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Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
71–80 of 282 posts
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#72> It reminds me of the bumper stickers on trucks saying that vehicles must stay back at least 200 feet because the driver is not responsible for damage done to other vehicles by falling rocks. It's nonsense of course. No, it isn't nonsense . Neither are the signs at a mechanic's shop telling you they're not responsible for lost or damaged items. What all these signs have in common is that they signify dangerous work.…
The law (at least in my state) holds the truck driver responsible for what is called an unsecured load. Meaning if it is unable to be driven without stuff flying off it, it shouldn't be on the road. The signs have no legal significance. Do I drive closely to dump trucks, though? Nope, I keep my distance. They might be responsible for the damage, but I don't want to deal with a broken windshield in the first place.
Some people really need to internalize the fact that anyone can put up a sign, and signs don't make the law.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#73Earlier quoted context omitted.
> kind That depends on the person. I’ve known people who take any criticism at any time for any reason as an offense. There is no kind way (from their perspective) to convince such a person that their behavior is anything negative. Neutral at worst or it’s, “What do you have against me?” Edit: To add a bit more context, some of these people are family members and close friends (who are now distant, unfortunately); I…
Yes, some minority of people will react this way, but that shouldn’t result in the default feedback being unkind.
I don’t mean to justify or suggest being unkind as a default. In fact, I’ll take the opportunity to say to the person reading this (yes, you): endeavor to be as kind as possible as often as possible.
Instead, I recognize that some people cannot be kindly (again, from their perspective) criticized. There is no, “That was disrespectful,” which is taken at face value. When this person hears such a phrase being directed at them, they hear someone being unkind to them.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#74Earlier quoted context omitted.
brutal honesty is not the opposite of "you're beautiful, you're smart, you're perfect just the way you are." And feelings are not opposed to objective reality, for that matter. It's entirely possible to be clear, explicit, truthful, and kind.
> kind That depends on the person. I’ve known people who take any criticism at any time for any reason as an offense. There is no kind way (from their perspective) to convince such a person that their behavior is anything negative. Neutral at worst or it’s, “What do you have against me?” Edit: To add a bit more context, some of these people are family members and close friends (who are now distant, unfortunately); I…
You can be honest and critical with someone and still be coming from a place of kindness. To be kind is not the same as being nice. Being kind is acting for the best interests of another person, which sometimes means being honest if it will help that person improve or gain a better perspective.
In addition, you can keep kindness as a guiding principle and still recognize the people who will take advantage of that kindness, and adjust yourself accordingly. You do not need to live to appease people who are never going to be appeased.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#75I wield the truth proudly, because it cut my hands when i picked it up, it slices them when i wield it and it hurts even more when i knight you with it. I actively search out discomfort, i embrace knowledge about my retardation and i attempt to work out solutions for them. I detest the hive, the cuddling together in falsehood and illusions, the disasters it has spawned time and time again, the justifications for evil…
This comment sounds like copy-pasta so not sure if it's being posted in disagreement or in satire. However if it is genuine, as someone who used to think this way I realize now it is falling for the same black and white worldview that you accuse the "insane" others of following. Is your goal to convince others of the truth, or to simply feel smug about convincing yourself you know the truth? You are enjoying the idea…
> Is your goal to convince others of the truth, or to simply feel smug about convincing yourself you know the truth?
My experience has been that for most people who know the truth and state it bluntly, they don't care about either. They don't want to convince and they don't want to feel smug. They just want the truth to be known so they can wipe their hands and conscience and just move on.
The world is not about status or victory for everyone, especially not these pesky people who always seem to be right about stuff! When you know better, there's nothing to prove or gain by bothering with any of that. Being right keeps things moving along. Smart people don't argue nor have to fight for what they have. They just effortlessly float through this world being right and avoiding ignorant people who love to throw tantrums; underappreciated.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#76Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think that there's the need to a counterpoint to the world that says "you're beautiful, you're smart, you're perfect just the way you are.". A lot of the time the modern world tells us that feelings are more important than objective reality. It's bullshit.
This is the epitome of the sentiment: those interested in the pursuit of “hard truths” are only extrinsically motivated to find fault in others and gleefully “correct” another’s “faulty” self perception. Never intrinsically motivated to better themselves… Tell me more about how everyone else in the “modern world” is the problem…
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Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#77This reminds me of: “People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty.” Richard J. Needham
I think that there's the need to a counterpoint to the world that says "you're beautiful, you're smart, you're perfect just the way you are.". A lot of the time the modern world tells us that feelings are more important than objective reality. It's bullshit.
There are so many - SO MANY - ways that "objective reality" can be counter-productive.
For example, I remember reading "For people to change, first they have to feel accepted as they are".
This is some "objective reality" people should keep in mind when disclosing "objective reality".
"But my spouse/friend/child/coworker is !"
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#78Two things - 1. science is the search for being right. It has brought us untold riches and wealth (and weapons). But getting humans to accept the provable facts is really really hard and usually progress is made a funeral at a time. 2. Most people who think they are right are not using scientific rigour but their own instincts and are usually full of hot air - see any middle manager for examples So yes, you are right…
> science is the search for being right
Is it really though? To me science is more about asking questions and then figuring out how to answer them. Both right and wrong answers tell us something potentially new about the world around us.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#79Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think that there's the need to a counterpoint to the world that says "you're beautiful, you're smart, you're perfect just the way you are.". A lot of the time the modern world tells us that feelings are more important than objective reality. It's bullshit.
This is the epitome of the sentiment: those interested in the pursuit of “hard truths” are only extrinsically motivated to find fault in others and gleefully “correct” another’s “faulty” self perception. Never intrinsically motivated to better themselves… Tell me more about how everyone else in the “modern world” is the problem…
Everything in this thread converges on generalizations and platitudes.
I've lived long enough to have learned to present feedback to others diplomatically and inasmuch as possible kindly.
But when it comes to me, dear Lorde, just get to a constructive point quickly and directly. Takes me a while to coach my mentors :) but life is easier for all once they believe me.
The point being, there's all sorts, including those who genuinely want "hard truths" without looking to only correct others.
Re: Is it my fault if you can't handle the truth? (2019)
#80Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yes, some minority of people will react this way, but that shouldn’t result in the default feedback being unkind.
I think the point is that no matter how kind you are to those people they'll find a reason to take offense anyway.
In which case there's no reason to be unkind, either!
If you can communicate the truth with kindness and be heard, great. If not, move on.
In my experience, unkindness isn't any more effective than kindness in effecting change; it usually prompts defensiveness.