You're living in the shadow of someone else's expectations!
Of course you're going to feel this way -- You don't deserve that, and emotions are going to ensue. That is the human in us, and that is the human in you.
> Can’t make myself do anything anymore
Your motivation is tapped out from carrying these weights you never asked for. It's not your fault you feel this way.
> Im not achieving anything, no matter how hard i try
And you never will in the land of unreasonable expectations. Your work ethic isn't the issue, it's the impossible bar set before you.
> On my 6th month of doing barely anything and it’s already December
You're burnt out. It's okay to sit with that feeling for awhile. It takes time to realize it.
> I’m regretting that i didn’t use the time to achieve something meaningful
Regret comes from a decision. This wasn't a decision, you simply were not able to use the time as you imagined.
Mental health can be just as serious of an obstacle as broken bones. When your legs are sprained, you can't regret the run you couldn't take. When your brain is clouded by emotion, you can't regret the work you couldn't make.
> I have money, but i’m miserable and unhappy
There is an expectation placed upon you that money should make you happy.
It sure does not! And you are the living proof. There's nothing wrong with you. The expectation is wrong.
Shelter, security, and fulfillment make us happy. Money cannot help you acquire all these things.
> I feel ashamed of being that guy who is always depressed, angry and sad
You deserve to exist as you are. There is no shame in feeling this sadness and this anger. Emotions are part of the human experience. They do not ruin our value.
It's also natural for some people to have trouble with emotional company. Frequently people are taught to suppress emotions and that is projected onto others, perhaps this is happening to you.
I'm happy you're here today. I feel no shame or disappointment for you.
> All i dream of to make a contribution and somehow make an impact
You are on a quest for glory! If this quest is your own, and not from an expectation set before you, you will find your way.
You must take care of these feelings first however. It's all part of the quest or, if you prefer to see it this way, a prerequisite. You cannot conquer your dreams with this fog.
> Yet i struggle to find anyone who needs my help
I know one person who needs your help. It is the person who said this:
> I’m trying all my best to be a good person, yet i’m still not good enough for myself
You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. Your wellbeing matters!
> I’m thinking my (dead) grandparents would be embarrassed of me being such a looser
To be embarrassed of you means they had expectations of you. This is the shadow.
You are not a loser. This life is yours. You may do as you please with it.