Live data from Hacker News

Restarting my career after motherhood

medium.com

71–80 of 273 posts

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#71
I had a similar issue: I unexpectedly became a single father and ended up just doing that full time for seven years (well I did work for about 15 months in the middle but had to give that up). I understand what she’s talking about.

There were many differences for me though. For one I had a rich network (she doesn’t mention this) so when, a couple of years ago, my gf urged me to get a job I ended up with a lot of recruiter calls. But TBH they couldn’t grok my bg and I’m not really a big company guy.

Also I already had multi-year gaps in my work history so this wasn’t an existential issue for me as it might be for most people.

Third, I’m male and the biases in business are different. Not just in business: a father traveling with a kid is offered all sorts of help and accommodation while a woman with kids is largely invisible. I could write a whole book on this! But on the business side I wasn’t asked the kinds of family questions that I hear women are asked. In fact “I had to become a full time parent” is usually received with sympathy rather than as a sign of unseriousness.

In the end I did what I usually do which is start a company. My co founder is a widow, and also a former software developer, and she struggled* more like the author of this piece. The idiots who didn’t hire her really missed out!

My gf’s path involved an unexpected hack: she took only a few years off when her kids were small but she and her then husband needed the income so she started working for a tiny consulting boutique, initially part time. That let her slowly transition into consulting on her own.

* Disclaimer: we have never discussed this directly though: this comes through when we talk about hiring.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#72

I strongly disagree with "I remained flat" statement. I mean, you were taking care of your children, weren't you? If you do it right (imho, if you even just try to do it right), it's the biggest accomplishment one can do. I understand how frustrating it must be to stay professionally flat compared to your peers. We absolutely should celebrate people taking their time off to literally raise the next humans, instead we…

One of capitalism’s exploited externalities (no economic value placed on the labor of raising children)

Really we should allow parents to sell their children into slavery, that would be a means of maximizing short-term return on investment for parents who can't afford to provide food, education and clothing to their children. Remember, the free market is the ultimate selector for maximum efficiency, and to quote Milton Friedman, 'corruption is government interference into market efficiencies in the form of regulation'. Friedman got a Nobel (*swedish bank) Prize in Economics, so he must be right.

Now, I wonder if I have to add the /sarcasm tag or not... source:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yhAOs94n8k

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#73
post #8

The software industry is like an abusive partner. Always desperate to hire STEM talent, but not you. Knowing a large number of people with similar experiences my recommendation is to start up something. Some very limited and targeted application or service is usually possible. If nothing else it is great practice that will improve skills. The amount of work required to get a job in the software industry is often far…

I don't see any indication in this article that she's in the software or STEM industry. Glancing over the rest of her articles don't give this indication at all, nor does her feeling that she's lacking knowledge of "markets, technologies and trends".

If she were a software engineer, I'd have all sorts of advice on how to develop the skills to re-enter the job market.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#74

your response to rejection tells me you'll be perfectly fine. Any company would be lucky to have you. The first thing we list in our "requirements" for hiring is "grit" and you clearly have an abundance.

Putting grit in your job requirements is a huge red flag. Putting it as the top is really concerning. Working for a company shouldn't require grit.

> grit, n: firmness of mind or spirit, unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger

What hardship or danger are employees subjected to, in your company? If this an excuse to blame burnout on employees' lack of fortitude? What systems are missing from your organization that make goals reliant on individuals' courage?

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#75
post #63
post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't really think it's fair to call parenthood a "personal choice". It's not a complete necessity like food and water, but it's also not a complete personal choice like getting a tattoo. The majority of humans are going to be parents. All living humans come from a long unbroken line of parents. It's more fundamental than a simple personal choice.

> The majority of humans are going to be parents. Only because of the subsidies. It's hardly "natural" for all humans to reproduce. All living humans come from a long unbroken chain of natural selection and rejection of bad genes and reproduction of only the fittest to enable adaption to a changing environment. If you create subsidies so that every human can reproduce, you are going to reverse natural selection and c…

Huh? It has to work out that or the human race dies out. I guess you could have a few couples who have a lot of kids instead, but developed societies are really adverse to that.

It is “natural” in the sense that we wouldn’t be here to talk about it if it wasn’t the case.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#76
post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Parenthood is by far the most subsidized personal choice in the universe. Let's not pretend it's not. Some countries give more than a year paid parental leave, in what can only be described as vote purchasing. Parenthood is compensated.

That's 1 year of compensation for 18+ years of part-time labor, in countries with the most parental leave

So you’re not disagreeing that it’s compensated? What decision(s) can a non-parent make to get 1 year of compensation like parents get?

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#77
post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> How is this fair? Well, if I were going to argue the case I would probably start with the impossibility of any man ever getting that opportunity. Of course, whether those figures are enough or given out in the right way to the right people at the right time, all of those details can be argued over, but if you're going to start with fairness as your argument you'd better address the elephant in the room first. > AND…

equality ends where it hurts the capital let me give you an example good equality: have more women enter workforce so the pool of candidates is bigger and the salaries (expenses) decrease bad equality: pay for parental leave of both parents

Yeah, I'm constantly surprised that nobody every says this. With women entering the work force, now the family as a whole needs to work almost twice as much, as before when women were house wives. That's a pretty hefty price to pay for everyone, to save those women who were unlucky to have a cruel or unfair husband. I don't know if it's possible to say if it's "worth it" or not, but this independence sure does not come for free.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#78
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

Whoa - posting like this will get you banned here, regardless of how right you are or feel you are. I respect the family tragedy you're referring to, but it deserves better than this. The community does also. If you'd please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and stick to the rules when posting here, we'd appreciate it.

No post body was provided.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#79
post #54

> So far, I got rejected from over twenty job opportunities. That's nothing. I've been continuously employed for over 20 years. I just got a job a few weeks ago after two months of unemployment. I kept a record of every application and in the end there were more than 130 of them. I ended up with several offers and got a great job but I had far more than 20 rejections for every offer I received and I consider that a v…

Yeah, agree here. Even with a stream of continuous employment, nobody gets a job by submitting CV's to websites. You have to have a network.

Best advice I would give to anyone taking a break from work is to stay in touch with your old coworkers-take them out to lunch occasionally, stop by the office and bring cookies, etc.

Re: Restarting my career after motherhood

#80
I am thinking about,

All those parents who are forced to work but always wanted to stay back and provide best care for their kids but couldn't do so.. feeling a gut punch.

Parents who chose career path and gets the slap in the face moments every time they realized that they could have spent more time with the kids instead of the work.

Is it possible to eat the cake and have it too?

Post reply on HN