71–80 of 83 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
it's dysgenic to enable reproduction through welfare. Better to create an economy where young people can start families off of their own labor.
The party in power is doing neither so
Being a parent gets harder the older you are, not just becoming a parent which is where the focus tends to be. Yes you have fewer financial resources and less life experience, but if you want kids the best time is as soon as you can. Kids don't care about how rich you are (so long as needs are met - those concerns come later and enough will never be enough for a teenager) and they don't know that we're all making it…
Means your parents are 50 and have their jobs and not able to help even if they want (which not always the case).
Means woman has no career and cannot really progress, she basically sacrifices a career growth for her children.
I feel we should have children as early as possible between 18 and 30, but we should also stay together with our parents. Grandparents can raise their grandchildren. They would do a better job. The problem is now everyone wants to go on their own, separate from the community, then call modern life difficult.
Also not many grandparents are willing to raise little kids as it is physically hard.
I have super-bad genetics. Not so bad that I have an entirely terrible life, but bad enough that I wouldn't wish them on a child. I know they would hate me, since I am aware of how bad my genetics are. People who have children think having children is the right choice, generally. They have to, to find meaning in all of the work of having and raising a child. That's understandable. But it is by no means the right choi…
It is completely wild to me that we have apparently reached a stage where eugenics is such an accepted ideology that people will apply it to themselves . This is disgusting. You deserve to live, and I'm sorry for whatever experiences made you think you shouldn't.
> Did we choose the age at which we would have children? What does it mean to choose? we planned to have a kid by our early thirties. she specifically wanted one by 30. we were both healthy, financially stable with solid careers. then came multiple miscarriages, 10 years of background/foreground stress, and IVF. now we finally have two healthy ones. i think daily about those 10 years we've lost to spend with our kids…
But there are very much worse times. Clearly.
However, the adage with marriage applies with kids too: Marriage is not a capstone, its a cornerstone. You build a life together.
The same is sorta true with kids.
While I understand and empathize with what this article is getting at ("If you intend to have children, but you don’t intend to have them just yet, you are not banking extra years as a person who is still too young to have children. You are subtracting years from the time you will share the world with your children."), I strongly disagree. I think people should have kids when they are ready. Make an assessment to the…
Ready? When is anyone ready? My wife (of 18 months) and I just decided to have a baby. It never occured to us we weren't ready. In the 9 months we decided we needed to live somewhere with another room for the baby and moved in with 3 months to go. We had next to nothing prepared, but do you know what, it didn't matter. Babies demands are, at first very simple, food and sleep. We just handled the rest as we went along…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Out of curiosity, what kind of physical shape are you in? I’m nearing 40 and have wanted kids my entire life, but similarly, haven’t found the right partner. If I ever felt I was too old to have kids I’d probably have no choice but to kill myself. But I’m also in excellent physical shape and feel no physically different than I did in my 20s (other than being stronger and more coordinated now).
I have health issues so there is that. I think most 40 yo if they go to the gym on a good routine can have the energy. Add in a reasonable job (not an AI startup with a hammock in the kitchen). But 40 you are rolling the dice. 40+ you can die from things and it is not unheard of. It is quite old in a way. You can also have issues unexpectedly that depleat capacity. Just reread your comment. Don't kill yourself!!! Hel…
Only if you have a time machine
Ain't no more cubes at big tech companies, it's all open office
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Ready? When is anyone ready? My wife (of 18 months) and I just decided to have a baby. It never occured to us we weren't ready. In the 9 months we decided we needed to live somewhere with another room for the baby and moved in with 3 months to go. We had next to nothing prepared, but do you know what, it didn't matter. Babies demands are, at first very simple, food and sleep. We just handled the rest as we went along…
To some degree, you can't be 'ready' to have kids. They are a nuke that explodes in your life. You're totally different after having a kid. You're always 'on stage', listening, watching, being there for your kid. You can't just check out and 'do it tomorrow' when it comes to the kid (laundry, sure though). And telling people that don't have kids what it is like just ends up as a list of complaints and misses all the…
I have super-bad genetics. Not so bad that I have an entirely terrible life, but bad enough that I wouldn't wish them on a child. I know they would hate me, since I am aware of how bad my genetics are. People who have children think having children is the right choice, generally. They have to, to find meaning in all of the work of having and raising a child. That's understandable. But it is by no means the right choi…
I don't think it's possible to raise children without them developing some resentment. To be a parent is to be a dictator. It's very difficult to be a perfect dictator especially when every kid is an individual; your kid is only vaguely similar to you but not the same and thus may have totally different ideas about living life (and eventually, parenting).
It's more about making sure you keep the relationship intact when they inevitably lash out and have the "ugh you did everything wrong" confrontation (which could last years). It takes unyielding love and endless forgiveness. I think the parent-child relationships that fall apart are those where the parent thinks of the child as their friend. Your kid is your kid, not your friend. You would never forgive a friend if they hurt you even 10% as much as your kid will hurt you. But your kid also loves you in a way that a friend never can, that's the difference. And vice versa for the kid to the parent. You just have to leave a much wider berth than you would for anyone who isn't immediate family. Cutting off is never the right answer except in cases of extreme abuse.