Earlier quoted context omitted.
Elimination of feelings is not a desired outcome and if extreme can be classed a disorder such and depression, dissociative disorder or psychopathy. I found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT and Wise Mind) very helpful in dealing with troublesome emotions and then Zen which, as you say, is about not letting them control your behavior or your thoughts but calmly observing them come…
Feelings, for the most part, are intertwined with thoughts. This is what makes CBT and its ilk so valuable. For example... I'm feeling panicked because I've been given a new manager. I think the new manager may not see the value of my role. Turns out, the new manager is impressed with my experience and has heard good things about me from others. They believe me to be an important asset to the team. My feeling of pani…
Automatic Thought Record
When you notice your mood getting worse, ask yourself, "What's going through my mind right now?" As soon as possible, fill in the table below.
Situation:
I've been given a new manager
Automatic Thoughts:
I think the new manager may not see the value of my role
Emotions:
I'm feeling panicked
Adaptive Response:
What thinking styles did you engage in? Disqualifying the Positive, Jumping to Conclusions, Emotional Reasoning, Magnification. See OLDJEMMAPS.
Outcome:
Turns out, the new manager is impressed with my experience and has heard good things about me from others. They believe me to be an important asset to the team
OLDJEMMAPS acronym:
Over-generalization: Make a comprehensive, negative conclusion that is beyond the current situation.
"I failed the cognitive psychology exam. I'm not working with a psychotherapist."
Labeling and Mis-labeling: The extreme form of overgeneralization. Use fixed, comprehensive, and emotional language to label yourself or others.
"I am an idiot." "He is a bad guy."
Disqualifying the Positive: Unreasonably believe that positive experiences, behaviors or qualities do not count.
"I did a good job on that project, but it doesn't show that I am capable, it's just a fluke."
Jumping to Conclusions: Making a conclusion before having all the evidence.
"I see a cloud on the horizon. I'm bringing my umbrella because it's going to rain"
Mind-reading: in the absence of evidence, thinking that other people's reactions to you must be negative.
"He must think I can't do the job on this subject."
Emotional Reasoning: Draw conclusions from your own feelings, because what I think is what the facts are.
"I think I am like an idiot, so I must be an idiot."
Mental Filter (selective summary, partial generalization). Only pay attention to a certain negative detail, without seeing the whole picture.
"Because of the low scores in several items in my clinical internship evaluation, my clinical internship is over"
Magnification/Minimization: enlarge/reduce. When evaluating oneself, others, or a situation, unreasonably exaggerate the negative aspects and narrow the positive aspects.
"Getting a moderate evaluation shows how incapable I am. Getting a good score does not show that I am smart."
All or Nothing Thinking: (also known as black or white thinking). You can only look at two extremes, but you cannot see a continuum band.
"If I can't do everything well, I'm an incompetent person."
Personalization: Others treat you badly because you have problems without considering other possibilities.
"That colleague is very unkind to me. I must have offended her in some way."
Should and Must statements: There is a precise, fixed expectation of one's own or other people's behavior, and if the behavior does not meet the expectation, it is too serious or bad.
"That person should have said hello to me. They didn't so they must be irritated with me"