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Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

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Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#71

Post by anonymous »

tferris wrote: post #63
jdietrich wrote: post #43

How about we all just chill the fuck out? Stop worrying about whether you've left it too late to be the next Zuckerberg. Stop worrying about whether you've sacrificed your future happiness on the temple of Mammon. Just live your damned life, one day at a time. If you think that everything is going fine, you're probably right; If you think that things are all fucked up, you're also probably right. Stop letting doucheb…

> How about we all just chill the fuck out? That's no option. At least for men. Men are restless hunters and highly competitive creatures. Men thrive when taking risks, when being in a fight and when they finally won and dominate their peers. As sad it sounds this is what we need and make us happy. We can have breaks from time to time like working as dull office drones avoiding any risks and watching Youporn before b…

Posts like yours make me want to cut off my penis and write "Eunuch" under "Sex" on my ID. But I won't, because the government won't let me first, and because I'm more of a chill kind of person, second.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#72

Post by beaner »

tferris wrote: post #59
[deleted] wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[deleted]

> Silicon Valley is filled with rich startup guys who can't get a date. You didn't get the point, it's not about being rich. It's about having a life and having achieved something, you don't need to be necessarily rich, you need self-confidence to approach women. You can train self-confidence and fake it until you make it with tons of PUA books and resources BUT building self-confidence by starting something is much…

I disagree. I have had success in tech twice. Trying to talk about it usually bores my dates. I could talk about it all day with someone who was interested, but for some strange reason the topics of web development and working from home simply don't tantalize them. It's given me zero boost to confidence in dating.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#73

Post by jacquesc »

Responding to: "deathbed wishes rarely include, 'If only I had put another twenty hours a week in at the office! That slightly cleaner product release would have made all the difference.'"

Not that it matters all that much, but I honestly believe deathbed wishes often include "I wish I had more of an impact on the world". You can get that through relationships (by procreating), or you can get that through building stuff. Or a combination of both.

Trying to trivialize the hard work people do to release products is like trivializing the time people spend at the gym or the salon, attempting to stay attractive in order to establish better relationships.

It's a small part of something larger. Trying to change the world by building stuff is not something to be ashamed of.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#74

Post by Crake »

brianwillis wrote: post #53

This is pretty personal stuff to say using an account that's tied to my real name, but hey, we're all friends here now, so why not. I'm in the target demographic for this post (I turn 29 on Tuesday), and I'm seriously considering making a conscious decision to be permanently single. I understand that people find a lot of happiness in relationships, but I just don't think I'm capable of making room in my life for anot…

I actually relate rather strongly to your post...I've eventually come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to stay single. I feel that sometimes people put too much emphasis on sex and relationships as a mandatory part of a successful life.

Girlfriends take up a LOT of time. If you find someone who's a perfect match, then go for it. But scooping out valuable time in your life for a relationship that's merely ho-hum probably isn't worth it. For people who are very smart, like a good portion of the tech crowd, the relative stupidity of the general population eliminates a good portion of women, too, which certainly exacerbates the situation.

Mathematically speaking, I know the chances of me finding a long term significant other are very small. My last girlfriend was an electrical engineer, and she moved to the midwest from the east coast. It was great while it lasted, but she was literally the only attractive smart and technical person I've ever met in this area who was interested in people like me. Whenever I see my friends with their girlfriends, it always makes me feel a bit lonely. I know that logically speaking, it's not something I can or should have, since I don't think I'd make a very good significant other (for some difficult personal reasons). But it's still something that bothers me at night.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#75

Post by tferris »

anonymous wrote: post #71
tferris wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> How about we all just chill the fuck out? That's no option. At least for men. Men are restless hunters and highly competitive creatures. Men thrive when taking risks, when being in a fight and when they finally won and dominate their peers. As sad it sounds this is what we need and make us happy. We can have breaks from time to time like working as dull office drones avoiding any risks and watching Youporn before b…

Posts like yours make me want to cut off my penis and write "Eunuch" under "Sex" on my ID. But I won't, because the government won't let me first, and because I'm more of a chill kind of person, second.

> make me want to cut off my penis and write "Eunuch" under "Sex" on my ID.

Just getting your testicles removed would do the job too -- but seriously, please get some advice before doing anything.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#76

Post by beaner »

skore wrote: post #69
Claudus wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have done these things for myself.

That seems to be contradictory: > Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in;

No reason it can't be both.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#77

Post by tferris »

beaner wrote: post #72
tferris wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Silicon Valley is filled with rich startup guys who can't get a date. You didn't get the point, it's not about being rich. It's about having a life and having achieved something, you don't need to be necessarily rich, you need self-confidence to approach women. You can train self-confidence and fake it until you make it with tons of PUA books and resources BUT building self-confidence by starting something is much…

I disagree. I have had success in tech twice. Trying to talk about it usually bores my dates. I could talk about it all day with someone who was interested, but for some strange reason the topics of web development and working from home simply don't tantalize them. It's given me zero boost to confidence in dating.

Very good point and I forgot to write it. You are totally right women usually won't get it when you talk about let's say business related achievements because they are often not interested and don't get it AND MUCH MORE IMPORTANT: because you are qualifying in that moment: you send the signal 'hey look, I am doing impressive stuff, I am special, please like me' which makes you again needy and unattractive -- now we are knee deep in PUA stuff -- that's too obvious and women aren't stupid, you have to learn how you transform the energy you got by your achievements into your general self-confidence. Telling that you are an entrepreneur who makes tons of money is the wrong way. You will signal this automatically without telling anything about your startup life. When I peaked in my professional life I told that I am a "grocery bagger" and I converted 100% to the next step while converting 0% when I told the truth.

Then, when closed and in later stages your startup life gets more relevant since it shows that do stuff that matters and it helps transforming an one-night-affair into a relationship.

Guys, if you haven't done this before, now is the time, get PUA stuff and learn this like you'd learn Go or C++.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#78

Post by JanezStupar »

tommi wrote: post #33
Claudus wrote: post #16

I've pursued many women in my life, and failed. I'm not especially tall, good looking, or rich, but I am smart, somewhat charismatic, and have a solid character. Everything I've done in my adult life has been motivated by my desire to be attractive to women that I'm interested in; studying hard to get good grades, going to grad school, pursuing good employment, developing my personal and social skills, working out, e…

Yes.

Theres a tune from one of my favorite bands that in rough translation goes something like this:

I am beyond the used up cliche, that you are only supposed to write about the one who is special. Not even a single tune, not even a single rhime for the millions of the wrong ones, who were here with me, when I didn't have Her.

Believe me, they weren't dumb. Each of them knew - when there is not a Big love. A little one will do.

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#79

Post by atarian »

richardjordan wrote: post #19
atarian wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is your relationship authentic if you're forcing to put yourself in one before you hit 30?

I don't think that is what the OP's saying at all. I think the point is that shutting yourself in to work on code 24/7 startup after startup for year after year (which is very easy to do in Silicon Valley - you look up and five years went by) is going to limit you at a time when the most important skills you need for your long term happiness are being learned.

I know that's what the OP meant and I agree with what she's saying. I was just translating what http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5273223 was saying to http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5273250

Re: Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters

#80

Post by tomp »

tferris wrote: post #63
jdietrich wrote: post #43

How about we all just chill the fuck out? Stop worrying about whether you've left it too late to be the next Zuckerberg. Stop worrying about whether you've sacrificed your future happiness on the temple of Mammon. Just live your damned life, one day at a time. If you think that everything is going fine, you're probably right; If you think that things are all fucked up, you're also probably right. Stop letting doucheb…

> How about we all just chill the fuck out? That's no option. At least for men. Men are restless hunters and highly competitive creatures. Men thrive when taking risks, when being in a fight and when they finally won and dominate their peers. As sad it sounds this is what we need and make us happy. We can have breaks from time to time like working as dull office drones avoiding any risks and watching Youporn before b…

You're wrong. Don't generalize. I'm a man. I'm restless sometimes, but I also need time for myself, to chill (the fuck) out. I'm also completely non-competitive - I've excelled in most things in my life by shear luck (and good genes), so I know success and I know that it doesn't mean much. I don't compare myself with others, the only person I compete with is myself, and it's not because I have a bad self-esteem and want to constantly improve myself, but because otherwise, life is boring.
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