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Talking to strangers at the gym

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Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#761

Post by bean469 »

sparklingmango wrote: post #118
grunder_advice wrote: post #108

I feel, like a lot of 21st century life is trying to do things artificially. Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing. You go to the gym because your daily routine isn't active enough. You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfilling interactions with other people. Also it's kind of od…

> "Going to the gym, talking to strangers at the gym, ... these are both artifical replacements for human activity that is missing." As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle? Going to the gym and talking to strangers at the gym isn't an "artificial replacement", it's a genuine activity lots of people do. > "You try to form friendships with strangers because your daily routine lacks real and fulfillin…

> As opposed to what, our ancient hunter gatherer lifestyle?

I guess the point is that lots of people before didn't need gyms for staying fit. Gyms in certain countries used to be viewed as a place where athletes go to train, and in many places people still view gyms as that

I don't have the numbers to back this up, but in places where you don't need a car to get around, like Amsterdam, lots of people stay fit by just driving their bicycle to work, school and so on

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#762

Post by jodrellblank »

drivers99 wrote: post #226
planet36 wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And "Remember their name".

I remember the book saying something like "a person's name is the most beautiful sound in the world to them." The book may say to say their name back to them (I don't remember right now), but that's not what I took away from it. It reminded me of when people would make fun of my name (first and/or last) or bring up someone famous who has the same first ("Donald Duck") or last name ("are you related Joan Rivers?"), or…

> "I remember the book saying something like "a person's name is the most beautiful sound in the world to them.""

Nobody made fun of my name particularly, it's not like anyone famous, I just don't like it very much. I don't call myself by my name in my head, or on the internet. For most of my life my friends and coworkers had nicknames for me and I prefered that. I associate my name with official paperwork, formal situations, negative situations, aquaintances, and salespeople.

Perhaps because of this I have a bit of fixation on names (people, places, and products) and judging them to sound good or bad. Some names sound great or fine and it's no surprise to me if 'Robert' likes his name and likes hearing it. But I struggle to imagine that people called 'Helpless' or 'Abuse-not'[1] thinking those are the most beautiful sound in the world.

[1] https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/09/puritan-names-lists...

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#763

Post by [deleted] »

SamBam wrote: post #737
soperj wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess I should edit it to just compliments are my biggest red flag, and it's born out of experience. These people are looking for something either now or in the future, and this bullshit false niceness is simply their way of cultivating a network of people that they can use.

My wife is a great compliment giver. She'll walk down the street and see a person wearing a great shirt and say "Oh my God, I love that shirt! It looks so great on you!" The other person will smile and laugh, and they'll exchange a couple other words, and then be on their way. What do you think my wife is looking for that's a red flag?

[deleted]

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#764

Post by rdevilla »

butlike wrote: post #742
munificent wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> You turn it off and they all go away... They disappear to you , but not to all of the other people who you share a society with who are still staring at their little boxes. And, for better or worse, you still have to live in a world with and share elections with those people too. I agree, completely, that it's good to get offline. But the pervasive societal effects of extremely online psychology can't be solved sim…

To push back on your last point, I truly believe that yes, they can.

Very naive for you to say that.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#766

Post by Chris2048 »

pton_xd wrote: post #473
asdfman123 wrote: post #436

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The main pattern I follow is to break the pattern and make a joke, be sarcastic respectfully or give a compliment I'm having to learn this about online dating too. My online dates traditionally don't go anywhere because typically they've been about just exchanging information, which is frankly boring to both parties. You have to (gently) riff and tease a bit or it's not going to go anywhere. If you're talking about…

> If you're talking about your jobs, nothing is going to happen. That reminds me of when I first moved out of California and away from the tech scene after being immersed in it for some 10-odd years. People just don't talk about their jobs! They'd much rather talk about their interests, hobbies, friends and family, ... literally anything else. Their job is just not an important part of their identity. Was quite the c…

Depends what your job is.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#767

Post by ericmcer »

nozzlegear wrote: post #112
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

> I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. FWIW this book came out in the 1930s, long before "red pilling" was a thing. I've read it before and it's not about manipulating people unless you consider being a genuinely sincere person to be manipulative in some way. It's a good book, if a little outdated, and,…

A woman who I used to talk to when I worked at a grocery store said something similar to me: "People will forget what was said but they never forget how they feel".

We do get caught up in like "I shouldn't have said x or y" when the reality is if you make other people feel nice they will want to have you around. If you say the perfect words but overall make them feel bad they won't want you around.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#768

Post by IAmBroom »

temp8830 wrote: post #730
xico wrote: post #712

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, force yourself to care. I'd argue that there is a very strong value in doing something good, not just because it's genetically or socially imprinted on you, but because you actually decide to do it. This applies to everything, there is no merit in being good at something just because you were born that way.

But the question was different: it wasn't "can I get good at this flowery small talk if it doesn't come naturally?", it was "is flowery small talk genuine care?" I would posit that no, it is not. And it's not even unambiguously a good thing. There are plenty of cultures where people are described as cold until you get to know them, but once you do - they'd die for you. To me, that is genuine care. The American "Hiii!…

What's fake is this concept that "How are you?" is an American thing. I get it; you probably first heard this from a comedian, and it is appealing.

Brits offer, "Cheers!", but don't actually invest in hoping you feel cheer.

Chinese say, "You good?", to which one replies, "Good." Same thing as Americans.

Etc. Greetings the world-round are typically a surface-level check on well-being, without a huge emotional investment.

Re: Talking to strangers at the gym

#769

Post by jodrellblank »

CaptWillard wrote: post #382
alexmuresan wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I avoided this book for a long time. for some reason I got it in my head that it's a sort of red pilled book that teaches you how to manipulate people. I know it's very shallow on my side, but I somehow crystallized this opinion based on a few acquaintances that claimed to read it and instead that they include the name of a person they just met in every sentence because it made that person like them more. Your commen…

I'm curious what "red pilled" means to you. I would think a "red pilled" book would focus on resisting manipulation, specifically emotional manipulation.

https://old.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/x7btd6/w...

In this context it means the alt-right manosphere who 'woke up' to realise that there's no such thing as love, caring, a monogomous committed relationship; that women are conniving shallow cheaters, and that your goal as a 'real man' is to sleep with as many female-objects as possible, no matter what it takess. Your tools are deception, negging, (insincere) flattery, looksmaxing, etc. to present as a 'high-value Alpha male' without actually having to develop a personality or think about others or anything difficult. A book on slick talking influencing people sounds like it fits into that world.

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