Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

The year I didn't survive

bessstillman.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 276 posts

Re: The year I didn't survive

#71

Post by l5870uoo9y »

“A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy” by William Irvine has an entire chapter dedicated to letting go of past trauma and moving forward. The Stoic advice was “fatalism”. The Stoics' advice was “fatalism” in relation to the events that fate deals us. This is in stark contrast to the psychologizing approach of modernity where everything must be turned around and the answer must be found, preferably within the individual.

Here is an excerpt where author William Irvine highlights Marcus Aurelius' thoughts on fate and grief:

> Marcus also advocates taking a fatalistic attitude toward life. To do otherwise is to rebel against nature, and such rebellions are counterproductive, if what we seek is a good life. In particular, if we reject the decrees of fate, Marcus says, we are likely to experience tranquility-disrupting grief, anger, or fear. To avoid this, we must learn to adapt ourselves to the environment into which fate has placed us and do our best to love the people with whom fate has surrounded us. We must learn to welcome whatever falls to our lot and persuade ourselves that whatever happens to us is for the best. Indeed, according to Marcus, a good man will welcome “every experience the looms of fate may weave for him.

Today, when I experience regrets and sadness that I can't control, I think; it couldn't have happened any other way.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#72

Post by darkwater »

lux wrote: post #58

Sisyphean is the word I’ve come back to a lot myself since my wife took her life on November 6, 2024. Feeling like I’m now trying to live for both of us, grasping at ways of honouring her memory despite the incredible love we had being unable to “save” her, and somehow not at all myself anymore, but having to keep moving forward feels hopeless beyond belief. I lost my dad suddenly just two months prior, and my grandm…

John, I'm a perfect stranger but I send you a big hug and lot of love. I can only thinly scratch the surface of what you went through with my mind, and it's already the scariest thought I could possibly have in my life.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#73

Post by scrollop »

CobaltFire wrote: post #13

My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…

re your son, have you listened to

https://thetelepathytapes.com/

Re: The year I didn't survive

#74

Post by guynamedloren »

tombert wrote: post #10

It's weird how a series of big things happening in a short period of time changes who you are as a person, and not always for the better. When I failed to stop an acquaintance from killing himself a few years ago [1], it really fucked me up. I barely knew the guy, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over it, and I still have nightmares about it. It led to a severe funk of depression that I still haven't go…

Fuck. Reading the original post on Something Awful, then your experience in 2021 in the days leading up, and then this all these years later... it's just harrowing. I'm so sorry.

Re: The year I didn't survive

#76

Post by plumefar »

Andrex wrote: post #44
justforaoneoff wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

COVID coincided with my daughter being born, my parents dying unexpectedly and my partner having complete mental breakdown all while I was working a very stressful job with long hours and high stakes. Years have passed and I still feel like the battered husk of the person I was. I have good days and bad days but I'm slowly coming to accept I won't ever feel the confidence, the capability or the boundless reserves of…

Shit is this everybody? I feel like I'm constantly mourning who I used to be, like it was a different person entirely and there's no getting that level of empathy or patience back again.

I had the same reaction.

I’m half the person I used to used to be, after a painful burnout. And it’s not even close as painful as what the OP experienced.

So many of my friends went through some very hard time that I stopped counting.

So yes, is this everybody?

Re: The year I didn't survive

#78

Post by ErigmolCt »

CobaltFire wrote: post #13

My son had cancer during COVID, though he was fortunate enough to beat it into remission (with the help of a huge care team). I was active duty military, and he is also non-verbal and autistic. The things she talks about, how focused she was and how hard it is to do any of that now, I've been experiencing exactly the same things. I find it hard to do anything, put anything together, etc. after 3 years of managing his…

The sheer intensity of being in constant survival mode for someone you love, especially in such high-stakes moments, doesn't just fade once the crisis is over. It leaves something behind, or maybe takes something away. I don't know if healing looks like "going back to who we were" or if it's more about figuring out who we are now, with everything we've carried

Re: The year I didn't survive

#80

Post by ErigmolCt »

tombert wrote: post #10

It's weird how a series of big things happening in a short period of time changes who you are as a person, and not always for the better. When I failed to stop an acquaintance from killing himself a few years ago [1], it really fucked me up. I barely knew the guy, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling guilty over it, and I still have nightmares about it. It led to a severe funk of depression that I still haven't go…

But the fact that you're still here, still processing, still reaching out, means something. You're not a worse person. You're a person who went through something deeply painful, and that pain doesn't define your entire story.
Post reply on HN