711–720 of 779 posts
I have lurked here for a long time, but felt compelled to create an account to respond to comments in this thread because of how disappointed I was. This community is part of the problem. On a human level, how can you be so concerned that there's an outside chance that the accused is completely innocent, and at the same time, ignore the fact that in all likelihood, another human was exploited and raped? Yes, there is…
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> then the women need to be treated like children and protected. Mate, no. This applies to men, women, nonbinary folks, non-human animals, etc. Literally any living thing. If you don't consent, anyone having sex with you is wrong. It's wrong if a man tries to have sex with a drunk, non-consenting person, and it's wrong if a women tries to have sex with a drunk, non-consenting person. This is the _opposite_ of making…
By non-consenting do you mean says no or didn't say yes?
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I know it's probably not your intention, but you are shifting the blame from Jon to Yifan's parents. I hope this doesn't stay as the first comment in this thread.
It wasn't my intention nor do I believe that's what I'm doing. I'm simply using this event to highlight to other current and future parents like myself that we need to overcome our discomfort with discussing sex with our children so that we can provide them with tools should they ever find themselves in similar situations. I posit that her parents hadn't had those conversations, but I'm also not blaming them in any w…
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Nice stretch
"What if a bunch of cops who don't even know you got together and decided to ruin your life with accusations?" This just pretty much does not happen without reason, and I think it is safe to say that if it did, you are probably a terrible person.
Cops work together, therefor they collude...
If you are in high school, and all the girls are teenagers and are in school together, they also may collude..
I'm sorry, I do not see the same likelihood of collusion in this case of intelligent women who had no relation to each other.
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The guy was a predator, there was a clear pattern of sexual and emotional abuse.
In her story. A story that paints him as responsible for everything including her feelings. Blaming behaviors are a marker of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm obviously not qualified to diagnose either party, but a lot of the content of her article blames him for things he's not responsible for and that are completely out of his control. Furthermore, it seems the worst he's g…
Ya from an armchair this does seem like classic narcissistic abuse. Mentor public figure in a position of power. Blame and gaslight the victim when confronted. Then shame the victim when she comes forward with her story.
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If you are having sex and your partner isn't unambiguously interested, you need to ask yourself some questions. Also, people in stable relationships can have non consensual sex. It was legal to rape your wife until like the 90s in parts of the states.
People have agency. They're allowed to choose, of their own free will, to do things they aren't 100% on board with. That includes sex. Blowing your husband because it wastes less of your time then him trying to woo you or popping a Viagra because your wife is hitting the bong and you know what she's gonna want next aren't ideal but they're facts of some peoples lives. There's no way you can honestly allege those sort…
That said, there are many folks who aren't enthusiastic about the act itself, but have enthusiasm for the outcome. Many asexual folks I know, for instance, are enthusiastic that they can do something that makes their partners happy, even while not particularly enjoying the act. You are interpreting my definition in only the narrowest possible lens.
There is a lot about the sexual events in this post that, to me, highlights something I feel is important which is: we parents need to get better had having conversations with our children around sex. This girl was feeling uncomfortable and crying but at the same time "didn't think those behaviors were problematic". I can't help but wonder if her parents never sat her down and discussed situations like this and, I ge…
> we parents need to get better had having conversations with our children around sex. Exactly. The conclusion is simple, yet challenging to implement: don't have sex outside of marriage. For girls and women: don't have casual relationships with men. Problem solved.
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Convincing herself it was consensual after doesn't mean she consented during. What does consent mean to you? Not saying no? Or an enthusiastic yes?
Not saying no. I've had plenty of sex I wasn't super enthusiastic about but I wouldn't consider any of those exes rapists because I didn't say no. When you're in a relationship for years not all of the sex is super enthusiastic. There were times when I had sex because I didn't want to hurt their feelings or they traveled a distance to see me. And I'm sure there were times when my partner wasn't that in the mood and h…
An unconscious person can't say no, but no one would agree they are consenting. What about someone intoxicated or under the influence? What about someone who is scared? Where does "I'd rather not", or "If I have to" fit? (Both of those seem to imply not consenting to me.)
Whereas a yes provides an unambiguous signal.
> Personally outside of established relationships I always waited for the other person to make the first move because I was always so terrified of kissing someone who didn't want to kissed.
I've moved to asking, "Can I kiss you?" or "Can I hug you?" before making a move like that. Simple, brief, and once you have an answer you forget it was even asked.
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Okay, can you give an example of evidence that you would accept in this specific case?
Evidence of what? I re-read the article to try to figure out what this "specific case" actually might be. Two people engaged in a consensual physical relations. She was not happy with the outcome. At the time, she "did not blame him for what happened, and didn't think those behaviors were problematic at the time. ... I maintained friendship with him for a few months after May, because I was convinced that it was all…
You really came out of the woodwork to defend this guy and shame the accuser. Zero posts in months then a flurry here. Gross.
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> we parents need to get better had having conversations with our children around sex. Exactly. The conclusion is simple, yet challenging to implement: don't have sex outside of marriage. For girls and women: don't have casual relationships with men. Problem solved.
Marriage has nothing to do with it. It's just legal binding to unite the possessions and caretaking of the children. Abuse still happens, more often than not, in marriages, including rape. Unless you comment was sarcastic, your point is clearly proven wrong by and large.
Of course it does. Marriage means responsibilities and protects rights, and no one night stands. Just because abuse happens in some marriages does not mean that we should leave sexual relationships to happen adhoc. Limiting sexual relationships to contracts (marriage, not prostitution) is the solution that has worked forever basically. The widespread of STDs, not to mention children out of wedlock, not to mention the mental tolls that come out of easy relationships is already documented, and the society is paying the price.
The incident in very article you're replying to would have been avoided had there been no casual interaction with the man, let alone sleeping with him in the same room.
> your point is clearly proven wrong by and large.
Quite the contrary. We're already seeing the effects on conservative societies that have "westernized", and normalized sex outside of marriage. The effects have been catastrophic to say the least at every level: mental, societal, familial, health, financial. The society in its entirety is paying the toll.