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When families un-adopt a child (2018)

theatlantic.com

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Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#71

Post by Lascaille »

gambiting wrote: post #45
ratww wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is a link on the article that provides a few more details. https://wiaa.org/child/reese-placed/ > This is a child with no special needs but wants to be in a family who goes to church. She loves to sing praise songs and read her Bible. She and her parents want her to be in a family that does this. She gets along with everyone and has no major behavioral problems. Her parents want her to be in a family that is in…

That's still crazy. A 10 year old's opinion on this should be humoured, but not to the extent where they put her up for adoption.

The adoption was probably pushed through the church and it's a 'if you leave the church you have to give the kid back' sort of deal. Just a hunch.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#72

Post by 30367286 »

fisherjeff wrote: post #53
Borrible wrote: post #17

Every offer finds a demand. https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1

“…the Internet is a reflection of society, and people are using it for all kinds of communications and to tackle all sorts of problems, including very complicated issues such as this one.” I don’t even know where to begin here.

Note that the article is from 2013, and this is very much in line with Facebook’s stance overall: that they are just a forum for expression, and not in the business of policing speech. That stance has only softened, really, in the past few years.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#73

Post by massysett »

xwdv wrote: post #10
ftyers wrote: post #4

I really didn't get this part: > But according to the information provided by her parents, “This family has drastically changed their lifestyle and have left their faith and extended family for a quiet, secluded life.” It is their hope that “a different family will step forward who can provide her with the socialization and continued relationship with God that she desires.” So they're saying that they are getting rid…

A child starts getting very expensive after age 10. Most likely, this child had served its purpose in their lives and the parents are done with their parenthood phase. It is time for someone else to take over while they travel the world and enjoy the finer things in life child free. It is possible they were just pressured into being parents by their extended family, but they didn’t really want to be.

They get cheaper as they get older. Child care for infants is extremely expensive, or the opportunity cost of staying home and watching them.

Are you thinking college? Despite what expensive selective private colleges want you to think, parents do not have to pay for it.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#74

Post by lupire »

in_cahoots wrote: post #46
hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #32

I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the is…

Looking at the children up for adoption today, a large portion seem to come from families with many other siblings. Who would have thought that children with special needs require dedicated attention?! The other thing I was surprised to see is how many of these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian) family. I would think that any loving family is better than being unwanted, regard…

> these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian)

"These kids" don't want that.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#75

Post by wizzwizz4 »

lupire wrote: post #74
in_cahoots wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Looking at the children up for adoption today, a large portion seem to come from families with many other siblings. Who would have thought that children with special needs require dedicated attention?! The other thing I was surprised to see is how many of these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian) family. I would think that any loving family is better than being unwanted, regard…

> these kids ‘love Jesus’ and want to go to a traditional (i.e. straight Christian) "These kids" don't want that.

Sometimes they do. I don't know how to tell the difference between “child's desires are being listened to” and “people are speaking for the child” other than talking to them – and often, children don't feel comfortable speaking their minds even when they're assured it's safe to do so, so it's hard for me to tell even then. (Ymmv: I imagine skilled practitioners of social-fu can tell the difference.)

But just because adults are saying that a child wants something, that doesn't mean the child doesn't want that thing.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#76

Post by harry8 »

warner25 wrote: post #57
adauctus wrote: post #50

Adoptive parent here. I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then. Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.

Horrific, but I'm not surprised this happens. I have four biological kids. I know that parenting is hard. That's actually an understatement. I've often wondered how much harder it is when you don't have the biological connection and evolutionary drive to help slog through the hardest parts. To be very candid, I have moments where I feel like having kids was a bad decision, but I know that I'd still give my life for t…

>So the biological connection and evolutionary drive doesn't do much for some people.

That doesn't follow at all. You can make zero assumptions about the why of that decision for any individual case nor how gut-wrenchingly difficult it is or is not. Nothing.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#77

Post by nadezhda18 »

warner25 wrote: post #57
adauctus wrote: post #50

Adoptive parent here. I read this before I adopted, and it didn’t make any sense to me then. Having now adopted, I’m willing to make a value judgement and say this absolutely horrific. It induces horror. I’m my kid’s parent.

Horrific, but I'm not surprised this happens. I have four biological kids. I know that parenting is hard. That's actually an understatement. I've often wondered how much harder it is when you don't have the biological connection and evolutionary drive to help slog through the hardest parts. To be very candid, I have moments where I feel like having kids was a bad decision, but I know that I'd still give my life for t…

I am an adoptive mother for 7 months already. I love my son very much and the fact that he carries somebody's else genes does not bother me at all. My son is from Thailand and I am Russian so we look very different. Still, not a problem The important thing here is that I take care of him and he accepts this care. (I do not have biological children and yes, parenting IS hard)

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#78

Post by wizzwizz4 »

istjohn wrote: post #48
Permit wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What an unusually low-value comment from an otherwise high-value commenter. Do you take issue with the label “child free” or with the fact that some couples would prefer not to have children? Or maybe with the idea that an organization advocates for these people?

It's silly for people who've decided they don't want to be parents to then style themselves as marginalized and build an identity around opposition to their imagined persecution. There's nothing wrong with not reproducing, but really you have more in common with parents of one child than they have in common with parents of six children. I don't have any pets. Do I need a special interest group?

> Do I need a special interest group?

It depends on the culture that surrounds you.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#79

Post by da39a3ee »

The title sounds like it’s going to be discussing a general adoption phenomenon, but the example it starts with is just crazy religious people in utah. I don’t think that normal-minded people can learn anything applicable from people whose minds and lives are dominated by superstitious delusion.

Re: When families un-adopt a child (2018)

#80

Post by kayodelycaon »

pvaldes wrote: post #49
hn_throwaway_99 wrote: post #32

I went and googled the advertising page of the second chance adoption agency discussed in this article, and it's just heartbreaking. On one hand, I really can't imagine what these "parents" were thinking adopting these children in the first place - the reasons for rehoming go from "major lifelong medical care required" to "child doesn't get along with his siblings" - but, in any case, doesn't seem like many of the is…

> Doesn't seem like many of the issues would have been unknown You would be surprised of how dishonest, abusive and manipulative can be the adopting programs. I know the case of a Spanish couple without children that adopted a Chinese girl baby. Some time later they discovered in a routinely health check (in Spain) that the girl has Down's syndrome, a fact that was know obviously but carefully hidden by the Chinese a…

This happened to my aunt and uncle.
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