Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

71–80 of 113 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#71

Post by nickd2001 »

swores wrote: post #42
p0d wrote: post #36

I prayed at a party while sleeping on a friend's sofa in the 80s and said, "if you are out there Jesus, will you come into my life?" This was the beginning of a new life for me. My understanding of life has been shaped over the decades by biblical teaching and personal encounters with the Holy Spirit. Rather than hoping that life is good to me, I try to do good. I also have an eternal view on my actions. What the bib…

A great (sometimes) solution if you believe in Jesus, or whatever beliefs are tied to the religion you choose - but to many of us, whether happy or not with life, becoming religious just isn't a realistic option. And given how often we find out that even religious leaders such as priests, yet alone general believers, are terrible people - whether white nationalists or sex offenders or terrorists or... well, pretty mu…

As a Christian I'd agree that religious leaders and congregations can often be disappointing in our behaviour, given what rules of life we claim to follow. There are also people of no faith at all who go to church and basically pretend to be Christian for other purposes such as making business contacts. But that's the point isn't it? We're flawed human beings, capable of good and of bad, and Jesus called us to follow him to sort ourselves out , with his help. When you go to a church most people (including the clergy!) are some way along the journey to being sufficiently influenced by God to be able to be capable of more good and less bad. And even people far along the journey have their "off days". What the OP's Q shouts to me is lack of community and lack of a place to find friends. Churches are far from perfect but they can be a place to find community and friendship, flawed though it is, that's sorely lacking elsewhere due to people always being too busy / insular / living in car-centric neighbourhoods etc which seems a particular problem in N America. My 2p anyway, disagreements welcome :)

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#72

Post by hunterhod »

cableshaft wrote: post #66
hunterhod wrote: post #63

I was in your exact same situation and know the feeling of nausea-inducing existential dread all too well. I abused alcohol pretty heavily to cope. I can’t believe I’m about to post this, and I’m almost certain it won’t be received well by this community, but stepping into a local Christian church could potentially give you all of the things you’re longing for. You don’t have to be unintelligent or believe in mystici…

I'm not particularly religous right now (I consider myself agnostic, but pray every once in a while anyway), but growing up every Sunday I attended church in the morning and youth group in the evening (because my parents took me). At the time I had mixed feelings about it, liked some of the other kids in the youth group, but I often just wanted to be lazy on Sundays instead. Now that I'm older, I kind of miss having…

Exactly. From a purely secular perspective, having a consistent community to participate in seems to be an innate human need that churches supplied for a long time.

There are plenty of other ways to meet that need nowadays that are especially attractive given the poor example that some Christians set. My hope is that people find satisfaction in life one way or another.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#73

Post by nickd2001 »

To me this sounds like loneliness caused by lack of community. If you could make some friends, from all ages, walks of life, you'd probably be much happier and have perspective on things. The challenge is the place to meet people. I'd recommend doing some volunteer hours, for various causes that are worthwhile and a way to meet other people. If one is ever depressed, a fast way out of it is to help someone, in person (rather than remotely) and see a smile that you helped put on their face. Others mentioned church. That might be worth exploring, if you're open to the idea of such beliefs. Preferably something fairly mainstream and diverse rather than wacky or cultish. Good luck :)

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#74

Post by lytefm »

> But every night, the emptiness of this endless cycle hits me and it feels so paradoxically heavy, like an insurmountable gravitational pull into the void [...] The advice I've read concerning this sort of disillusionment boils down to making friends/establishing a sense of connection to the world, and having a sense of personal direction.

I'm also quickly approaching thirty as a remote-working dev, have a nice social life + an amazing GF, but existential dread is still an issue now and then :)

Improving your social life is generally a good idea, but to me it seems that fundamental problem is a lack of meaning, purpose and direction.

Some people are merrily living their lives and never face the abyss of „what's the point of all of this”. Apparently you're not one of them, so might need to find purpose in order to achieve a reasonable level of satisfaction in life.

The elephant in the room: Unless you are convinced that every human life (including yours) or at least humanity at whole is inherently valuable, there really is no point in all of this. Especially when considering all the looming crises humanity is facing. Hedonism isn't fulfilling, as you've noticed yourself.

Go take a deep dive into philosophy, religion, psychology. Figure out what you want in life and work towards it.

I can very much recommend listening to/reading Jordan Peterson. Helped me a lot over the past years. I'm currently reading Carl Jung about yearning as a fundamental condition of life and its relation to creativity.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#75

Post by lytefm »

brutus1213 wrote: post #4

I used to feel intensely lonely until my 30s. I made significant efforts to get out there and socialize. Something changed and I'm now considered a very extroverted person by others. A few things clicked inside me. Some books you may want to consider: 1) Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people book. 2) The Game by Neil Strauss(friend gave me a copy .. this is about pick up artists, something I never d…

„How to talk to anyone” by Leil Lowndes is also a great and actionable book.

+1 for scepticisms towards pickup artistry. I'd rather aim for „how can I become the person that women actually want“.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#76

Post by pryelluw »

Sounds like you are depressed. It happens to a lot of us. There’s no answer. Depression is sometimes just there.

No, exercise won’t fix it. Neither will eating well.

Maybe do an appointment with a doctor and see how that goes. Maybe see a therapist? It might help to just talk to someone not emotionally invested.

Best of luck.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#77

Post by onecommentman »

hunterhod wrote: post #72
cableshaft wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not particularly religous right now (I consider myself agnostic, but pray every once in a while anyway), but growing up every Sunday I attended church in the morning and youth group in the evening (because my parents took me). At the time I had mixed feelings about it, liked some of the other kids in the youth group, but I often just wanted to be lazy on Sundays instead. Now that I'm older, I kind of miss having…

Exactly. From a purely secular perspective, having a consistent community to participate in seems to be an innate human need that churches supplied for a long time. There are plenty of other ways to meet that need nowadays that are especially attractive given the poor example that some Christians set. My hope is that people find satisfaction in life one way or another.

“poor example that some Christians set?”…can you recommend any group of ~1B people that doesn’t have members that “set a bad example”? Do you think you yourself could stand that scrutiny? (I doubt it.)

The OP says he is feeling lost. Following a map sounds like the sort of thing you do if you are lost. Any of the core scriptures of any of the major religions has the sort of map the OP may be looking for. Read deeply and broadly (Bible, Koran, Torah, Upanishads, Dhammapada, Sutras, Tao Te Ching…but often popular writings about the Scriptures are an easier start or even religious poetry, Perennialist or New Thought/New Age writings). Then find a community you like consistent with what you find true in your reading of those texts, if you wish. Many billions of people over the centuries couldn’t have been that wrong taking such an approach.

But choosing a community first before finding your philosophical/spiritual footing runs the risk falling into a cult. They can seem “especially attractive”…at first. As can political and philosophical fringe groups. Try not to waste your time (and lots of money) by putting their cart before your horse. First find and listen to the still, small voice within, then explore what direction will lead towards your better life. If someone proposes the opposite (community before individual spiritual exploration and commitment), run away while keeping one hand over your wallet, because your money is what they are really interested in.

If you already feel comfortable in the spiritual tradition you were born into, then you already have your answer…you just need to deepen your understanding and actually pursue the practices of that millennia-long tradition. Community and theurgy can help. As the Dalai Lama said, you can test whether you are on the right path if your path is making you kinder and more loving to all you meet. Love your neighbor as yourself. Golden rule. Not that hard :-). I’m guessing your heart will be way more important in finding your way than your head will be. You do know where your heart is, don’t you? :-)

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#78

Post by jjtheblunt »

pryelluw wrote: post #76

Sounds like you are depressed. It happens to a lot of us. There’s no answer. Depression is sometimes just there. No, exercise won’t fix it. Neither will eating well. Maybe do an appointment with a doctor and see how that goes. Maybe see a therapist? It might help to just talk to someone not emotionally invested. Best of luck.

might exercise at least slightly invigorate and thereby improve it?

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#79

Post by p0d »

swores wrote: post #42
p0d wrote: post #36

I prayed at a party while sleeping on a friend's sofa in the 80s and said, "if you are out there Jesus, will you come into my life?" This was the beginning of a new life for me. My understanding of life has been shaped over the decades by biblical teaching and personal encounters with the Holy Spirit. Rather than hoping that life is good to me, I try to do good. I also have an eternal view on my actions. What the bib…

A great (sometimes) solution if you believe in Jesus, or whatever beliefs are tied to the religion you choose - but to many of us, whether happy or not with life, becoming religious just isn't a realistic option. And given how often we find out that even religious leaders such as priests, yet alone general believers, are terrible people - whether white nationalists or sex offenders or terrorists or... well, pretty mu…

As a younger man I used to apologise for other christians who let the show down, but now I don't. As you say there are many good and bad from all walks of life. The church is my family and we all know how families tend to play out.

I think as human beings we need to think seriously on the question, why are we here? And I also think that we need to have good relationships, be part of a community. I have realised this more as I have gotten older. Some will be surprised when they reach their work/money goals. You will find you will still be left with questions. I speak from experience. At 50 I am reading books written by 80 year olds looking back at life. It makes interesting reading.

Re: Ask HN: How do you overcome feeling completely lost in life?

#80

Post by aristofun »

swores wrote: post #42
p0d wrote: post #36

I prayed at a party while sleeping on a friend's sofa in the 80s and said, "if you are out there Jesus, will you come into my life?" This was the beginning of a new life for me. My understanding of life has been shaped over the decades by biblical teaching and personal encounters with the Holy Spirit. Rather than hoping that life is good to me, I try to do good. I also have an eternal view on my actions. What the bib…

A great (sometimes) solution if you believe in Jesus, or whatever beliefs are tied to the religion you choose - but to many of us, whether happy or not with life, becoming religious just isn't a realistic option. And given how often we find out that even religious leaders such as priests, yet alone general believers, are terrible people - whether white nationalists or sex offenders or terrorists or... well, pretty mu…

> becoming religious just isn't a realistic option

I was thinking exactly like that 10 years ago.

Until I finally realized that

1) people, be it enlightened priests or corrupted believers, have nothing to do with god nor with faith

2) faith is the most basic and fundamental feature of our human mind and the idea pf god is an ultimate pinpoint of this feature.

So being a reasonable man, i prefer to believe in something ideal and absolute, rather than any other limited ideas invented by specific people (sometimes with bad intentions).

Post reply on HN