I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946) • Hacker News Board

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#71

Post by redblacktree » Thu, May 30, 2024, 4:53 PM UTC

_yb2s wrote: post #69

sampo wrote: post #3

Somewhat related: http://www.rosenfels.org/Feynman After the war, Feynman got a "D" from an army psychological evaluation because he, among other things, told the psychiatrist that he occasionally talks to his late wife. "Thinks people talk about him. Thinks people stare at him. Auditory hypnogogic hallucinations. Talks to self. Talks to deceased wife."

It’s incredible that they are so out of touch they see healthy introspection, and love as mental illness. This reminds me of when I had an actual bacterial infection, couldn’t get my Dr to prescribe antibiotics for it, so I got some on my own and they worked. When I pulled my medical records I saw in my chart something like “inappropriate off label use of prescription medications.”

How did you pull your medical records?

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#72

Post by sharadov » Thu, May 30, 2024, 4:54 PM UTC

strenholme wrote: post #10

My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…

I am so happy that you were able to build that emotional connection. My dad is terminally ill and often I think about what I will miss most when he is no more. And I realized it would be the depth of emotional connection - a person who knows you in and out and unconditionally loves you.

I try to steel myself about the coming eventuality, but all I know is it's going to be a deep abyss and it will take everything to climb out of it.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#73

Post by _yb2s » Thu, May 30, 2024, 5:06 PM UTC

redblacktree wrote: post #71

_yb2s wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s incredible that they are so out of touch they see healthy introspection, and love as mental illness. This reminds me of when I had an actual bacterial infection, couldn’t get my Dr to prescribe antibiotics for it, so I got some on my own and they worked. When I pulled my medical records I saw in my chart something like “inappropriate off label use of prescription medications.”

How did you pull your medical records?

I believe it's a legal right to request them. I sent them an official form requesting them, and they sent them to me, as I wanted to transfer my old records to a new doctor. These were old style records, nowadays most of that stuff will be automatically on some type of web portal.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#74

Post by syncsynchalt » Thu, May 30, 2024, 5:32 PM UTC

jb1991 wrote: post #6

I did not know Feynman was responsible for finding the cause of the Challenger explosion. That's remarkable on top of everything else he did.

It has come out more recently (2019) that Sally Ride was putting him on the trail. He acted the irascible dogged investigating scientist, and she got the astronauts' worries about shuttle program specifics out to the public.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#75

Post by criddell » Thu, May 30, 2024, 5:41 PM UTC

throwaway64643 wrote: post #49

strenholme wrote: post #10

My wife died 10 years ago, so I understand that pain. Dealing with death is never easy. The thing I miss most about my wife is the depth of emotional connection; she knew everything about me being very deeply in love with me and everything I did really mattered to her. It has taken me nearly 10 years to build a network of friends who can give me comparable levels of socialization and attention; I have about two dozen…

I always felt a sense of betrayal when someone sought a new partner after their spouse dies. But when I read a passage by Freeman Dyson about Feynman's trip to Santa Fe to meet his new girlfriend, my view has significantly shifted. Dyson (or perhaps someone else; I don't recall exactly) spoke of Feynman as someone who cannot stay out of a romantic relationship for too long. Some men just always want to love and be lo…

If you die before your partner, do you want them to remain single the rest of their lives?

If that were to happen to me, I definitely want my wife to love and be loved again.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#76

Post by dotnet00 » Thu, May 30, 2024, 5:58 PM UTC

jb1991 wrote: post #6

I did not know Feynman was responsible for finding the cause of the Challenger explosion. That's remarkable on top of everything else he did.

He was involved in the investigation committee, but of course wasn't the only one there. IIRC Neil Armstrong was also on the committee. I figure that part of the point of choosing them was to lend the committee credibility with the public. The public would probably trust that the findings were above board if they were supported by the first man on the Moon and one of the most prominent physicists of the time.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#77

Post by idontpost » Thu, May 30, 2024, 5:59 PM UTC

graemep wrote: post #48

mycologos wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think strenholme is saying that those casual relationships are morally wrong, but that they're only facsimiles of the connection found in a deep and long relationship (especially one formed when young), and that pursuing facsimiles maybe brings you close enough to the original that you keep pursuing, but not close enough to ever approximate the original, and if what you miss is the original, then this is not…

Interesting point, but surely the reasoning that they are "only facsimiles of the connection found in a deep and long relationship" is a major argument for regarding them as morally wrong? If you believe you have a moral duty to be the best person you can then passing up that opportunity in favour of the facsimiles is morally wrong.

[dead]

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#78

Post by exitb » Thu, May 30, 2024, 6:07 PM UTC

coldtea wrote: post #36

People appreciating this letter might also appreciate "A crow look at me" by Mount Eerie (a one-person music project), written by Phil just after his wife died of cancer, and dealing with it. Here's an example track: https://genius.com/Mount-eerie-real-death-lyrics

Just a note that the album represents a much more raw and unprocessed point of view - I wouldn't recommend it to anyone dealing with a recent loss.

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#79

Post by [deleted] » Thu, May 30, 2024, 6:57 PM UTC

01HNNWZ0MV43FF wrote: post #31

card_zero wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nice to know that mere friendship (in heavy doses) can do the same job. I thought this should be possible, but was worried it might not be.

It might depend on the person. I want in-person friendships and 24 people sounds like more than I could reasonably give attention to. And I want non-platonic things

[deleted]

Re: I love my wife. My wife is dead (1946)

#80

Post by therobots927 » Thu, May 30, 2024, 7:00 PM UTC

_yb2s wrote: post #69

sampo wrote: post #3

Somewhat related: http://www.rosenfels.org/Feynman After the war, Feynman got a "D" from an army psychological evaluation because he, among other things, told the psychiatrist that he occasionally talks to his late wife. "Thinks people talk about him. Thinks people stare at him. Auditory hypnogogic hallucinations. Talks to self. Talks to deceased wife."

It’s incredible that they are so out of touch they see healthy introspection, and love as mental illness. This reminds me of when I had an actual bacterial infection, couldn’t get my Dr to prescribe antibiotics for it, so I got some on my own and they worked. When I pulled my medical records I saw in my chart something like “inappropriate off label use of prescription medications.”

How did you acquire the antibiotics?