Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

researchgate.net

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 806 posts

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#71

Post by cuuupid »

guerrilla wrote: post #37
cuuupid wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

Can we skip the dystopia and do some free-software peer-to-peer or federated solution somehow? Are ActivityPub-like protocols useful for this?

Possibly, as disgusting as it sounds this is a pretty good use case for web3. Federate identity via blockchain to prevent bad actors, require a $1 or so NFT to use the app to prevent scammers from mass-botting, and some regular security and privacy measures = you’re good to go

Expanding user graphs for matches across multiple nodes isn’t just easy, it’s actually way more efficient too. Have nodes calculate match likelihood among their users and verify they’re using the same algorithm with a simple hash. Then you’ve reduced getting matches for user X from the entire population Y (calculating distance, applying filters, and then ordering by compatibility, all expensive tasks) to getting matches for user X from nodes N that are purposely geolocated nearby reducing the search space even more.

Basically not only could you do this open-source and decentralized, it would actually be more secure, safer, and way better both accuracy wise and cost wise at finding matches.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#72

Post by willmadden »

I'm curious how this comment will go over ;).

The answer is not "tinder" and it's not about "sexual loneliness".

Pair bonding weakens as people age and accumulate more sexual partners. We actively encourage people to delay pair bonding - mainly by discouraging "high school sweethearts" from marrying, and instead promoting college and pursuing careers over building families. This leads to atomized, lonely individuals who realize later in life what they missed out on, but now with the odds of age stacked against them. Even if you do find your partner in college, you now have families in vastly different geographic areas with different histories and values, which weakens the support structure around that union. In the majority of cases this is not a positive thing for the couple.

Pornography is also a problem, as it misdirects individuals' sex drive away from finding suitable partners.

The pendulum needs to swing back towards more traditional values from when our societies were healthier and growing. Those values exist for a reason!

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#73

Post by josefresco »

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

> incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit

While there's a perception that incels are ugly, socially awkward nerds, the one's I've interreacted with online (and off) tend to be angry, misogynistic douchebags.

The nerdiest guys I know (IRL) all have significant others. The bitter guys I know (two) IRL are older, have let themselves go and have nothing "going for them". They are both very active online however. This is my personal experience, anecdotal of course.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#74

Post by fxtentacle »

snowpid wrote: post #65
foldr wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Prostitution is already legal in lots of countries. I’m not sure that there’s any evidence that it makes a huge amount of difference to this problem.

"lots of countries" To my knowledge only Germany.

Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Greece, Turkey, Senegal, Nevada in the US, and various Australian states

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#75

Post by zb3 »

pcthrowaway wrote: post #51
klyrs wrote: post #9

[flagged]

> Encourage men to have sex with men Not the worst idea, but moreso because men should be comfortable and encouraged to have sex with whatever gender they want. Right now there is a lack of unanimous support for men who have sex with men.

However I'd need to change my orientation first, I think many people would be happy to do so. This should be possible, but isn't yet.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#76

Post by Zigurd »

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

i know women get inundated with messages on dating apps, but I would not blame the structure of dating app for the misfortune of some men.

The #1 cause of men not being datable is the advice they get from other men. Try listening to women instead.

In workplace settings, men tend to speak up whether or not they have something wise to contribute. This communications style carries over into the way men use dating apps.

Also, you can't sell the libertarian techbro thing as attractive. It isn't. Your prerogative to be that way. It doesn't bother me in a workplace setting. But it is a massive turn off. You are lowering your odds. You can find counterexamples, such as that when I was an undergrad, women ran the Objectivist newspaper. But outliers be outlying.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#77

Post by ryeights »

guerrilla wrote: post #37
cuuupid wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

Can we skip the dystopia and do some free-software peer-to-peer or federated solution somehow? Are ActivityPub-like protocols useful for this?

The Fediverse will solve society’s loneliness crisis. LOL

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#78

Post by nh23423fefe »

wpietri wrote: post #40
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

You say that like she's getting the good end of the deal. But everything I've heard from women on those apps, they'd rather have the "handful of sincere responses" experience than the "bazillion goofs spamming them and sending dick pics at the first hello".

This isn't a refutation. You aren't saying women would trade places with men. You're saying women would trade the current experience of massive attention for a new experience of curated sincere attention. So damaging the male experience further.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#79

Post by richbell »

hammock wrote: post #55
cuuupid wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be fair this is not entirely due to social dynamics but rather due to MatchGroup companies following identical monetization patterns. They’re just capitalizing on male desperation and artificially widening or narrowing the gap depending on how much you pay. If you observe the actual dating climate it’s nowhere near this bad and in larger cities like NYC it can even be closer to 1:1. Rather than a social problem th…

Singling out dating apps, or worse a single company thinking their monopoly created the problem, is missing the forest for the trees. The social dynamic exists independent of dating apps which monetize and exploit it. The dynamic is the same in real life, for example at a nightclub where women drink for free, promoters who bring them get paid per girl, and lonely men pay $40 cover for a chance to shoot their shot

> The social dynamic exists independent of dating apps which monetize and exploit it.

> The dynamic is the same in real life...

While I agree it isn't unique to OLD, it's vastly different to real life. In real life you can strike up a conversation with someone, become friends, develop feelings, and end up in a relationship weeks/months/years down the line.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#80

Post by kingstoned »

There is an interesting article comparing sex and income inequality:

https://www.overcomingbias.com/2018/06/comparing-income-sex-...

Also a good quote:

  “It's a fact...that in societies like ours sex truly represents a second system of differentiation, completely independent of money; and as a system of differentiation it functions just as mercilessly. The effects of these two systems are, furthermore, strictly equivalent. Just like unrestrained economic liberalism, and for similar reasons, sexual liberalism produces phenomena of absolute pauperization . Some men make love every day; others five or six times in their life, or never. Some make love with dozens of women; others with none. It's what's known as 'the law of the market'...Economic liberalism is an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. Sexual liberalism is likewise an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society.”
― Michel Houellebecq, Extension du domaine de la lutte
Post reply on HN