> a convenient shorthand for the bit that I put in angle brackets above.
Yes, but the "convenient shorthand" only makes sense if you already know what a tensor is. That renders the "definition" useless as an explanation or as pedagogy. It's only useful as a social signal to let others know that you understand what a tensor is (or at least you think you do).
> My favourite explanation is that "Tensors are the facts of the universe"
That's not much better. "The earth revolves around the sun" is a fact of the universe, but that doesn't help me understand what a tensor is.
What matters about tensors are the properties that distinguish them from other mathematical objects, and in particular, what distinguishes them from closely related mathematical objects like vectors and arrays. Finding a cogent description of that on the internet is nearly impossible.
> the reality of the tensor ... is independent of the coordinate system chosen by the observer
Now you're getting closer, but this still misses the mark. What is "the reality of a tensor"? Tensors are mathematical objects. They don't have "reality" any more than numbers do.
> no matter how you choose your coordinates, the bases of the tensor will transform such that it "means" the same thing in your new coordinates as it did in the old ones
That is closer still. But I would go with something more like: tensors are a way to represent vectors so that the representation of a given vector is the same no matter what basis (or coordinate system) you choose for your vector space.