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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#791

Post by trizzak »

jniedrauer wrote: post #189
residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Bringing a child into the world to increase my own personal happiness, when nothing else I could do has such a direct and massive climate impact, is not something I can justify personally. Not to mention, my child would have to live to see the impacts of climate change. There is coming a point (it has already passed, in my opinion), where we can no longer justify our purpose for existence as "creating more humans."

People who care deeply about the planet are exactly the people who should pass their sensibilities to the next generation.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#792

Post by balladeer »

JohnBooty wrote: post #578
armenarmen wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A good longer play to bust out of that is to start working out of an independent cafe. Find one with a lower rate of laptop jockeys but that still has a couple. Bounce around until you find one that feels right: a good amount of regulars, people doodling, and bullshitting with baristas. Show up a couple times a week, drop into the odd conversation. And be ready to say “anyone want to grab a beer” come quitting time.…

This is great advice! (I also agree with OP's sad lack of connection in America. It is there but it is work to find it sometimes) Also great: Volunteering. You're guaranteed to meet some good people because these are other people that are interested in (1) working together (2) helping people (3) donating their time. The very worst-case scenario is that you don't make friends, but have helped somebody in need. =) Spor…

I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Whatever gathering/party it is, some always light up cigarettes and that party literally ends right there for me. So, I have given up on conventional social gatherings. Even people I play sports with (I am a regular at badminton and football/soccer) smoke when we hangout.

I have always loved travelling so that's what I do every weekend - to some town or hills or a beach or trekking somewhere. Treks are where I meet quite some people and they don't smoke, at least not there.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#793

Post by truncate »

JohnBooty wrote: post #605
hughes wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are they? I usually feel like the last thing I'd ever do at a gym is talk to someone, and someone talking to me would be really surprising...

Depends on the gym. If it's just a place where you spend 15 bucks a month and there's a bunch of machines you can use, probably not a meeting place. Would perhaps even be creepy and/or rude to talk to others. But when you're taking classes with people, or it's a crossfit kinda gym that's totally built around a team concept, great place to meet people.

To me, it seems like gym isn't the place. I've been taking group class for over 4 months. I've not made a single friend in this time. People come on time, do the class, pack up their shit quickly and leave.

It is in bay area, and I go-to my company gym which is fairly busy and big.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#794

Post by balladeer »

souprock wrote: post #201
ratsimihah wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sounds great! Just be careful not too become too dependent on someone else.

Becoming dependent is part of the deal. It keeps people together through the difficult times.

That was my mistake in my last relationship. Everything I did alone and loved it absolutely - sometimes even more, I started doing pretty much "only with her" and after we parted ways that has been the most difficult part - I kind of forgot how I was happy, active, engaged with just being myself and not with anyone else necessarily.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#795

Post by sk0g »

fencepost wrote: post #757
sk0g wrote: post #721

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As much as I'd like to follow the rule, I think I have an actual, varied social life now, and this would be... Risky. I've been invited to a violent sounding orgy of the many male, one female kind (always been a dream of the girl's, but I do have someone I'm seeing). In the last few months, also been invited to an open Satanic book reading sessions. Beginner friendly, I had been told.

It doesn't seem unreasonable to put a limit of "as long as it doesn't violate my ethics/morals or any criminal statutes." "Hey, I need to dispose of [toxic waste¦a body¦evidence], can you help out?" "Sorry, have to wash my hair."

The second one does not really violate moral or ethical codes, IMO? The first one I know some people might be able to justify, but I brought it up with my girlfriend jokingly, she said I was a dead man if I even thought about it, and that was that :)

It just becomes a slippery slope though, because rules like this are meant to push you towards doing things you don't really want to. Once you start making exceptions, you will find reasons to say no to everything.

Like, I made myself a rule to not buy anything on the first day I see it. All well and good, but yesterday I bought a guitar for about $1500. I had technically seen it in the store before, but this was a different one of the same model, with a much nicer finish, and felt better to play.

Seems like an innocuous exception, but internally I know that I'm going to start impulse spending again. At least now I can (better) afford random bouts of stupidity!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#796

Post by yters »

A contrarian opinion to this narrative of loneliness:

While the American dream has likely contributed to the epidemic of loneliness, it has also introduced many more options for reversing the trend: - Large amount of wealth and high level of safety to make it easier to raise families - High mobility and communication technology allows for individuals to easily group together, while more easily maintaining distant relationships - Many foster care and adoption options for those who cannot or do not wish to have biological children

Additionally, all of our freedom allows us to solve the loneliness epidemic is a highly humanitarian manner, such as through foster care and adoption, and freedom to form families.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#797

Post by nixarian »

It's feminism. I don't know how much clearer the effects of unrestrained female 'choice' need to be. Unrestrained male 'choice' of the same destructive vein results in prison sentencing, but women are free to destroy as they see fit, because it's a personal choice.

If we, as the author state, can't 'go back', then we'll die from this wound.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#798

Post by StillBored »

I tend to be more the loner, harder now that i'm married with kids, but I've moved a few times to places where I knew absolutely no one. So, frankly if your in this boat don't do the studio apartment, and definitely don't got home and turn on the TV/computer.

Get a two bedroom, and advertise for a roommate, and be creative for joining organizations/activities where you will interact with the same group of people repeatedly, volunteering, team sports, workout groups, adult learning classes, church, etc. Something will stick as long as you smile at people and start random conversations. I might even suggest the bar, but again you need to find a more neighborhoody/dive bar and go there enough to see the same people. Then find out what there interests are and invite them to do something with you,

The point is get the fsck out of the house. Loner activities can even work if you strike up conversations with the people you meet while out running/etc and then invite them for a coffee/beer/etc.

Invite your coworkers to lunch, happy hour, etc.

Now at that said, a big part of this is making sure your friendly and positive, and act interested in people. Start acting negative, or self centered and people won't want to go hang out again.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#799

Post by nixarian »

Miner49er wrote: post #44
codingslave wrote: post #7

I would argue that the decline of the family is directly linked to feminism, or better stated, the liberation of women from the home and from conservative sexual values. The two forces behind that are birth control and women entering the work force. These two are magnified by online dating and social media. I am not saying at all that these are bad things, just that we have yet to see the true effects of feminism on…

I'm sure feminism plays a role. As the article said, women can now more freely leave abusive husbands. That's one example of how it would increase divorce rates. However, I don't think it is the sole reason. For example, why then are wealthy people more likely to have families, as the article describes? The fact that wealthier people have families more seems to support the idea that it is at least partially caused by…

Wealthy 'people' are more likely to have families because women are more likely to marry wealthy men, and are more likely to remain with wealthy men. It's hypergamy, which was unleashed by feminism.
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