of a child, with it I have to perform duties of several adults every day. I'm constantly in pain, much of my childhood were spent in hospitals for surgeries on my limb deformities (I underwent ilizarov ring fixation for 4 times, with 2 years completely immobile at different times); perhaps of which physical pain doesn't bother me anymore.

Coming back to my statement, yes I face constant physical difficulties. But every moment I spend thinking about it, I get closer to sitting in a corner of my house for rest of my life like thousands of other disabled persons in my country. It might be called a farce, that "I put up a display of nothing is wrong with me"; then again it might inspire a few to come out of a closet and put up a brave fight against prejudices.

Re: My Quadriplegic Husband and Me

#88

Post by tomhoward »

adrianN wrote: post #24
zaptheimpaler wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People used to think murder and theft were OK before religion came along. Society is a tool to change people. People most certainly can be changed... maybe difficult for individuals but across generations a lot can happen.

Citation needed. I'm pretty sure murder and theft are frowned upon even in groups of monkeys.

Chimps are sometimes observed to be violent and murderous, either for territorial[1] or hierarchical[2] reasons.

I'm not of the belief that religion is necessarily what made murder taboo, but self-reflective consciousness and sophisticated ethical systems (especially development of an understanding of the mutual self-interest of the "golden rule"[3]) would seem to be key factors.

[1] https://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/06/100621-scie...

[2] https://www.newscientist.com/article/2119677-chimps-beat-up-...

[3] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule

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