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I wrote a small piece on planned death

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Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#81

Post by PieterH »

thu wrote: post #17

I'm from Belgium, just like Pieter, and a former colleague of mine worked with him and knows him well. I didn't want to read its previous blog post when I saw the title on HN. Then that former colleague posted it on Facebook, and I told myself the title was about Pieter himself. The father of my girlfriend died from cancer a few months ago. When I met him three years ago he was fine. Not sure if it is a good idea to…

I'm determined to show people that death does not need to be a sad or depressing thing. Loss is, of course. I know my kids are going to suffer. I know they're going to be angry, confused, maybe even self-destructive at times, when they realize over and over that the person who steered them has gone, and they have to learn to steer themselves.

Yet it's part of the order of things, isn't it? Loss forces us forwards. My kids are strong and they know it and they'll get courage in their darkest moments by remembering that I was never afraid, angry, or self-destructive, when I was dying.

This part, it is playful and joyful, and I'm so incredibly happy to be part of it.

And I'm not on any drugs, just a large carton of Ayran my son bought me from the baker this morning. :)

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#82

Post by PieterH »

datamoshr wrote: post #5

Pieters calmness as he wrote these two last pieces is admirable. As an existential thanataphobe[1] I'd love to understand a bit more on how he's come to this level of serenity and acceptance. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_anxiety_(psychology)

If you read my book The Psychopath Code you'll see my discussion on "grounding", which is a simple (yet hard) technique for keeping yourself free of destructive emotions.

That book, BTW was absolutely panned on Reddit since I'm not a psychologist. I watched hundreds of comments telling me to fuck off, to kill myself, how did I dare discuss such things without credentials.

And at the same time I watched my book sales spike up to 10 times more than ever before, and I chortled like a gleeful madman...

Sometimes it's really just a matter of perspective and I'm usually good at finding the right perspective on things.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#83

Post by PieterH »

Delmania wrote: post #55
datamoshr wrote: post #5

Pieters calmness as he wrote these two last pieces is admirable. As an existential thanataphobe[1] I'd love to understand a bit more on how he's come to this level of serenity and acceptance. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_anxiety_(psychology)

What choice did he have? He probably went through the classic 7 stages of grief. In the end, his death was inevitable (as is all of ours), he just was faced with it as a reality as most of us think it is many years off.

Honestly, when I was told I had cancer five+ years ago, it was just the same. I understood the diagnosis rapidly, cooperated fully, and when they told me I would be operated (on my birthday, 2010), I realized I might live, and prepared myself for surgery. I never had any strong negative emotions about it.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#84

Post by PieterH »

pieter_mj wrote: post #12

I recently witnessed my uncle's euthanasia. There's a few things to consider and discuss with your leifarts (as the euthanasia assisting doctor is called in Belgium) : - death is instantanious (within 15-30 seconds of administration of penthotal) - often a sedative is given. Dormicum can lead to loud snoring so you should discuss with your doctor necessity/alternative

Hey, high five to fellow Belgian Pieter! :)

Yes, I was with my dad a month or so ago, same thing. One small injection to make him sleep, then after 5 minutes, one to stop his heart. It was instant, like switching off a light.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#85

Post by PieterH »

panorama wrote: post #6

I can't fathom how it must feel to live each day while a cancer grows inside of me. Pieter is definitely a man of much greater fortitude than I. I also can't get over the fact that 1 in 2 people develop cancer in their lifetimes. One would think curing cancer ought to be amongst humanity's greatest concerted challenges.

In my case, my lungs are filling up with something that is slowly choking me. I take oxygen and have bad coughing spells, and that's it. No pain yet. When the cancer grows into my stomach it'll be worse. I've no timetable so am guessing a month or two before I need permanent pain killers and am effectively out of action.

(If I can't think and write clearly, I'm finished.)

I'm organizing a party/wake/meetup/barbeque at my place on 5th June, no matter what state I'm in. :)

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#86

Post by pillowkusis »

I've never known your work until just recently Pieter, but your writing is elegant and powerful. I will remember it when it's my turn to follow you.

I can imagine no worse fate than contracting alzheimer's disease, and its a prospect that frightens me all the more knowing that in the US, it would be very difficult to avoid suffering through it to the bitter end. In the US, you have little control over your death.

Your eloquent advocacy for planned death is much needed. Thank you for your work.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#87

Post by dang »

goldenkey wrote: post #7

We strive to have a high signal to noise ratio on HN. There's nothing wrong with what you wrote, they are your emotions. However, please make an effort to tell us more about how you feel or your thoughts and comments on the post.

I don't see anything wrong with that comment.

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11627005 and marked it off-topic.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#88

Post by mindfulgeek »

I watched my father die of cancer when I was in my early 20s. He went through a bone marrow transplant -- twice. The first time he was sick and it was hard, but he was cancer free for a few months and managed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. When the cancer came back, he had very little chance of surviving. He opted for full blown treatment, against everyone's recommendations (and my mother's wishes). His body was still weakened from the first transplant, and the cancer grew resistant. Those had been the worst 6 months of my life. In the end, they sent him home. He looked about 80 years old, with thin skin and a frail frame.

A few days later he passed in what I found to be the most humiliating and painful few days. After I watched him die, I promised myself I would never let my kids see me die that way -- petrified and feeble. I hadn't realized it then, but the child I made that promise for was barely one when I got my diagnosis. The odds were not in my favor, but I wanted nothing more than to give her a mother.

I decided to risk everything and be treated. I spent what could have been the last months of my life in a hospital, too sick to see her. As my oncologist told me -- I was losing one year to save the rest. Best risk of my life. She's almost eight and has a one year old brother. Life is good.

Good luck to you. The world is filled with miracles. Your attitude will be the most important thing your children remember. Keep loving them.

Re: I wrote a small piece on planned death

#90

Post by makenosound »

If you’re interested in some further discussion, Andrew Denton and The Wheeler Centre have been working through the topic of euthanasia (with a particular focus on Australia) in their Better Off Dead podcast: http://www.wheelercentre.com/broadcasts/podcasts/better-off-...
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