The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids • Hacker News Board

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#71

Post by quietbritishjim » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:49 AM UTC

remoquete wrote: post #11

I've three kids. It's wonderful, it's exhausting, and it's often terrifying. Being a parent is a painful experience, but so is living life. Would my life be easier and less painful without them? Yes. Would my life be better without them? No, just different. I respect antinatalists, but I chose differently. I chose to bring laughter and joy to this absurd, meaningless Universe we habit, even if for a brief lapse. Is i…

I agree with what you're saying, but it doesn't seem to have much to do with the article.

It doesn't suggest that people are having fewer children because they are "antinatalists" or consider having children a "selfish choice". It's right there in the title: they think they just don't have time due to their work/life balance. As I said in another comment, that's more likely to be an economic problem (specifically, housing) rather than a philosophical change as you seem to be saying.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#72

Post by wkat4242 » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:50 AM UTC

notfried wrote: post #18

For those of you who decided not to have kids in your 20s-30s, and are now in your 40s+, when changing that decision now becomes increasingly more difficult: did you regret it? Did your position of “I want to live my life, I don’t want the hassle or the cost, or there are too many humans already, or something else”, did that position change or weaken? Asking for a friend :)

No I'm nearly 50 and I don't regret it at all, never have in the slightest.

I see all the strings my friends have, having to book meetings months in advance. Where I can go out dancing till 6am whenever I feel like it (which I do a lot) or wake up at 3pm on a Saturday. I don't think my life would have been so full if I'd been so tied down with a family.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#73

Post by cpursley » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:51 AM UTC

davedx wrote: post #25

notfried wrote: post #18

For those of you who decided not to have kids in your 20s-30s, and are now in your 40s+, when changing that decision now becomes increasingly more difficult: did you regret it? Did your position of “I want to live my life, I don’t want the hassle or the cost, or there are too many humans already, or something else”, did that position change or weaken? Asking for a friend :)

I had my first child in my mid 30's, and one of my friends started when both him and his partner were in their 40's. No regrets, but the biological challenges can be very real -- my friends had to use IVF for both their pregnancies. I don't know anyone who had kids a bit later in life who regretted it purely due to their age. Though being now in my mid 40's I think I would struggle with the sleep deprivation and nois…

Sometimes I wish we had our daughter a bit earlier, the energy requirements are real.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#74

Post by askonomm » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:51 AM UTC

cpursley wrote: post #68

askonomm wrote: post #59

I don't have nor want/have any desire for kids, yet all the people with kids keep telling me I should, and not having them is selfish (...how? Isn't it the other way around?), and multitude of other reasons why I should definitely have them and that if I don't then I'm somehow a horrible person. What I don't get is why people keep forcing their lifestyle onto those with a different lifestyle? Do they see me having al…

I’ve done all the “lifestyle” stuff as well. We’re not jealous. Kids are an order of magnitude more rewarding.

My "lifestyle" is just having more time for my hobbies and entertainment with a lot less stress, so I figure for you kids are more rewarding than those things, but to me (and a lot of other people like me) they are not.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#75

Post by askonomm » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:52 AM UTC

cpursley wrote: post #70

cpursley wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve done all the “lifestyle” stuff as well. We’re not jealous. Kids are an order of magnitude more rewarding.

And here’s the secret: when the kids are a bit older, they can participate in your lifestyle: travel, skiing, instruments, etc.

No thanks. Don't like kids.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#76

Post by cpursley » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:53 AM UTC

keyle wrote: post #6

I have two kids. It's tough. But this kind of "opinion" column on a large network is just despicable. Kids is the hardest thing to come to life, I call it "life on hard mode". And I've moved across the world. But the gains are immense. You can bend yourself backward your entire career trying to achieve something that is taken away in a whiff. Your children is a richer investment. When you leave this earth, you're lea…

Huh, my wife and I still go to restaurants. Nice ones, too. We just bring our 2 year old daughter.

And there’s always delivery.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#77

Post by lm28469 » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:54 AM UTC

remoquete wrote: post #35

lm28469 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you get it backward, lot of people would like to have kids, the problem isn't life with kids, it's life with modern jobs and everything that come with them

Life with kids has always been problematic.

Less so when you could afford a house, a car, 2 kids and a stay at home wife on a single salary. It was also much easier when people didn't move to foreign countries and/or far away cities for their jobs, losing their family network &c.

I'm in my mid 20s, in tech and couldn't afford that at all, I could barely afford my gf being unemployed. I don't have a car and live in a small flat. If I can barely afford a comfortable but frugal lifestyle while being paid more than 60% of my peers I'm not too surprised most people literally can't afford kids

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#78

Post by wkat4242 » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:55 AM UTC

keyle wrote: post #6

I have two kids. It's tough. But this kind of "opinion" column on a large network is just despicable. Kids is the hardest thing to come to life, I call it "life on hard mode". And I've moved across the world. But the gains are immense. You can bend yourself backward your entire career trying to achieve something that is taken away in a whiff. Your children is a richer investment. When you leave this earth, you're lea…

> Living a full life is about experiencing life fully. Raising children is a huge part of this. Going to a restaurant twice a week with your partner, when you're 40+ and no kids, will get very repetitive and boring.

Then don't do that. I go clubbing a lot and I'm almost 50 and I really enjoy it. My partner is pretty polyamorous like me so we're not really monogamous either, making it even more interesting.

Maybe this doesn't work for you but I don't like the idea of society saying what I should want to do with my life. I'm very happy as it is.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#79

Post by formerly_proven » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:55 AM UTC

cpursley wrote: post #63

quietbritishjim wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wonder if the key issue here is lack of housing in developed countries. Here in the UK, owning a nice house (not just a flat/apartment) in a decent suburb is out of reach for most people who are at the traditional age to have children. That is a problem of lack of land rather than some inherent material cost. With such a vicious fight over the few properties that exist, almost all income is squeezed on that goal, w…

> That is a problem of lack of land rather than some inherent material cost. No, this is a problem of poor planning and preventing building up (dense). Plenty of “developed” countries outside of the Anglo world have solved this issue.

I'm not sure about plenty. There's a common structural issue where properties and what you can do with them is controlled by local authorities elected by the locals while locals are also protected from the housing market using rent control.

Since the locals already got theirs and experience a lot less of the market pressure non-locals experience, restrictive housing policy follows fairly naturally. This is true for both renting and renter locals.

Re: The New Work-Life Balance: Don't Have Kids

#80

Post by jdietrich » Mon, Feb 05, 2024, 10:57 AM UTC

remoquete wrote: post #35

lm28469 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you get it backward, lot of people would like to have kids, the problem isn't life with kids, it's life with modern jobs and everything that come with them

Life with kids has always been problematic.

Life with kids has always been problematic, but it has got much harder in the last few decades as social attitudes have changed. Levels of parental involvement and attention that were perfectly normal in the 1970s would now generally be considered criminally negligent. Across most western countries, the amount of time that parents spend with their children has dramatically increased; that's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does greatly increase the opportunity cost of having children.

https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2021/01/parents-children-pare...