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Everything You Can’t Have

collabfund.com

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Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#71

Post by keymon-o »

pdimitar wrote: post #33
keymon-o wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There is a “mindfulness” angle. Instead of taking it always for granted, pay attention and make time enjoy your stuff. Being satisfied with what you have is what “poor” people (people who can’t have everything) do in order to be happy. What’s the benefit of being rich then?

> What’s the benefit of being rich then? Freedom. Owning better material items is only meant to facilitate freedom. I'm not a collector and never will be, even if I inherit two billion bucks tomorrow. Examples: - I'll get an expensive bike so me and my wife can go on an impulsive picnic in the outskirts of the city. - I'll get an extra house in rural France so we're free to go there if we need the scenery for a few w…

You took the question out of the context. Parent expressed that rich people would be happier by enjoying their wealth and changing and controlling what they want and how they enjoy it. That's the same thing 'poor' people can do - be happy by controlling their urges. For all your examples, as a poor guy:

- I can control to enjoy a scenery or a picnic from local park or nearby forest and

- I can control of being worried about the money and doing exactly what I feel like doing (considering it makes me trully happy)

As a rich guy:

- I'd not be sure why I should pedal and sit on a muddy grass instead of renting Hummer and going to some fine dining restaurant

- I'd not be sure should I be wasting my time having all this money when I could be treating myself with X and Y

Once again, what's the benefit if I need to take a mental and physical effort in order to be happy? Your last two paragraphs are the exact thing I am talking about, and can be applied to non-rich people as well.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#72

Post by keymon-o »

coldtea wrote: post #32
keymon-o wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There is a “mindfulness” angle. Instead of taking it always for granted, pay attention and make time enjoy your stuff. Being satisfied with what you have is what “poor” people (people who can’t have everything) do in order to be happy. What’s the benefit of being rich then?

> Being satisfied with what you have is what “poor” people (people who can’t have everything) do in order to be happy. What’s the benefit of being rich then? It's the ability to do what you want with your time, and to (increasingly with more wealth) say fuck you to people who try to force you into this or that. It's also the increased ability to change things (for you, others, your city, or even your whole country) t…

This is your take on being rich and not at all related to what the article was about, what parent said and the point I was trying to make.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#73

Post by kstenerud »

> A few years after leaving office, Richard Nixon mentioned that the richest people in the world are some of the unhappiest, because they can afford to never struggle.

Except for those who choose a cause. Bill Gates comes to mind.

> You feel that, gee, isn’t it just great to have enough money to afford to live in a very nice house, to be able to play golf, to have nice parties, to wear good clothes, to travel if you want to?

If that's the vacuous extent of your life, the problem doesn't lie with the money.

> Something you can easily afford brings less joy than something you must save and struggle for. “The man who can buy anything he covets values nothing that he buys,” Dawson wrote.

Except that it's not true. I was easily able to afford the air fryer that I bought two years ago. Every single time I use it, I'm amazed at how easy it makes preparing certain meals, and I am thankful to the friend who recommended it. Every single thing I buy is carefully thought out (sometimes over months) to improve a specific part of my life. And every single thing I own is valued because it has a specific purpose. Dawson may have thought he'd stumbled upon some great wisdom, but all he was actually doing was looking in a mirror.

> Your brain doesn’t want stuff. It doesn’t even want new stuff. It wants to engage in the process and anticipation of getting new stuff.

Uhh wuuuuut? That's the most bizarre thing I've ever heard. What's the point in getting "stuff" over and over? You're not going to have any use for it.

> When you get a $10,000 car you dream of the 20,000 car.

Uhh no. I have a $5000 car and have absolutely no desire to buy another one until this one becomes too expensive to fix. I could buy a $50,000 car tomorrow, but what would be the point?

All I'm seeing in this article are confessions of a greedy person.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#75

Post by toto444 »

amelius wrote: post #3
toto444 wrote: post #2

I have found that instead of wanting things I don't own, wanting to see created things I haven't created yet very liberating. Since it makes my goals very personal, I can't compare myself on an objective metric with other people and as a result feel less frustrated about not earning more.

How do you trick your brain into this? How do you ignore friends who buy a new car every year?

I can ask you the same question :

How do you ignore friends who write a new book every year?

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#76

Post by zackmorris »

pdimitar wrote: post #48

Rich people getting bored and unhappy is 200% on them and them only. I know of no less than 7 separate things I'd lose myself into -- all related to inventing stuff -- that I actually would be afraid if I'll be giving my wife enough attention. That's how active I would be if I didn't have to worry about a job and a salary. I know other people like myself as well, some more obsessed and downright hyperactive even. Peo…

The one thing I can't have is rest. I have approximations of rest: coping, procrastinating, dissociating. But the fantasy of achieving rest is something that I've had to let go of, like Sisyphus.

After multiple boom-bust cycles and returning to the land of the living after burnout, I feel that the world's problems are caused by people who have too much either being unwilling or unable to empathize with the struggle of others.

It's not that I'm jealous of the rich. In fact, I have no real use for money other than to get left alone.

And it's not that I'm lazy. In fact, my education, experience and work capacity allow me to take on high workloads.

No, the central crisis for me is that my standard of living depends on taking from others. If I want to eat well, wilderness has to be cleared, someone has to pick the food, animals will die. If I want to live well, trees have to get cut down, fossil fuels have to be extracted, people will die mining and refining minerals. All that I do, all that I am, places additional burden on someone else.

So I've decided to live modestly, working just enough to keep a roof over my head and drive a vehicle so that I can meet the minimum demands of civilization. If I could, I would give it all back and live in a state of ultimate gratitude and peace.

But the wealthy don't do that. They just keep taking more and more and more, giving little or nothing back. Reaching a position of power only to deny it to someone else. Perhaps the ultimate sin besides taking another's life.

Profit means that someone didn't pay high enough wages. Inheritance means that resources were stolen from one generation for the next. Philanthropy means that someone didn't pay their taxes, so we had to.

Once you've hit rock bottom and see through the veil of illusion, wealth accumulation becomes a repugnant thing. The thing separating one from the divine. The thing that perpetuates the suffering we were born into.

The eerie part is, for all that I've experienced and learned, I know that this analysis of the status quo is not the final answer. I have not really had an epiphany. We all arrived here to incarnate as humans and experience the full gamut of suffering and bliss. We have philosophies and religious traditions glorifying suffering, even calling it noble and pious.

But I've struggled for so long that it's all I have really known, to the point where I've lost sight of how to improve my situation. But what about the people who have achieved success, who do have the means to make things better? Where are the wealthy people who demand shorter work hours, more automation and time off, more shared prosperity and even UBI? Surely there is at least one willing and able to speak out and step up.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#77

Post by toto444 »

antisceptic wrote: post #4
amelius wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How do you trick your brain into this? How do you ignore friends who buy a new car every year?

I'd imagine a healthier version of something like: "Simpletons, relying on consumerism for their dopamine rush, they're no different from ants! Meanwhile I am a /creator/ of things!"

I'd say my version does not include comparison to others. I actually wish more people try their best to create great things even if what their creations are much better than mine.

My version would be more like :

"Owning a car is very circumstantial. It means you temporarily have some property right on it. It can break, it can be taken away from you. If you create something it's yours forever. Its existence is not independant of your will.".

At the end of their lives some people will have owned ten cars, others will have written ten books.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#78

Post by amelius »

mantas wrote: post #59
amelius wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you suggesting to ignore friends/family? What if they offer you a car ride, and start bragging about their car? Not just once, but over and over. And they have a Bentley, and you have a second hand Toyota? How are serious mind tricks not necessary here to keep your sanity?

What's the problem? Tell the truth that it is indeed a nice car. If you have sanity issues because you ain't driving the nicest car in town... Maybe that's the core issue? Why do you place so much importance on having the nicest car? Vast majority of people do not give a damn what others drive/wear/whatever.

The Bentley is a nice car. The problem is that, unless you are a Tibetan monk, it will make your Toyota look less nice.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#79

Post by mantas »

amelius wrote: post #78
mantas wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's the problem? Tell the truth that it is indeed a nice car. If you have sanity issues because you ain't driving the nicest car in town... Maybe that's the core issue? Why do you place so much importance on having the nicest car? Vast majority of people do not give a damn what others drive/wear/whatever.

The Bentley is a nice car. The problem is that, unless you are a Tibetan monk, it will make your Toyota look less nice.

And Bugatti would make Bentley a not-so-nice car. But once you go off tarmac for your forest cabin, both cars will suck. You may enjoy your 2nd hand toyota, especially if it’s rav4, much more…

All in all the only way to win this game is to not play.

Re: Everything You Can’t Have

#80

Post by dixie_land »

scns wrote: post #53
borroka wrote: post #50

This is a misleading article that, with its mundane look at the world, tries to provide a "gotcha" that does not seem to exist except in the minds of someone who tries to find "gotchas" everywhere, as the author does. Do you want a new and better car? Actually, you don't want a Ferrari, you want dopamine. Do you feel attracted to someone younger, better looking, funnier, more interesting than your current partner? Th…

Money won't provide happiness, but it is more fun to cry in a cab than in the subway.

I've recently had some misfortunes in the romantic department.

It is objectively a better experience being depressed in my hilltop hot tub over looking acres than the 1bd apartment the 20yr old me had.

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