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Married to someone with anxiety

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Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#81

Post by Sgt_Apone »

arghIdontwantto wrote: post #72
Sgt_Apone wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't think I can handle this much more to the point I'm getting depressed as well (suicide thoughts) I'd strongly suggest telling someone how you are feeling if you have not already. I've been there myself where my significant other was having physical health issues and I was just spent emotionally, physically and financially. That discussion with my spouse and family was a big turning point for all of us for th…

I have, for the first time in 5 years, yesterday I opened up to someone with all of this. People around me know she has 'problems' but not what I'm going through or how I feel. As for my wife, we've talked about this many times, but due to her illness, even if she tries to take the load off my back, it just doesn't work and things go back to 'normal' in a few days. I rather have this so-so state even though I'm in pa…

That's good that you've reached out. I hope you work through it all for the better. I know it's easier said than done, but just remember to take care of yourself in whatever way that you can. Your wellbeing is always worth fighting for.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#83

Post by tixocloud »

FailMore wrote: post #59

Hi All, I thought I'd share my experience as someone who has been through anxiety and come through the other side. I was very lucky to have (and still have) a fantastic therapist to help and teach me. Why we get anxiety: I sure know how confusing anxiety can be! It doesn't feel like it comes from anywhere clear or that it has an obvious purpose... but in fact is is strangely systematic. Anxiety does two things (we wi…

I am neither from YC or a rich person but I strongly believe in helping people get over these issues and I am interested in learning more about what you're thinking about.

For me, I do think that there should be a scalable solution but I also think that the solution should involve more connectedness with the human side of people. Something along the lines of building a network of support like AA but on a grander scale.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#84

Post by tixocloud »

beat wrote: post #47
11thEarlOfMar wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Consider the impact on the children of anxiety sufferers. If not successfully treated, they can suffer even more greatly than a spouse. Children are a source of anxiety even for healthy parents. If you're married to an abnormally anxious spouse, wait to have kids until/unless it is managed.

I'm married to someone with anxiety, and our now-adult daughter has anxiety issues far worse than her mother does. Mental health issues are biological and usually genetic in nature. Frankly, mental health is far worse in my own family than it is in my wife's family, so I suspect the issues our children face are genetically more my responsibility than hers. As an extrovert, it's generally my role in the family to go d…

I also have reason to believe that it's also related to one's upbringing.

That being said, I think you're doing a noble thing. By taking little steps to overcome these issues are the best way to get through the root cause.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#86

Post by manmal »

There might be something that you can do - probiotics. There has been research that the microbiome is at least somehow linked to anxiety [1].

Not just any probiotic - there's a lot of unresearched crap being sold, some even dangerous (e.g. some soil based organisms can become opportunistic). I can recommend L. Plantarum 299v (this strain reportedly does not produce d-lactic acid, which is really desirable, as probiotic use could lead to acidosis [2], [3]), E. Coli Nissle 1917, and maybe a well researched soil-based mix (Prescript Assist maybe, they claim that it's the best researched probiotic in its class). Testing your biome at ubiome could provide you with info on what is missing, or what group of organisms is underrepresented. I haven't tried that yet though.

Sorry for not providing links to studies for all my claims, as I'm not at home, but all that should be easy to back up by searching at pubmed.

[1]: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/23384445/

[2]: https://med.virginia.edu/ginutrition/wp-content/uploads/site...

[3]: http://hkjpaed.org/pdf/2006%3B11%3B246-254.pdf

Update: Added another link. Why the downvote?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#87

Post by freehunter »

jsprogrammer wrote: post #68
xahrepap wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I should have insisted on some therapy for myself as well Yes. So much this. I suffer from pretty serious anxiety. And just a few months ago I was fighting through the worst of it. Looking back at how much my wife was doing and how stressed she was... I feel like she could've benefitted from therapy almost more than me. I wish we as a culture can get over the therapy stereotypes. Both my kids see a therapist on a r…

My problem with "therapy" is that the word is woefully undefined. Sticking an ice pick up a person's nose, into their brain, and just moving the pick around has been counted as therapy.

Yeah and leeches used to be called "medicine" but if you shy away from doctors because of what the profession practiced in the past (things that are illegal now) you're not exactly doing yourself any favors.

Therapy these days does not mean lobotomies.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#88

Post by jacalata »

draw_down wrote: post #74

God bless you both but I could never do this. Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult. I was with someone like this for years in my 20s and it eventually became unbearable. At some level, "I have anxiety" starts to feel like an excuse, not that the person can control it exactly, but we all have the ability to tell which of the thoughts occur to us are good ones worth liste…

> Life is hard enough without your partner making things that should be easy difficult.

Would you make the same argument about a partner with cancer, or Alzheimer's, or multiple sclerosis?

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#89

Post by JohnBooty »

When your partner has anxiety, every problem you have now becomes two problems.

Because when you have a problem (work, health, whatever) you now either have to

(1) figure out how to tell your partner without causing a meltdown (which will probably fail no matter what you do) or...

(2) just keep it to yourself (obviously unhealthy)

So that sucks. You have to partially mitigate it by reducing your partner's overall stress levels. And also learning how to communicate while tiptoeing through the fucking minefield of their emotions without getting your legs blown off. (Except the mines are moving so, good luck with that)

It's not their fault, they didn't choose this. You did.

Re: Married to someone with anxiety

#90

Post by michaelkeenan »

dominotw wrote: post #79
physcab wrote: post #5

Thank you for writing this. When people talk about these issues it becomes easier and more acceptable to society and it helps lessen anxiety stigmas. As someone who suffers from anxiety and who regularly seeks therapy, I can say that the rituals that have helped me are: - Realizing that anxiety isn't who you are, but more like a disturbance that will pass - Eating, sleeping, exercising, and practicing mindfulness go…

>One piece of advice I have for you is to not take on the role of mental health professional in your relationship. This isn't your problem and you can quickly tire yourself out. This is precisely the opposite of what happened in the post in question. Cause of anxiety was wanting to live a lifestyle and not wanting to work a stressful job. Marriage and "permission" to quit solved the issue immediately. None of the the…

I get a different impression from the post. Rather than quitting and marriage solving the problem immediately, I think she still has anxiety, because he wrote: "She still has anxiety, and I imagine she always will. But we are able to deal with this in a much more productive way. Sure, there are times where it all gets a bit too much"

I don't think it's correct to say "None of the therapy stuff did them any good" because therapy isn't mentioned in the post. If you meant counseling, he mentioned that positively, in the context of the useful decision to quit the job: "we found a private counsellor who could help get to the route of what was causing some of this anxiety — we then discussed a lot of these sessions and reflected on them and tried to put into practice some of the advice we were receiving. We also made big and brave decisions like my wife quitting her exhausting job up in London"

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