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A practical guide to reducing loneliness

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Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#71

Post by em-bee »

throwawayboise wrote: post #66
selestify wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> This is why work friendships in my experience are quite easy, even for an introverted hermit like myself. Often common interests between people, and _tons_ of time bonding. Really depends on your team, in my experience. Nothing wrong at all with being a middle-aged parent who's too busy to do things with coworkers outside of work, of course. It's a workplace, and we're here to do work, not hang out. But my friendsh…

Yes, I am friendly with many people at work, but these relationships have never developed into anything beyond that.

same here. those people that became friends at work were those where we had a common interest besides work, and we would have become friends even if we had worked at different companies.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#72

Post by rozab »

FinanceAnon wrote: post #12

Very superficial advice. I don't see how small-talk with strangers can fix loneliness long term.

Anecdotally, people in solitary confinement become desperate for even the most mundane of social interactions. This implies there is some psychological need for them.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#73

Post by throwawayboise »

KittenInABox wrote: post #45
FinanceAnon wrote: post #12

Very superficial advice. I don't see how small-talk with strangers can fix loneliness long term.

I feel that getting into the habit of small-talk can long-term reduce loneliness (not fix it necessarily) because the human brain is wired to feel some benefit when interacting with other humans or even being in the presence of other humans. That's why, eg. even though writing is a fairly solitary action, writers are often stereotyped as constantly being in ambiently social places like bars and coffee shops. You may…

This is why I exercise at the gym instead of at home. I don't really know anyone at the gym (nor do I really make an effort to), but I recognize faces and get some motivation from being in a place with others who are all there for the same purpose. Just riding a stationary bike or lifting weights at home by myself is not a habit I have ever been able to develop.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#74

Post by read_if_gay_ »

danenania wrote: post #52
mattgreenrocks wrote: post #35

Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vulnerability is not required. Communication is stripped of almost all of its context, and is often asynchronous. There is little expectation of any sort of real commitment. People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. In sanitizing away the messiness of real…

I think of social media as "filler". It's similar to how empty calories trick our bodies into feeling full despite not providing any real nutrition.

Twitch is similar I find. It’s basically substitute human interaction. But I don’t think it’s all “empty calories” - it does really help against loneliness in my experience. Of course the real thing is going to be better for you, but obviously that’s not always available.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#76

Post by tartoran »

elric wrote: post #44
FinanceAnon wrote: post #12

Very superficial advice. I don't see how small-talk with strangers can fix loneliness long term.

A bit of small talk with (for instance) the mail man or the cashier every once in a while, adds up to a sort of superficial relationship over time. I would be loathe to say to say that this offers a "fix" for loneliness, but I also wouldn't trivialise the value of these types of relationships.

Being alone and far away from other people turns us somewhat savage. That's why these superficial interactions help, they are akin to walking around as a minimum type of movement one should do before it becomes a serious problem that requires a lot more effort to get out of.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#77

Post by bhalina »

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #35

Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vulnerability is not required. Communication is stripped of almost all of its context, and is often asynchronous. There is little expectation of any sort of real commitment. People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. In sanitizing away the messiness of real…

100% agree on lack of vulnerability. I am hoping that COVID-19 showed us that a social life on social media isn't a social life at all.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#78

Post by bhalina »

csdtx wrote: post #29

Loneliness comes from a lack of community and people who you can trust. You will not build a community and find people who you can trust through small talk and involving yourself in groups that are based on transient interests that can be changed in an instant. There is a reason gangs and groups have some sort of hazing and acceptance ceremony.

But can you make real connections without small talk first?

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#79

Post by mattgreenrocks »

bhalina wrote: post #77
mattgreenrocks wrote: post #35

Semi-related: I suspect a big draw of social media is that it resembles actual human communication while also conferring a lot more control to all parties. Vulnerability is not required. Communication is stripped of almost all of its context, and is often asynchronous. There is little expectation of any sort of real commitment. People are easily muted, unfollowed, and blocked. In sanitizing away the messiness of real…

100% agree on lack of vulnerability. I am hoping that COVID-19 showed us that a social life on social media isn't a social life at all.

Vulnerability can be seen as a lack of control. And I really believe our generation is terrible at it. We say we want authenticity, but I think we want authenticity from people like ourselves.

Also, social media encourages a very performative style of vulnerability: "let me write at length about a small quirk," ignoring the fact that anxiety basically runs their life to such an extent that they need Twitter as a social outlet.

Re: A practical guide to reducing loneliness

#80

Post by kayodelycaon »

throwawayboise wrote: post #68
conistonwater wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not true at all. Also, historically, there's been a trend of attributing negative things to depression. I've read John Cacioppo's work (here's an interview: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/04/how-lonel... ), and as far as I know it's both scientifically well-founded and at least somewhat actionable.

I would agree about attributing too much to depression. I'm not saying depression isn't real, but there's a motivator to attribute things to it because it creates more customers for pills that will allegedly fix it.

As someone who has depression (via bipolar), this over-attribution is real and it hurts those who actually need help. Medication is literally a life-saver for me but no one should be taking it if they don't need it.
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