Chris, I don't know how old you are or how many decades of experience
you have with open discussions, particularly open technical discussions,
but my advice is still simple, "Don't let it bother you because it
doesn't really matter."
Technical discussions can often be contentious, but often, they are
contentious for the "right" reason, people care. When people actually
care about building the "best" possible code, emotions run high, even
though such unrestrained enthusiasm has substantial drawbacks. As you
already know far too well, many thrive on the competition and conflict
as much as they thrive on getting things right.
As Peter wonderfully points out, none of us can claim "A total lack of
crazy," or for that matter, "A total lack of asshole." On top of these
all too human failings, we also have our moments when we just get it all
wrong. It happens. Roll with it. Let it go, but learn from it.
Good communication takes practice. Ask grellas sometime about the effort
he put into learning to write well. It shows. He wasn't born the skill
he has. He learned it. If you stop communicating, you're robbing
yourself of a chance to practice.
As for me, I rarely post on HN due to my health not being very good. I
deal with chronic pain, and often it hurts too much to type. As you
might imagine, when I'm hurting a lot, I can often be less than pleasant
company, and it's best for everyone for me to just remain silent. For
me, typing comes at a cost. It means I'll be more sore by the end of the
day. The cost has taught me something important; the things I say should
make a difference, but often, my opinions don't really matter.
Treebeard: "You must understand, young Hobbit, it takes a long time to
say anything in Old Entish. And we never say anything unless it is worth
taking a long time to say." -- J.R.R. Tolkien