Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Being alone

jessepollak.me

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 167 posts

Re: Being alone

#71

Post by nollidge »

jrs99 wrote: post #41
jskopek wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you disagree with the author? Depending on where you live, his point is very valid. As a resident of Canada, I feel that I live in a fairly progressive, culturally diverse society. Yet even here, I have heard friends of different ethnicities complain about racial issues. Not all racial or gender divisions are obvious; exclusion or denial of privilege is harder to spot.

Do you know what it feels like to be a 5'1" white male or a 7'2" obese white male or a 6'5" white female? Race problems do exist, but because you're white doesn't mean you don't have problems with society.

Nope, it doesn't, but does mean you don't have some particularly common ones!

Re: Being alone

#72

Post by mindslight »

cobrausn wrote: post #40
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

As a former Catholic, when I read lines like that I can't help but be struck with the observation that this seems to be a feminist/progressive version of confessing your sins in order to be absolved of them.

It's more of an original sin you can never be absolved of and are supposed to continually prostrate yourself for.

Of course there are people in situations for which the advice in this article is a non-starter. But does that preface actually specifically address them, or is it just a cargo-cult disclaimer to keep the responses from being derailed by feel-good plighties? And how should one feel if they are so "privileged" yet still cannot bring themselves to follow this advice?

Re: Being alone

#73

Post by shinratdr »

Stealth- wrote: post #42
shinratdr wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And all they had to do to get that was to be ripped from their homes and placed into residential schools, which existed into the 60s. What a sweet deal! This smacks of tremendous ignorance of the history of First Nations people and what white Canadians have done to them. It's possibly the most concrete demonstration of white privilege I've ever seen. "Well gee, I'm just a simple guy, but I don't think trying to balan…

Growing up in a poorer neighbourhood, the native friends I had were able to play football, have school lunches, go on fieldtrips, and go to university when I could not because they were paid for with tax payers' dollars. My grandparents were not even in this country at the time, it was not my ancestors nor me that hurt anyone. So I should have less because of what someone with the same skin colour as me did decades a…

> the native friends I had were able to play football, have school lunches, go on fieldtrips, and go to university when I could not because they were paid for with tax payers' dollars.

I don't know where you live but in Toronto with the exception of university tuition, all those things are provided for children that can't afford them regardless of their background. The concept of not letting a child go on a field trip or go hungry at lunch because they couldn't afford it is just insane to my ears.

> My grandparents were not even in this country at the time, it was not my ancestors nor me that hurt anyone.

Good thing this has little or nothing to do with punishing the descendants of those who may or may not have perpetrated injustice. It's about providing a leg-up to those that have been held down for decades. You had no such disadvantages so you don't receive the leg up.

> Doesn't that seem a little, I don't know, discriminatory?

Providing benefits to anyone while excluding anyone else is technically discrimination. That's doesn't make it bad. Not all things are equal. It's discrimination that students pay less than you to take the subway. Also discrimination, also not a bad thing.

Re: Being alone

#74

Post by phillmv »

tomp wrote: post #51
steveklabnik wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…

Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?

It's not that it doesn't apply, it's just not as straightforward.

As a white, cis, straight male (with a good job, I might add) there are few venues you aren't automatically welcome at and compatible with.

Flip any of those variables and "just get out there" is less applicable or harder. It's not like being a white male is a cheat code at life, but you spawn with a fuller inventory and a couple rings of +2 less bulshit.

Re: Being alone

#75

Post by spindritf »

tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

Oh, good. It's not just me.

> Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege

This is crazy, intellectually debilitating blabber. And just wrong on a blog[1].

We already allowed lawyers and CYA politicians to slap warning labels on everything (despite the fact that it's counter-productive[2]). Are we now going to put disclaimers on private blogs?

Or is it like a weird way to brag? "I'm not affected by any common affliction." (You forgot "able-bodied" BTW which is much more important that those other things.) Better yet, "I, being of sound mind and body do hereby publish this blogpost."

[1] http://www.overcomingbias.com/2008/06/against-disclai.html

[2] http://pss.sagepub.com/content/24/9/1842

Re: Being alone

#76

Post by king_jester »

cobrausn wrote: post #40
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

As a former Catholic, when I read lines like that I can't help but be struck with the observation that this seems to be a feminist/progressive version of confessing your sins in order to be absolved of them.

Its not confessing for absolution, its a disclaimer: I'm a white dude, I have certain advantages/privileges, YMMV.

Re: Being alone

#77

Post by theorique »

cobrausn wrote: post #40
tazjin wrote: post #6

Stopped reading after > Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege I wasn't actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is /r/TumblrInAction for things like this)

As a former Catholic, when I read lines like that I can't help but be struck with the observation that this seems to be a feminist/progressive version of confessing your sins in order to be absolved of them.

Nail on the head.

Since fewer people are religious and more people are cynically postmodern, different ideologies and beliefs (e.g. 'antiracism', 'social justice', 'Objectivism') creep in to fill the void which was formerly occupied by religion.

Re: Being alone

#78

Post by rcknight »

josefresco wrote: post #30
dkokelley wrote: post #27

I have a technique for when I'm alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It's not hard to spot them if you're looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness. This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.

"It's not hard to spot them if you're looking" This scares the shit out of the socially awkward or those the article is referring to. When entering a situation where I know almost no one, I always try to comfort myself by repeating things like "not everyone is looking at you" and "you are just like everyone else here". However often times I take your advice and seek out other seemingly alone people and you're right,…

Both of these statements can be true ... if you specifically look around for people who are by themselves, they are easy to spot ... but the majority of people are not looking!

Re: Being alone

#79

Post by britta »

tomp wrote: post #51
steveklabnik wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…

Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?

There are many potential examples, but I'll explain an example from my own experience. I'm a woman, and I've enjoyed tagging along with my male friend who is very friendly at conferences and similar events, talking to all kinds of strangers and having good conversations.

That looked like a fun skill to have, so I tried doing it on my own - introducing myself to other attendees, asking about their work and projects, etc. And I ran into a bunch of awkward situations where the person responded as if I were flirting with them (inevitably most of the people I talked to were men, since most of the people at those conferences were men). No, I actually just wanted to learn more about your company's business model.

I was copying my male friend's style of talking to other men, and I was interpreted differently. I've adjusted my approach now to reduce the chances of misunderstandings like that.

Re: Being alone

#80

Post by swombat »

tomp wrote: post #51
steveklabnik wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's actually directly relevant; they're acknowledging that when they say "if you're lonely, just get out there and say hello!" is an acceptable option partially because it really is true that at the worst, they'll feel uncomfortable. Someone who does not come from this place in life has a myriad of other things that can add to the downsides in this equation, and when you stack the two up against each other, they sta…

Could you explain a bit more, why exactly does this advice "just get out there" not apply to anyone who isn't either white, heterosexual, cis or male?

It's still sadly the case that in many parts of the world, if you're, say, gay, and you "get out there" and end up talking to the wrong person, they might gang up on you in the parking lot as you leave and beat the shit out of you.

It's fairly unlikely in a civilised surrounding, but civilisation is rarer than you think.

As a straight white male, your potential downside from getting into a chat with someone at a party does not include serious bodily harm. Most people are nice to you by default.

Another example: an outgoing, alone woman might be perceived as easy or sleazy by some Neanderthal-like person she talks to, and could end up with a lot of unwanted attention from saying hi to the wrong people. Again, unlikely, depends on the surroundings/crowd, but still.

As a white straight guy, going to a totally random party alone is a much safer proposition.

Post reply on HN