There's a huge difference between 7 hours of straight sleep which your body decides when to wake up from, and 7 hours of fragmented sleep which is constantly interrupted at the worst possible time. Every single night.
Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
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Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#72It's not the actual sleep. It's that parenting is exhausting. I could do physical labor for hours. Code straight for hours. But when I have to look after the 2 kids for 3 hours solo I'm totally exhausted. And I don't mean sit them in front of a TV - but actually try and feed them, change diapers, clean up after their messes, keep them entertained... Weekends are suddenly way more exhausting than weekdays. And then th…
>but I'm not sure what the alternative should be. A village where trusted neighbors and family members and a chain of kids in increasing ages can help look after each other.
Unfortunately, can't have that in a society that requires workers be mobile to chase wherever the next gig job appears. Can't form trust bonds with neighbors when you gotta move every few years.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#73It's not the actual sleep. It's that parenting is exhausting. I could do physical labor for hours. Code straight for hours. But when I have to look after the 2 kids for 3 hours solo I'm totally exhausted. And I don't mean sit them in front of a TV - but actually try and feed them, change diapers, clean up after their messes, keep them entertained... Weekends are suddenly way more exhausting than weekdays. And then th…
You got two 'village' responses which I fully disagree with because a dozen reasons. The village is not going to help you change diapers, feed the children, or do anything except have the children play together. I do not find parenting that difficult because I parent differently. The alternative: Teach them to entertain themselves. They clean up their own messes. I have the kiddos do tasks with me. Babies are easy en…
Some villages absolutely help change diapers in 2026.
It's not in the cards for everyone.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#74It's not the actual sleep. It's that parenting is exhausting. I could do physical labor for hours. Code straight for hours. But when I have to look after the 2 kids for 3 hours solo I'm totally exhausted. And I don't mean sit them in front of a TV - but actually try and feed them, change diapers, clean up after their messes, keep them entertained... Weekends are suddenly way more exhausting than weekdays. And then th…
You got two 'village' responses which I fully disagree with because a dozen reasons. The village is not going to help you change diapers, feed the children, or do anything except have the children play together. I do not find parenting that difficult because I parent differently. The alternative: Teach them to entertain themselves. They clean up their own messes. I have the kiddos do tasks with me. Babies are easy en…
I think it’s worth considering that these things are not binary and we’re all different in goals and approaches.
Personally, we ended up living where my wife grew up and about an half hour from my fold, and were really social in the community. For my kids, that meant lots of cousins for the kids and a pretty rich social life for us. Lots of little league and community events. Folks didn’t change the diapers, but they had our backs in a thousand ways.
My sister and her husband live in a mega city a few hundred miles away. They are doing great, but they are doing it on their own. I think it’s harder on their kids in some ways, but they are doing fine.
IMO, “the village” is a better way to live and brings a lot to the table. But there’s no one answer.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#75It's not the actual sleep. It's that parenting is exhausting. I could do physical labor for hours. Code straight for hours. But when I have to look after the 2 kids for 3 hours solo I'm totally exhausted. And I don't mean sit them in front of a TV - but actually try and feed them, change diapers, clean up after their messes, keep them entertained... Weekends are suddenly way more exhausting than weekdays. And then th…
I feel your pain. Parenting is exhausting, especially the first two years or so. Hang in there, it gets a lot better. Lowering standards also helps (Does the house really need to be that clean? Does the toddler need a bath every day?)
The strange thing is the infant years seem tiring in a different and more tolerable way than when they are interactive and running all over the place.
The babies being potatoes phase if visiting my life again would benefit from transferable skills that you simply don't have as the first time parent.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#76I didn’t see ages mentioned, but in the past, parents were probably 16-22 while today’s parents could be as old as 40+. The pieces work way better at those earlier ages, and aside from nutrition the ancient times let to more physically fit individuals. Hell, the average age of parents today might be the average lifespan of people back then.
Mothers in the ancient past started at age 16-22 (note that fathers' ages at first child were extremely variable depending on the ancient culture in question) but then kept going giving birth every few years until age 40+. (Or until they died from childbirth complications, famine, disease, etc.) Please take a look at the very thorough demographic analysis of the ancient peasant class at https://acoup.blog/2025/08/08/…
They didnt have to deal with negligence laws. Modern parents probably spend most of their time eliminating small tail end risk. Kids need way less supervision if you're not trying to six sigma survival rates.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#77Earlier quoted context omitted.
According to the article: "It's not that modern parents are waking up more often. Work by Samson and others has found that people in hunter-gatherer societies usually wake more frequently through the night than we do." But I think there's a difference between waking up at night because your baby is crying, calming them down, going back to sleep, etc etc. when you have a 9-to-5 job, versus if you're a hunter-gatherer.
I spend a lot of time in the rural Philippines and I notice that locals out here don't sleep that well and it doesn't seem to bother them. They get up extremely early with the sun, roosters are crowing even before that, cats are fighting randomly through the night, storms kick up many nights in the area through the year, and then they sometimes stay up late singing karaoke, though most of the time they are in bed ear…
> In compensation I noticed they nap frequently in the day time, often in the hottest part of the day when it's unpleasant to work.
Yeah, a common thing in the Mediterranean as well. But unfortunately, capitalism does NOT like downtimes during "productive" daytime.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#78There's a huge difference between 7 hours of straight sleep which your body decides when to wake up from, and 7 hours of fragmented sleep which is constantly interrupted at the worst possible time. Every single night.
One secret that seems worth trying for everyone is to go to sleep at 9 PM and wake up at 3-4 AM.
Get a few hours before anyone wakes up, and the best uninterrupted sleep for the most part, and the sleep before midnight has a magnified and compounding effect.
Also early morning is at least 2x as effective energy and clarity wise as late nights.
Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#79It's not the actual sleep. It's that parenting is exhausting. I could do physical labor for hours. Code straight for hours. But when I have to look after the 2 kids for 3 hours solo I'm totally exhausted. And I don't mean sit them in front of a TV - but actually try and feed them, change diapers, clean up after their messes, keep them entertained... Weekends are suddenly way more exhausting than weekdays. And then th…
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Re: Why modern parents feel more sleep deprived than our ancestors did
#80Earlier quoted context omitted.
Maybe counterintuitive, but I've found that having more kids actually makes some things easier. With 4+ children, the kids almost never come to us for entertainment. They form their own little society and find tons of ways to play and interact with each other. The little ones are just as likely to ask one of their older siblings to read them a story as they are to ask a parent, for example. Sure, things like laundry…
Isn’t that just parentifying one or more of your children and passing it off as a solution because it’s easier for you?
Yes that is how families functions, older take care of the younger to balance the load. The parent isnt a slave, everyone helps out once they're able.