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The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

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Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#71

Post by giovannibonetti »

ericmcer wrote: post #34

I recently read a story about two people on their death beds, both had worked hard and achieved success in their fields. One was happily reflective and talked about what a journey life had been, the other was upset and remorseful, talking about how much time he had wasted. I wonder if the contents of your life are secondary to your semi-hardwired emotional state. I am naturally somewhat anxious and hate wasting a day…

According to the documentary Happy [1], happiness is ~50% genetics and ~50% about what happens in your life. The most intriguing part for me was that major life events like getting married (happy) or becoming disabled (bad) don't affect so much happiness in the long run.

[1] https://www.thehappymovie.com/

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#72

Post by trianglem »

renjimen wrote: post #62
trianglem wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My memory of corporal punishment — three times in my life — was a reminder of the severity of how wrong something I did was and looking back at it was completely justified. It’s not fear as much as shock to remember the moment. The pain was insignificant and so there was no fear, at least for me.

If a child is old enough to understand (usually younger than you think, judging from my friends' children), they're old enough to deserve a conversation about why what they did was not a good thing. Will they act out again? Probably, but that only requires more energy and intelligence from the parent to educate their child. Corporal punishment is lazy, short-sighted parenting that is a "chronic, developmental stresso…

The problem with conversations is they sometimes end up turning into exactly what I was defining in my original comment above, a long drawn out attack on the child’s self worth. Just because something is quicker and feels cruder doesn’t automatically mean it’s lazy.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#73

Post by renjimen »

konjin wrote: post #67
renjimen wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What about the other half of the population? It's an interesting quote but it doesn't explain why women also experience midlife crises. Could it simply be that a focus on career and modern nuclear families provide less satisfaction for the middle aged? That might explain the diminished patriarchal/matriarchal aspects for men and women.

Having listened to a few women going through theirs: kids. Either not having them, the kids not meeting their mothers expectations or the kids never wanting to see their mothers again once they grow up.

What do we have to blame for that, do you think? Encouraging independence? Expectation inflation from social media?

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#74

Post by Retric »

borroka wrote: post #63
redelbee wrote: post #31

I just finished reading “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) and she brought up a related and interesting idea I can paraphrase: In midlife we’re concerned with status and our outward appearance, which can hinder creative output. Then we get older and realize that we don’t care what anyone thinks about us, which can lead to more creative risk taking and accomplishmen…

"nobody is thinking about you (except you) so it’s not worth concerning yourself with status or outside validation." This is often repeated, but it is so untrue that I don't get why well-intentioned people repeat it. Nobody thinks about me as much as I think about me, but some make decisions, be romantic, professional, based on what they think about me, that is my appearance, my status, my money, my family. As usual,…

Expect they don’t think about you, just the surface details that they can see.

At ~35 most people can fake it well enough that external validation is largely meaningless. Which quickly leads to a feeling it’s just fake and by 40 became disillusioned with work, disenchanted with relationships and detached from family responsibilities.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#76

Post by blendo »

This rings true:

“Anderson's analysis shows that those born in 1891 could expect to inherit from their parents at the age of 37, while they still had children at home and when their oldest child was ‘at best only just entering the labour force’. By contrast, those born in 1946 could expect to wait until 56 before both parents had died, that is well after their children had left home, leaving middle-aged parents in the second half of the twentieth century vulnerable to economic constraints, particularly when they were sandwiched between caring for children and caring for elderly parents.”

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#77

Post by closeparen »

trianglem wrote: post #57
closeparen wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What makes you say you can quickly move on? Isn’t it the whole point to create a powerful memory that instills lasting fear and influences all future decisions?

My memory of corporal punishment — three times in my life — was a reminder of the severity of how wrong something I did was and looking back at it was completely justified. It’s not fear as much as shock to remember the moment. The pain was insignificant and so there was no fear, at least for me.

I guess we are talking about different things. Parents of traditional/conservative households in my neighborhood would routinely strike their kids with heavy implements, over and over for at least several minutes, inflicting serious pain. Kids would adapt and their pain tolerances would increase, they'd try to hide it, their parents would find out and escalate. It was a whole thing.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#78

Post by throwaway2245 »

borroka wrote: post #63
redelbee wrote: post #31

I just finished reading “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) and she brought up a related and interesting idea I can paraphrase: In midlife we’re concerned with status and our outward appearance, which can hinder creative output. Then we get older and realize that we don’t care what anyone thinks about us, which can lead to more creative risk taking and accomplishmen…

"nobody is thinking about you (except you) so it’s not worth concerning yourself with status or outside validation." This is often repeated, but it is so untrue that I don't get why well-intentioned people repeat it. Nobody thinks about me as much as I think about me, but some make decisions, be romantic, professional, based on what they think about me, that is my appearance, my status, my money, my family. As usual,…

> people are not thinking as much about them anymore

I disagree. I don't observe much difference in this sense, but I feel more free to be my authentic self without worrying about how that might be perceived by people who are not a meaningful part of my life.

I only recognise the meaning in "life begins at 40" since I reached it.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#79

Post by vlovich123 »

redelbee wrote: post #31

I just finished reading “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) and she brought up a related and interesting idea I can paraphrase: In midlife we’re concerned with status and our outward appearance, which can hinder creative output. Then we get older and realize that we don’t care what anyone thinks about us, which can lead to more creative risk taking and accomplishmen…

It can also just be a reflection. Regardless of what everyone else thinks of me, what do I think about me? Where do I want the next phase of life for me to go? What have I accomplished? What do I accomplish next?

I don’t think any one person can claim an authoritative view on what the framing of the experience of it has to be like.

Re: The demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis

#80

Post by lilsoso »

borroka wrote: post #63
redelbee wrote: post #31

I just finished reading “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame) and she brought up a related and interesting idea I can paraphrase: In midlife we’re concerned with status and our outward appearance, which can hinder creative output. Then we get older and realize that we don’t care what anyone thinks about us, which can lead to more creative risk taking and accomplishmen…

"nobody is thinking about you (except you) so it’s not worth concerning yourself with status or outside validation." This is often repeated, but it is so untrue that I don't get why well-intentioned people repeat it. Nobody thinks about me as much as I think about me, but some make decisions, be romantic, professional, based on what they think about me, that is my appearance, my status, my money, my family. As usual,…

I agree. The common saying "nobody is thinking about you (except you)" is specious.

Upon examination it falls apart. You think about others, albeit not everyone you encounter but the people you care about. Why wouldn't they think about you? Either you're unique in that you're the only person who thinks about others or you're invisible to them.

And as you point out, your image in the mind of others translates into tangible results: money, sex, etc.

Looking at social media, we can prove the point further: some people are thought about much more than others.

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