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A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

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Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#71

Post by jaclaz »

dathinab wrote: post #46

I wonder why it's flagged, the article is clearly trying the best to be reasonable impartial. It's also well known that sometimes, in some countries maybe more then others, decisions wrt. children are biased toward mother's. I have seen one such case in my environment myself. I belive it is important that such Curt decisions are based on the combination of the situation both parents are in and guidelines in a imparti…

Personally, I don't understand why it is flagged (there is IMHO no reason for flagging), but I have rarely seen a more unilateral and partial report.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#72

Post by tathougies »

miker64 wrote: post #68
tathougies wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That's simply the continuation of a societal expectation that women will do the 'mothering.' You are ignoring biological reality. The reason why this happens in 'hetero' couples is that the woman has an obvious physical relationship with the child. This doesn't happen in gay male couples because neither of the fathers can have this relationship. In lesbian couples, it's common for the non-bio mother to not only fee…

I'm in a hetro marriage, my kids come to me for 'mothering,' in about equal measure as they do to my wife. And they did that when they were infants as well. My wife did not do well without a solid nights sleep, and I was used to oncall work, all night nursing was me. This was equitable, as well as playing to our strengths and weaknesses. There is no reason to have iron rules of we must each do every parenting action…

That's great, but sharing my experience was not a call for others to add their own experience or to critique mine. If you want to share, please share on the top-level comment.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#74

Post by talentedcoin »

dathinab wrote: post #46

I wonder why it's flagged, the article is clearly trying the best to be reasonable impartial. It's also well known that sometimes, in some countries maybe more then others, decisions wrt. children are biased toward mother's. I have seen one such case in my environment myself. I belive it is important that such Curt decisions are based on the combination of the situation both parents are in and guidelines in a imparti…

Because it's a wall-of-text screed that's unlikely to lead to an interesting discussion on HN.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#75

Post by giantg2 »

markvdb wrote: post #60
giantg2 wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

650 a month is neccessary for a life not to be rubbish? Don't forget he's paying half the existing mortgage and needs to find a new place to live and support himself. It alludes to those costs adding up to be greater than the 1600 per month he makes...

What I've seen the alimony paying parent do in Belgium on the financial side: - start to work part time as an employee. - formally earn about the relatively high non-impoundable minimum. - pay zero alimony. - start a limited liability company to do business. - have the business pay himself/herself zero wages, just benefits in kind (no or low tax).

Yeah, I've heard of similar things in the US. I think it requires going to court to have the amount reduced or eliminated. I think it usually requires that the change in occupation be involuntarily (like being fired or laid off) so that people can't game the system that way.

And sometimes the system fails the other direction too. My wife's father got divorced and had a high paying job, so he was required to pay a lot of child support. He was in a car accident which resulted in him being in a coma for months. Since he wasn't making money during that time in the hospital, his bank account was emptied and the court issued an arrest warrant since the child support was not being paid. He lost his job and was never able to get a new one. He's now living on food stamps and waiting to reach the social security age. The family court system ruined his life.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#76

Post by giantg2 »

candiodari wrote: post #70
giantg2 wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The main problem I see with this is finances. It will cost more for two people living separately than together. I strongly believe that most divorces would logically and financially require the existing house to be sold so that two smaller/cheaper residences can be bought or rented. This is espesially important to financial stability in instances where child support is dictated by an arbitrary formula (which tends to…

We live in a democracy and clearly, no, this isn't what people want. They want people to not lose any living standard over something "they can't help" like a divorce, and of course all animals are equal but some are more equal (kids and women). This money is not allowed to come from the state or justice system so it must come from the only source it can come from: whoever actually earns money. So if you divorce, you…

My wife's father got divorced and had a high paying job, so he was required to pay a lot of child support. He was in a car accident which resulted in him being in a coma for months. Since he wasn't making money during that time in the hospital, his bank account was emptied and the court issued an arrest warrant since the child support was not being paid. He lost his job and was never able to get a new one. He's now living on food stamps and waiting to reach the social security age. The family court system ruined his life.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#77

Post by etergri »

SiempreViernes wrote: post #49
dathinab wrote: post #46

I wonder why it's flagged, the article is clearly trying the best to be reasonable impartial. It's also well known that sometimes, in some countries maybe more then others, decisions wrt. children are biased toward mother's. I have seen one such case in my environment myself. I belive it is important that such Curt decisions are based on the combination of the situation both parents are in and guidelines in a imparti…

Did you read that comic at the start and get the impression the judge ruling in favour of the mother to get money from a webdeveloper was a impartial account of events?

Unjustified flagging. This is NO misogynist article: there is A CLEAR reason why judges are biased towards mothers (I'm speaking for Italy) and this has NOTHING TO DO WITH GENDER. Read it all before flagging (unless you're an italian magistrate, in that case I definitely know why you did it).

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#78

Post by candiodari »

onion2k wrote: post #34

The crux of the argument here seems to be that the author doesn't want to pay 650euros a month in child support for his kid. I have very little sympathy. The important person in all of this is the child, not him. His life is going to suck and he'll have no money. That's unfortunate but if the choice is between his life being rubbish and the child's life being rubbish it's a bit of a no-brainer.

It's funny how moral systems work. Obviously what you say is the system we have democratically chosen to use, and yet you get downvoted seriously ...

So people want this system, even to the point they're willing to destroy people's lives over it (mostly, but not exclusively, men's lives), and yet they consider it offensive if one points out the nature and consequences of this choice.

There are other consequences too: obviously it is easy for the man to avoid this responsibility: simply lose your job. There's a legal saying "you can't force blood from a stone". In other words, if this man wants out from under his responsibility, he is guaranteed to achieve that, laws or no laws. And yet that, too, people are unwilling to consider and I'm sure is offensive to bring up too.

If you think it through, you'll realise that this system gives the power to the person willing to do the most damage to the other and the child and because of the preexisting conflict encourages exactly that. This guy can cause repossession of the house, take away 2/3rds of the woman's income, and have child services take the child away. And there is absolutely nothing any additional laws or judgements can do to prevent this, in other words, the judge, any social help and/or the police are totally powerless to do anything about it. Obviously if this guy plays hardball negotiation, if he is willing to use the child to get what he wants (just like the woman was using the child in the court case), he will obviously win such a negotiation, especially if he can fall back on his parents for living expenses. He is threatening, after all, to damage himself, and her only recourse ... is to damage him. In other words, she has no recourse. The judge has no recourse. Social services have no recourse. They will lose if he presses through.

You don't believe this will be the result? Ask child protection services for their "most common problem". This is it.

I'll get downvoted as well I think.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#79

Post by frenchman_in_ny »

I can relate to this. I have spent the better part of two years in court proceedings.

In terms of child support, New York State is one of the few states that doesn't take into account parenting time when setting child support. Custody is solely determined by who earns $1 less than the other parent.

And NY courts have thrown up their hands saying "the legislature chose not to include it, it's not our problem". Sigh... The moment you (re-)discover that legal =! right.

Re: A divorce in Italy destroyed my researcher career

#80

Post by jk20 »

Reading these unbelievable stories gets me thinking that women should again be deprived of voting rights; or at least excluded from the judicial system. After all, parenthood is based on the basic concept of biological/genetic ownership, which is more fundamental than a legal decision of some emotionally frustrated judge or a social worker.

If a woman wants to leave relationship without good reason, there is a simple way for her to pack her belongings and head for the exit, it's not like she should be allowed to appropriate somebody else's children or money.

Women should really be granted complete equality with men in this area,and treated like any other stupid thief, and be locked up. Maybe even Hillary will finally end up in prison once it's clarified who Chelsea's father really is.

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