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How to stop being boring

joanwestenberg.com

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Re: How to stop being boring

#71

Post by pibaker »

I have to say that nothing (besides an AI generated header image) screams "I am going to say something boring and unremarkable" more than sticking an unsplash stock image completely unrelated to the article content on the top of the page. Want your website to be memorable? Be like a certain other website that was submitted to HN recently and put a video of your homebrew surgery on the front page, I will remember that one for a long time for sure.

I jest, but honestly, this article isn't that interesting. It seems to be a rehash of the entire individualizing 21c ethos of "be authentic! Be yourself!" (Just don't question why do all those authentic people all end up listening to punk music, drink IPAs, ride fixies and take photos on film cameras.) I find this view disturbingly narcissistic and, frankly, insulting to those of us who changed ourselves in the presence of others because we want to and like it. I would not be listening to country which I previously considered boring if I never dated a person who does. Am I a lesser person now because I have caved to social pressure or whatever?

It is also rather amusing that the examples of "polarizing" figures are a cookbook author and one of the less remembered figures or new atheism. Try telling others you like Richard Dawkins (whose polarizing views are precisely why he is still a prominent public figure.) Try telling others you enjoy Kid Rock (who I consider, at best, a boring musician propped up purely by ideological reasons.)

Re: How to stop being boring

#73

Post by PaulHoule »

projektfu wrote: post #65
zug_zug wrote: post #16

I'd lump this in with so much other inspirational advice (e.g. "Dance like nobody is watching! Love like you've never been hurt!") that is well-intended but hugely impractical. I think there are finely-tuned social algorithms that we innately follow. For example when meeting somebody we often perform the progressive self-disclosure algorithm in an attempt to find mutual talking points, so maybe yeah you say that you'…

People say things like this but I remember a time when there was a lot more "acceptable" eccentricity. I'm only in my late 40s so it wasn't too long ago. The article misses the other half of being interesting: being interested. If you're not able to find your counterpart interesting, they'll find you boring.

The proliferation of identities and labels like "neurodivergent" is part of the problem and not part of the solution.

I never got diagnosed as a schizotype in school but they tried really hard to accommodate me anyway. Today I would be misdiagnosed as ADHD or autistic. Today there is a two-class system in school between people who have a diagnosis who can get little accommodations like another two minutes to use the bathroom and people without a diagnosis who have to ride on the back of the bus.

Re: How to stop being boring

#74

Post by the__alchemist »

morissette wrote: post #32

TLDR, go to therapy; you are a people pleaser. Sadly, it’s a societal issue as we are told to be X or Y. Boys wear blue and hang with the fellas. Girls wear pink and have tea with the ladies. Go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, die. No one is ever like climb Everest, surf in Indonesia, backpack Europe, get lost in the wilderness.

I am pretty sure backpacking, surfing, scuba, free diving, rock climbing etc are what everyone does to try to be interesting.

Re: How to stop being boring

#75

Post by ForceBru »

deepriverfish wrote: post #3

what's wrong with being boring?

"Boring" is the opposite of "interesting" (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/boring). "Interesting" is new, attractive, good. "Boring" is old news, unattractive, bad. Not exactly "bad", as in "I actively dislike this", of course.

Thus, being boring is not good.

Re: How to stop being boring

#76

Post by verall »

CuriouslyC wrote: post #46
raw_anon_1111 wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and just talk to whoever shows up. The easy opener once the conversation starts is “what keeps you busy?” and keep the conversation going. This lets them talk about work, family, hobbies or whatever else they like to talk about I read a book that said you should try…

> There is no way for a 50 year old married guy to talk to a woman alone at the bar without coming off like a creep. Not true. You have to engage in a way that signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers. For example, if you're having a conversation with your bartender friend and you need a female perspective to settle a disagreement, and…

> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers

he said "_without_ coming off like a creep"

Re: How to stop being boring

#77

Post by CuriouslyC »

verall wrote: post #76
CuriouslyC wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There is no way for a 50 year old married guy to talk to a woman alone at the bar without coming off like a creep. Not true. You have to engage in a way that signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers. For example, if you're having a conversation with your bartender friend and you need a female perspective to settle a disagreement, and…

> signals very clearly you don't really give much of a shit about talking to her, and your social status is higher than hers he said "_without_ coming off like a creep"

Maybe if you do it very very wrong. I suppose you're imagining some swaggering jerk putting her down and acting self important, that's your mistake.

Re: How to stop being boring

#78

Post by Tade0 »

dbspin wrote: post #53
Tade0 wrote: post #31

> They're saying what they actually think and wearing what they actually like, pursuing hobbies that genuinely fascinate them, regardless of whether those hobbies are cool. Joke's on you, OP - even being like that you'll still find people who think you're boring because it's subjective. Truth is, once youth passes, over time people become increasingly disinterested in others. This effect was exacerbated by the recent…

> Truth is, once youth passes, over time people become increasingly disinterested in others. I find almost exactly the opposite is true. As you age your perceived value lessens, while you find the nuances of human behaviour ever more fascinating. Meanwhile many of the current cohort of twenty somethings seem disinterested in everything, including one another.

I would extend that to thirty somethings, so my generation as well.

Over time most of the people this age in my extended social circle kind of... faded. I don't know what caused this but I find myself increasingly socialising with younger people because they still haven't retreated to the comfort of their "me time" activities.

Re: How to stop being boring

#79

Post by marcd35 »

v17 wrote: post #64
raw_anon_1111 wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I live above a bar frequented by tourists and the bartender is a friend of mine. When it isn’t busy, I’ll usually go down there order a soda and just talk to whoever shows up. The easy opener once the conversation starts is “what keeps you busy?” and keep the conversation going. This lets them talk about work, family, hobbies or whatever else they like to talk about I read a book that said you should try…

> I read a book that said you should try something new to you at least every quarter if not more often. It gives you something to talk about. Any chance you remember the name?

not OP and not sure of the book but if you're interested in material like this, check out Derek Sivers' work - usually revolves around stepping outside your comfort zone, exploring new ideas, etc.

https://sive.rs/n

Re: How to stop being boring

#80

Post by Tade0 »

morissette wrote: post #34
Tade0 wrote: post #31

> They're saying what they actually think and wearing what they actually like, pursuing hobbies that genuinely fascinate them, regardless of whether those hobbies are cool. Joke's on you, OP - even being like that you'll still find people who think you're boring because it's subjective. Truth is, once youth passes, over time people become increasingly disinterested in others. This effect was exacerbated by the recent…

“Ugh people” - see I found my people! You don’t happen to be in Philly?

No, but you're already the second person to ask this, meaning I now have to see this place.

I'm not American, but I was meaning to visit Altoona, PA as, according to one person living there, it was "the most average town in US". Unfortunately Luigi Mangione put it on the map, so it most certainly lost that title by now.

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