I love collecting these rants. For a long time, I've been convinced that various techniques may be fine and dandy, but the way we implement change in organizations sucks . Fair disclosure: 1) I teach/coach Agile/Lean/Kanban/Scrum, and 2) I couldn't care less about brand names and religious dogma. I'm a developer first. If it works, do it. Having said that, this author does not know what he is talking about. Apologies…
I think you're wrong. What you should realize that there are many enemies of productivity, and different for different people.
For instance, for me, having useless meetings (like standups or groomings) is mentally exhausting, and it kills a lot of motivation for the day.
I was most productive under well managed waterfall - where we had one longer status meeting each week, and instead of grooming interrupting work on the problem every week or so, we had time to think about the problem complexity at the beginning of the project.
In my view, the key to productivity in programming is focus. Whether you focus as a team or as a person doesn't matter. What is needed though is someone reliable who can shield you from all the distractions, and can do that without actually distracting you. In my experience with SCRUM, all the distractions are dumped onto developers (all of them in fact, via standup).
I am not against Agile development (in particular, just like author, I am not against iterative development or Agile manifesto), but the SCRUM I found rather silly. It's an attempt to do one-size fits all.
Not every feature requires exactly the number of people in the team. Not every feature requires one sprint of time. Some require less, some require more. If your work is managed correctly, you don't have worry about these arbitrary boundaries (which will always exist because time-boxing and standups, no matter how long the sprint or how big the team, are the key features of SCRUM).