Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

Post by chankstein38 » Tue, Sep 12, 2023, 3:41 PM UTC

willcipriano wrote: post #40

chankstein38 wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Calling paying for a bill "quite fun to take part in" made me chuckle. I'd rather play the game where someone else ends up paying because they put that much thought into it. If I'm treating someone I'll happily pay but if I'm at a restaurant with a bunch of people and someone is making it their mission to pay for my meal, I'm not going to fight it!

I'd rather buy everyones meal than owe one to someone else. Being paid for feels infantilizing to me. Often the person with the highest status pays, by accepting being paid for you are accepting your role beneath them.

lol if you play that ridiculous game, sure. The reality is everyone goes on with life and, if someone thinks of it again "Hey you owe me dinner after last month!" they're the asshole. It's different if I forced them to pay for my dinner but if they just paid because they're paying then I don't understand why people overthink it like you are.

Post by chankstein38 » Tue, Sep 12, 2023, 3:43 PM UTC

nuancebydefault wrote: post #44

chankstein38 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Same. I have had it get me in trouble before because I was described as "developing like a gopher" where I disappear into a hole for _x_ time and then pop out with a bunch of questions or the entire ask completed without any input and both of those things tended to be negative as well. I'm not sure how to handle it sometimes. It seems like asking too many questions can get me judged and potentially make people see me…

I find, the fact that i don't understand code is, often, the mental model of mine does not fit the mental model the writer had. Often it turns out that the writer made things more complicated than needed. Over engineering is a thing. When asking questions, including "why?", people seem to start to become uncomfortable and it becomes hard to have a constructive conversation.

Right? It almost feels like people get defensive when you ask why. I'm just trying to understand but I ask someone why and their response ends up making me feel like I attacked them. It's weird.

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)

Re: Are you an Asker or a Guesser? (2010)