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The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

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Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#751

Post by duderific »

tracker1 wrote: post #586
residentfoam wrote: post #106

I have been lucky enough to be able to work and live in several countries around the world. One thing in common I noticed in all these places is that guys and girls don't have time and don't want to commit to a stable long relation. They invest pretty much themselves and their time in their career, traveling , parties, dogs, cats and bitcoins :) ! The mantra is to get rich and retire at 40 years old! Travel the world…

Along a similar note... kids are for the young. When you're in your 20's it's MUCH easier to play with young kids and at least try to keep up as it is when you're in your 40's. There's also something to be said for averting hookup culture and actually trying to build a relationship as opposed to ejecting at the first sign of inconvenience. I say both of these things as a twice divorced 40-something that hasn't had ki…

FWIW I'm 50 and have an almost 5-year-old and almost 1-year-old. So far I'm keeping up with them OK.

I am a bit worried about having an 18 year old and being 68 though. We'll see how it goes.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#752

Post by turrican »

WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a career change away from tech about two years ago, which happens to be the same time I moved to Providence! If you want to grab a drink sometime in the next couple days and chat about parks and rec, let me know!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#753

Post by DisruptiveDave »

bob33212 wrote: post #660
DisruptiveDave wrote: post #566

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Got married at 38, first kid coming at 40. Had nothing to do with debts and all that other stuff; I chose to live out my wild years to full satisfaction and natural completion.

Full completion sounds sexual. Was that intentional?

Partially!

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#754

Post by somatic »

rubicon33 wrote: post #697
Mr_Shiba wrote: post #537

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lived for a couple of years in America and opted to return to my country for similar reasons as yours Industrialized nations mistake comfort and wealth for happiness

I find it so incredibly ironic that it was immigrants, fleeing countries utterly lacking in comfort, wealth, or happiness, in search of a better life for themselves and their children, that helped build the comfortable industrialized nation of the United States. It seems life - human existence - is cyclical and has amnesia. We forget too quickly what real discomfort is. Or at least, fail to strike a proper balance.

America was founded by pioneers.

Immigrants didn’t start coming for their “better life” until the mid-19th century.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#755

Post by Max_aaa »

s_k_ wrote: post #580
sakopov wrote: post #514

Man, the older I get the more I realize that life is always a balancing act. I immigrated from a 3rd world country (probably a 2nd world now) 20 years ago with my parents. Both of my parents were engineers and both were paid about once a year by their employer because nobody had any money. So we were broke and poor my entire childhood. And yet we always had friends visiting us. There were always celebrations. Seemed…

>We have everything we ever wanted and absolutely no happiness. I guess this is the difference between generations and why they struggle most of the time understanding each other. What older generation dreamed about and worked hard to get the younger generation takes for granted, and that is not necessarily something bad. I would argue that it's mostly good, because that's why people have ambitions/goals/dreams about…

Just like with everything in this universe, "Wants" tend to swing from one side to the other just like a pendulum.

The tricky part is trying to find the balance without overshooting, and restarting the cycle.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#756

Post by sdrn »

cwp wrote: post #677
WhompingWindows wrote: post #2

I felt loneliness acutely this week. I live alone, spend most evenings alone, and on top, work's coding and research has been slow for 2 weeks. Collaborators are at conferences and on vacation, so I had much less work and much less face-to-face contact than usual. Given that I code on my own, distribute analyses via email, and occasionally meet if people are around, I barely talked to people some days this week. Goin…

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

"Smoke crack with me bro"

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#757

Post by fencepost »

sk0g wrote: post #721
cwp wrote: post #677

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a bout of this about 20 years ago, so I made a rule for myself: I wasn't allowed to decline an invitation. If somebody proposed doing something together and I was able, I had to do it. That made a huge difference in my life. I did a lot of things that were... unexpected. (A few examples: I joined an ultimate frisbee league. I went skydiving. I joined a church group. I went to a strip club. I attended a wedding.…

As much as I'd like to follow the rule, I think I have an actual, varied social life now, and this would be... Risky. I've been invited to a violent sounding orgy of the many male, one female kind (always been a dream of the girl's, but I do have someone I'm seeing). In the last few months, also been invited to an open Satanic book reading sessions. Beginner friendly, I had been told.

It doesn't seem unreasonable to put a limit of "as long as it doesn't violate my ethics/morals or any criminal statutes."

"Hey, I need to dispose of [toxic waste¦a body¦evidence], can you help out?" "Sorry, have to wash my hair."

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#758

Post by aianus »

rayiner wrote: post #163
xenospn wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think having kids is scientifically proven to make you unhappy and greatly increase your stress levels. It’s no wonder people just put off having kids until they can, or pass on having them altogether.

It's very complicated. Having kids at home makes you less happy (because they're work). But men who have had kids are significantly happier than men who never had kids once the kids are out of the house: https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-having-children-make-people-... > By the time the 2016 survey rolled around, fathers were 40% more likely than childless men to see themselves as very happy. "Happiness" is also not th…

> only 6% of those wish they had not had kids

It's very socially unacceptable to admit you regret having had your kids. Even to an anonymous stranger conducting a phone poll.

I am much more inclined to believe studies that ask for self-reported happiness and compare to life events / states like childlessness without directly asking "do you regret your kids". From what I understand, having children is negatively correlated with happiness in those sorts of studies.

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#759

Post by soulofmischief »

nugget wrote: post #15

Whatever it is today, I fear the future will be much worse. The most devastating existential consequences of loneliness can take decades to manifest. You feel a little lonely in your day to day life now, but wake up twenty years from now and realize you're socially isolated with no meaningful relationships or community and it's "too late" to make up the lost time. Most dangerous of all may be that online social netwo…

Suicide rates have skyrocketed for middle-aged white men in the US. They are now the highest statistic. [0]

It's happening already.

• Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US.

• The age-adjusted suicide rate in 2017 was 14.0 per 100,000 individuals.

• In 2017, men died by suicide 3.54x more often than women.

• White males accounted for 69.67% of suicide deaths in 2017.

[0] https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/

Re: The decline of the family has unleashed an epidemic of loneliness

#760

Post by toyg »

paganel wrote: post #644

> Especially now that Uber has a STFU option I never understood why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride. I once was in a very rough spot in my life and talking with taxi-drivers almost daily about the most trivial stuff (weather, politics, traffic) used to give me a very healthy reprieve from the black thoughts I used to have.

> why people are so against talking to the people that give them a ride.

I'm an ethnic minority where I live, but I'm white. Do I want to be dragged into some racist conversation fuelled by Nigel Farage on talk-radio and by made-up stories in The Sun? Nope. Even if I did, would it change anything? Nope - a 20-min cab ride is not enough time to dispel all the crap accumulated over decades of disinformation.

If I had a STFU button for regular cabs, most of the time I would hit it hard. But there isn't one, so I put earphones up, send all the social signals I can think of that say "leave me alone", and tip well if they do exactly that.

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