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Long-term stress erodes memory

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Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's called meditation these days, but it's not about thinking no thoughts. It's about sorting your thoughts until there are no more worries. Everyone should be doing this.

Not quite, it's so much different from meditation. What you are referring to is more of the western concept of "quietism" which is pretty synonymous with meditation. But in either case, I agree, everyone should be practicing this.

Meditation is so broad that it includes what both of you are talking about.

It certainly sounds like one of you is talking about the meditating by using your thoughts as an object (sorting thoughts obviously makes no sense once you stop identifying them as "yours"), while the other is talking about simply doing it object-free.

Both are taught by many of the same traditions, with neither being necessarily better or worse, though usually the object-free version is taught later because it's hard to do without something to focus on when you're first starting.

I personally find the prior more useful when I'm trying to process a specific problem or stressor and the latter to be more useful after I've done some preprocessing. They are often done sequentially for this reason, as well as because meditating briefly with a specific focus helps prepare you mentally for the more general focus-free meditation where you simply rest in the experience of existence. But other preparation meditations with focuses can also be used to help you mentally prepare, such as focusing on body sensations, breath, vision, sounds, etc. Thoughts are just another thing you can observe.

EDIT: I'd note that the Wikipedia article on Hesychasm describes it as asceticism and "blocking off", so in retrospect I'd describe it as a different class of meditation than those that involve resting in experience. More like visualization practice or some of the scarier death practices. But they're talking about the "advanced" version there, and such things are easy to misconstrue because the language for describing it is poor. But I'd still call it a meditation.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#82
post #75
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not the poster you're asking, but have 3 kids. Stress factors include: 1) Getting very, very poor sleep, which can last anywhere from 2-12 months depending on your kid and your parenting technique. 2) Higher monthly expenses, plus a potentially-giant bill for the birth, on top of a year of smaller but still substantial bills for various things. This will be worse if the pregnancy is split over two years of insurance…

Just to make sure those wanting to become parent don't get things too wrong. Having a child is a choice most of the time (if you are OK with contraception). Therefore, since it will effectively replace yourself by your child in your life equation, be sure you want the little kid. If you want it, then it'll feel much easier (but not completely easy nonetheless, the OP is right about 75% of your spare time disappearing…

Right, totally, and I've got three of the little devils so clearly I'm not entirely down on the experience, but having a kid could well be the single most stressful (and possibly expensive—childcare or having one partner stay home is really really expensive) event/decision in an HNer's life for a variety of reasons that aren't always obvious to non-parents. It's no picnic.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#83
post #82
post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just to make sure those wanting to become parent don't get things too wrong. Having a child is a choice most of the time (if you are OK with contraception). Therefore, since it will effectively replace yourself by your child in your life equation, be sure you want the little kid. If you want it, then it'll feel much easier (but not completely easy nonetheless, the OP is right about 75% of your spare time disappearing…

Right, totally, and I've got three of the little devils so clearly I'm not entirely down on the experience, but having a kid could well be the single most stressful (and possibly expensive—childcare or having one partner stay home is really really expensive) event/decision in an HNer's life for a variety of reasons that aren't always obvious to non-parents. It's no picnic.

Damn! Three ! You must love that :-) I'm more than happy with 2. And besides, 3 means that there are more kids than adults in the family :-) It's like playing a football game with on player excluded :-)

(but as I say, if one chooses it and feels like being a parent, I can guarantee a hell of satisfaction, those kids are just marvelous eyes openers)

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#84
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not the poster you're asking, but have 3 kids. Stress factors include: 1) Getting very, very poor sleep, which can last anywhere from 2-12 months depending on your kid and your parenting technique. 2) Higher monthly expenses, plus a potentially-giant bill for the birth, on top of a year of smaller but still substantial bills for various things. This will be worse if the pregnancy is split over two years of insurance…

> potentially-giant bill for the birth It boggles my mind that we consider the US a first-world country when I read things like this. Also not sure I agree about the breastfeeding being so bad. Sure, it's a bit of a chore, but most mothers I know (including my wife) found it to be a positive experience that increases attachment. And the leaving the house/car part I also don't follow. You have one more person to dress…

> And the leaving the house/car part I also don't follow. You have one more person to dress and one more item of luggage to carry; it's hardly an exponential increase.

It's mainly that something so easy you barely think about it becomes something you do have to think about. It's a vanishingly tiny value being acted upon such that it is many times larger than it was, though still not huge. It does get worse with older kids—newborns are in many ways very easy, sleep and constant feedings aside—and I understand that some people have lots and lots of trouble with the process, though for us it's not that bad, just a non-issue that is now a once-or-more-a-day minor issue.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not quite, it's so much different from meditation. What you are referring to is more of the western concept of "quietism" which is pretty synonymous with meditation. But in either case, I agree, everyone should be practicing this.

Meditation is so broad that it includes what both of you are talking about. It certainly sounds like one of you is talking about the meditating by using your thoughts as an object (sorting thoughts obviously makes no sense once you stop identifying them as "yours"), while the other is talking about simply doing it object-free. Both are taught by many of the same traditions, with neither being necessarily better or wo…

> with neither being necessarily better or worse

sorry, I think this is where the confusion is coming from. My original expansion on the comment with heyschasm was in response to kingmanaz. If you are a Christian, the heyechastic practice is markedly better than simply meditating. I was trying to differentiate between modern renditions of what meditation looks like, with the christian ascetical discipline of heyschasm, and I concluded by saying both are beneficial in any case, to someone who is under extreme long term stress.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Was the stress primarily because of sleep deprivation/multitasking with a new baby? I am just trying to understand.

No, my wife had complications and was misdiagnosed. Long story, it is over now.

Hope things are better now. Yes, this is totally understandable. Coping with a new baby is difficult, but any other complication just makes it super difficult.

Re: Long-term stress erodes memory

#90

By the far, the most stressful thing I've ever done is stay with my dad while he died of cancer. For the last two weeks of his life, I stayed at the long-term care facility he was at. I put all my client's projects on hold so I could be with him. I stayed perhaps 18 or more hours of each day. I slept in the chair next to his bed. I did my best to take care of what he needed. When he was in pain I would go out into th…

I am sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to this. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 19. Long, slow, painful death that myself and my 7 other siblings had to witness. It took years to get over the trauma and I am certain some of my younger siblings (ages 2 to 15) had PTSD.

I was not yet into my career at that age but I am certain it would have heavily affected my concentration and ability.

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