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I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

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Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#71

Post by dkarl »

ambiate wrote: post #14

Coming to a blog post, why most computer specialists relate to autism. It is very important to keep in mind there is a broad spectrum. Holding two strong relationships with a total of three children with Asperger's or high functioning autism (ages: 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) and a few here and there, it has really broadened my view on the subject. First, language is a barrier. Social awkwardness naturally follows that barrier.…

Another frequent side effect of Asperger's is the impulse to fix things and make sure everything runs smoothly. (I think this is not limited to Asperger's but is common to many people who are uncomfortable with emotion.) A frustrating aspect of Asperger's is that you don't feel the same emotions at the same times for the same reasons as other people. People ignore you or discount your feelings because the logic behind your emotions seems bizarre to them. And the disconnect goes both ways, of course, since people with Asperger's have a hard time understanding others' emotions and responding to them constructively. For many young Aspies it is a simple bedrock truth that whenever emotion and personal interaction mix, it's a clusterfuck, because engaging with other people emotionally ends in failure and trauma. So you keep your emotions inside, studiously avoid responding to others' emotions, and structure your interactions with other people around what you _are_ capable of doing right, which is fixing things that cause bad emotions in the first place.

In this way, having Asperger's is kind of like the opposite of being a drama queen. This is not to say that people with Asperger's are always emotionally appropriate or easy to get along with. What I mean is that some people love emotional chaos because they deal with emotion very well and always seem to come out on top in emotional confrontations. They relish the chance to stir up chaos because to them it's another chance to put their skills on display and come out ahead. Aspies are not like that at all; when they get into an uncomfortable confrontation, it's a mistake, and they don't enjoy it. People who deal poorly with emotion go around fixing things and (some) people who thrive on it go around breaking things. Sounds like a good reason to hire Aspies to me.

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#72

Post by justin66 »

swayvil wrote: post #42

I'm a sperg. I'm getting better. Meditation, vipassana. It uncramps your soul, unravels deep habits of attention, or something. It's miraculous. Anybody here relate?

When were you diagnosed with Asperger's? Was pursuing meditation a choice you made primarily due to the clinical diagnosis? (I'm just curious)

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#73

Post by Mz »

ambiate wrote: post #14

Coming to a blog post, why most computer specialists relate to autism. It is very important to keep in mind there is a broad spectrum. Holding two strong relationships with a total of three children with Asperger's or high functioning autism (ages: 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) and a few here and there, it has really broadened my view on the subject. First, language is a barrier. Social awkwardness naturally follows that barrier.…

As someone who is highly social and has two ASD sons, I just want to note that verbal communication (aka "language") takes two. It annoys the fool out of me when people fail to communicate with someone with some mild challenges and then just blame them for it. I always want to say "If you are so fucking socially adept, then surely you can bridge this small gap for the other person."

/rant

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#75

Post by ambiate »

dkarl wrote: post #71
ambiate wrote: post #14

Coming to a blog post, why most computer specialists relate to autism. It is very important to keep in mind there is a broad spectrum. Holding two strong relationships with a total of three children with Asperger's or high functioning autism (ages: 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) and a few here and there, it has really broadened my view on the subject. First, language is a barrier. Social awkwardness naturally follows that barrier.…

Another frequent side effect of Asperger's is the impulse to fix things and make sure everything runs smoothly. (I think this is not limited to Asperger's but is common to many people who are uncomfortable with emotion.) A frustrating aspect of Asperger's is that you don't feel the same emotions at the same times for the same reasons as other people. People ignore you or discount your feelings because the logic behin…

That is a very elegant way to describe one of my most non-human features. I have huge issues with saying "I'm sorry." My brain does not allow me to even consider it as an option. If I am truly sorry, I will masochistically introspect, learn, reiterate, and adjust the scenario until the feeling of saying, "I'm sorry", becomes a moot point due to my effort to correct the situation. Words are quite meaningless without action, but action does not seem meaningless without language.

I think 'normal' people do this too. They just have an easier time of convincing themselves of abstract concepts like love, remorse, etc. Looking at myself, I have very primal emotions and filters. There is much self-interest, but I through repetition I have learned to take others into account. This is due to 'others' being a crucial part of what I consider my identity. Without their language (body, verbal), which I cannot fully utilize/process, I could not exist.

I call it my absurd void philosophy. Given that I was placed in a void, stripped of light, sound, floating around aimlessly... I would lose my identity. Without others, there is no me. If I do not take others into consideration, they will not take me into consideration and I would lose my identity. This is the root cause of my social interactions other than habit.

How does this play in the workplace? I make mistakes, and I bust my arse to not let the behavior happen again. I utilize the experience to warn others of my shortcomings.

As a generous Southern man once said to me, "Jonathan, some people just want a Thank You letter as gratitude instead of an email or phone call." To which I replied, "gratitude, on any medium, is still gratitude, this is a difference of culture, but to disregard my sentiment is to deny my humanity, not just my culture."

I strive to be concrete and universal, because no one does it for me.

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#76

Post by ambiate »

Mz wrote: post #73
ambiate wrote: post #14

Coming to a blog post, why most computer specialists relate to autism. It is very important to keep in mind there is a broad spectrum. Holding two strong relationships with a total of three children with Asperger's or high functioning autism (ages: 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) and a few here and there, it has really broadened my view on the subject. First, language is a barrier. Social awkwardness naturally follows that barrier.…

As someone who is highly social and has two ASD sons, I just want to note that verbal communication (aka "language") takes two. It annoys the fool out of me when people fail to communicate with someone with some mild challenges and then just blame them for it. I always want to say "If you are so fucking socially adept, then surely you can bridge this small gap for the other person." /rant

The 12 year old I mentioned, always misused pronouns. Teachers, friends, and coworkers always approached him differently once he let out this trait. It became a worry/burden of curiosity to understand why this teenager would use incorrect pronouns. All the time, thought, and effort wasted on attempting to correct, blame, and criticize just because of "Me/We" instead of "I". What a waste. The teachers, friends and coworkers were all naturally abstract, but when something falls outside of the model of normal, then the child is breaking a concrete law that must be corrected immediately. Until then, no discourse cannot continue past the misuse of pronouns. They knew what the child was trying to communicate. /rant

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#77

Post by Mz »

ambiate wrote: post #76
Mz wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone who is highly social and has two ASD sons, I just want to note that verbal communication (aka "language") takes two. It annoys the fool out of me when people fail to communicate with someone with some mild challenges and then just blame them for it. I always want to say "If you are so fucking socially adept, then surely you can bridge this small gap for the other person." /rant

The 12 year old I mentioned, always misused pronouns. Teachers, friends, and coworkers always approached him differently once he let out this trait. It became a worry/burden of curiosity to understand why this teenager would use incorrect pronouns. All the time, thought, and effort wasted on attempting to correct, blame, and criticize just because of "Me/We" instead of "I". What a waste. The teachers, friends and cow…

My sons often note that most people touting their "social skills" are not social like me. They are social in a competitive "Mean Girls" kind of way. The point is pecking order, not connection. A lot of that crap just royally pisses me off so much.

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#78

Post by fyi80 »

ambiate wrote: post #14

Coming to a blog post, why most computer specialists relate to autism. It is very important to keep in mind there is a broad spectrum. Holding two strong relationships with a total of three children with Asperger's or high functioning autism (ages: 3-6, 7-9, 10-12) and a few here and there, it has really broadened my view on the subject. First, language is a barrier. Social awkwardness naturally follows that barrier.…

"the rules define them as an adult. "

Define them, or guide them?

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#79

Post by fyi80 »

ambiate wrote: post #75
dkarl wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another frequent side effect of Asperger's is the impulse to fix things and make sure everything runs smoothly. (I think this is not limited to Asperger's but is common to many people who are uncomfortable with emotion.) A frustrating aspect of Asperger's is that you don't feel the same emotions at the same times for the same reasons as other people. People ignore you or discount your feelings because the logic behin…

That is a very elegant way to describe one of my most non-human features. I have huge issues with saying "I'm sorry." My brain does not allow me to even consider it as an option. If I am truly sorry, I will masochistically introspect, learn, reiterate, and adjust the scenario until the feeling of saying, "I'm sorry", becomes a moot point due to my effort to correct the situation. Words are quite meaningless without a…

> "gratitude, on any medium, is still gratitude, this is a difference of culture, but to disregard my sentiment is to deny my humanity, not just my culture."

And some people prefer to be compensated in dollars, not bitcoins.

Giving is about giving something that the recipient will enjoy, not about what the giver wants. Gratitude is such a gift.

Re: I hired someone with Asperger's – now what?

#80

Post by fyi80 »

hjay wrote: post #70

Reading this post makes me wonder if I have Asperger's...it pretty much described me to a tee. Extremely uncomfortable in crowds/parties (actually, I pretty much refuse to attend parties at all), always looking at something else when speaking to someone 1 on 1, "rambling" when describing something or telling a story when someone else would only take 1~2 sentences, speaking my mind and a tendency to avoid small talk,…

If you are self-aware of these things and able to make an effort to change or work-around them when they give you trouble, you are extremely high-functioning.

I can rattle off a list of problems that short people have (trouble reaching things, inability to chase down a bus, etc), and realize that I am short, so I have to make extra effort in some parts of life to cope with that. (And in some areas of life my particular height is an advantage.)

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