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Start doing more things alone

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Start doing more things alone

#71

Post by droithomme »

ams6110 wrote: post #41
alashley wrote: post #17

I get the premise of the article, but not sure I entirely agree. A week or so ago I went to a live music show at a pub, I got up for a minute to go to the washroom, and when I came back someone was taking my chair from the table. Not such a good feeling. Stuff like this happens sometimes when people go to restaurants alone, I guess. Maybe the important thing is to do things alone if necessary, but try to form connect…

"dad's mother-in-law" ... odd way to say "my grandmother" ?

English is possibly the least expressive language in history regarding relationship terminology. It is very common for non-english speakers to prefer idioms that more carefully map what they are thinking of instead of the highly limited and simplistic possibilities of english.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#72

Post by lfowles »

bmelton wrote: post #63
meric wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know how to camp or maintain a fire. Would you still recommend it?

Not to be glib, but there's only one way to learn, really. Maintaining a fire isn't all that hard, and neither is pitching a tent, after you've done it once. That said, I would personally recommend camping your first time with others, even if just on a meetup group or something (there's probably one in your area if you look, and if there's not, you can start one), though it's not critical. Pitching a tent can be frus…

> As for starting a fire, take a piece of fire log and a lighter. Add small sticks and progressively larger ones. Read an article about it or two. It isn't that hard, though plenty of folks are opinionated about it -- like starting a fire with charcoals.

Or, use your bag of Doritos you brought along as a fire starter (More likely if car camping, but not all camping needs to be in the middle of nowhere. If you're located in the US, your local state park might be near empty outside of peak months.)

Re: Start doing more things alone

#73

Post by misiti3780 »

I go out in NYC alone all the time, on weekends, for fun - Mostly I do it because my friends are doctors and cant go out because they are on call - I wish I would have realized much sooner how much fun you can actually have - at a bar, alone on a Saturday night in NYC

I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer. I do a lot of other stuff alone also, such as eating a restaurants, walking, etc. Going out alone is the most fun because there is alcohol involved.

Moral of the story: You can still have fun, but if you have a girlfriend, wife, or good friends, it's definitely better than doing things alone (IMO)

Re: Start doing more things alone

#74

Post by misiti3780 »

rybosome wrote: post #43

Halfway into my fourth year in college, I developed a major funk that led to me failing several classes. My dad took me out to lunch one day for a "what are you doing with your life?" talk. He had been very strict about schoolwork and grades when I was younger (and throughout much of my college career), so I was expecting to be badgered and threatened with his vision of my bleak future if I didn't turn things around.…

this is a great story - and i hope some day if i have a kid i can do this for him also - i studied abroad (alone) by choice (not because of my grades and it was a wonderful experience that I would never trade for anything

Re: Start doing more things alone

#75

Post by misiti3780 »

throwaway1213 wrote: post #56
rybosome wrote: post #43

Halfway into my fourth year in college, I developed a major funk that led to me failing several classes. My dad took me out to lunch one day for a "what are you doing with your life?" talk. He had been very strict about schoolwork and grades when I was younger (and throughout much of my college career), so I was expecting to be badgered and threatened with his vision of my bleak future if I didn't turn things around.…

I've found myself in a similar situation, I think. I'd like to do some travelling but I find myself getting hung up on money and overall I just don't know what I would spend my time doing. What did you do once you arrived in a town or city? I really would love to have an idea of what one would do in a situation like that.

i guess it depends where you go - but you can travel on the cheap - make sure you stay in hostiles - youll meet lots of people that way

Re: Start doing more things alone

#76

Post by Maven911 »

misiti3780 wrote: post #73

I go out in NYC alone all the time, on weekends, for fun - Mostly I do it because my friends are doctors and cant go out because they are on call - I wish I would have realized much sooner how much fun you can actually have - at a bar, alone on a Saturday night in NYC I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer. I do a lot of o…

Ive done the same in NYC but never truly enjoyed any of those alone experiences

Re: Start doing more things alone

#77

Post by dopeboy »

misiti3780 wrote: post #73

I go out in NYC alone all the time, on weekends, for fun - Mostly I do it because my friends are doctors and cant go out because they are on call - I wish I would have realized much sooner how much fun you can actually have - at a bar, alone on a Saturday night in NYC I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer. I do a lot of o…

>> I think there is a stigma attached going out alone though - I have random people ask me if I am alone and seem surprised by the answer.

This is the hardest part to combat, especially at a bar when there's no attraction (say, a sports game) on. There is such an intense expectation for group social activity in nightlife that makes it very hard to go solo.

For this reason, I almost never have a good time going out to a bar by myself so I'm surprised you enjoy it. Theatres and restaurants, on the other hand, I have much better luck with.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#78

Post by dopeboy »

98Windows wrote: post #7

The downside is you have no one to recount the experience with later on, you might tell people about it but no one will ever understand what it was like unless they were there with you.

How's that a downside? Furthermore, why's it necessary for someone else to know about it? Doesn't it hold value even if you only experienced it?

Re: Start doing more things alone

#79

Post by white-flame »

idohealth wrote: post #58
pandler wrote: post #38

Interesting that this came up. Last weekend, I was at a coffee shop / bar type place with a friend and we got talking about body language. We started people watching and noticed two separate people in the place: both males, both alone. The first man, I decided, was waiting for someone and was very clearly uncomfortable with the idea that he was sitting alone in a public place. His right leg was shaking rapidly (my ri…

So the second guy was eating a meal, and the first guy was not, probably doing nothing until his guest arrived. There is your difference.

There are many times where you're left doing nothing, waiting for something to happen or somebody to arrive.

Enjoy the moment. Relax. Observe your surroundings. It's sad seeing people who cannot deal with lack of external stimulus, and the "difference" from the other patron in this situation shouldn't matter.

Re: Start doing more things alone

#80

Post by milhous »

A judicious combination of solitude and social interaction is key. I've long had to battle the problem of leaving social events early because it was just too easy to stick around until something was over, only then feeling guilty afterward because some of that time could've been better spent doing Math or working on a project/program. I like to do these things not because I'm a recluse, but that these activities are enriching, align with my goals, and just happen to be individual/solitary activities.

While it would be nice to travel (as others have done, which is great), go to beer/food festivals and concerts this summer, I'd rather be reviewing Vector Analysis, Linear Algebra, and Quantum Mechanics to get ready for the Fall semester so that I can be ready with the material in class. This isn't to be taken as an absolute. But for right now, it's the right thing to do, and to do anything to the contrary would be a poor use of my time and lead to more guilt and anxiety.

At 33 with many goals has made me realize that time management is essential, and not investing in those goals will result in repeated failure and frustration.

There's no shame in doing things alone and saying no to group activities. It's all about Opportunity cost and the scarcity of resources. That resource being time.

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