Competition and Quarter-Life Crises

I quit that job, worked on a startup for 9 months. It failed. I got another job. Soon I'm going to start working on another startup. I started taking my social and dating life more seriously. Like much more seriously. In my 20s, I'd be lucky to get invited to do stuff every couple of months. My weekends are full of stuff these days. I rarely dated, but over the past few years I've rejected women, I've been rejected by women. I'm still not where I want to be: I'd like to build a successful startup, I'd like to have a solid long-term relationship and family, I want to leave my mark on this world.

But honestly -- as someone that's hyper-competitive -- competition isn't healthy. It makes me an asshole and even though, frankly, I do win a lot, it's not as fulfilling as a night out on a great date. Or chatting with friends about the meaning of life. Or enjoying the best damn crème brûlée you've ever had. Winning comes at a cost. Compartmentalizing competition is probably one of the most important character milestones I've achieved yet.

Most software companies basically never responded back. The ones that did told me that I didn't have enough experience.

12 months later, I finally got a job, at some small startup that has its good and bad points. The first thing I'm noticing: university was felt much harder and I felt I was learning a lot more there.

I feel completely demotivated that most companies (and all big companies) weren't considering me when I applied to them (and probably still aren't). It crushed my motivation and now I am simply performing to expectations. It does mean my work is quite relaxing :)

Example:

At my work, I recently learned a bit more about React hooks. I knew they existed, but never used them and this time I learned a bit on using them.

In my final university course I learned how to perform Meltdown/Spectre, read security papers and even more advanced attacks.

If you are envious or jealous of someone's accomplishments or wealth, you must realize that it's impossible to be in that individual's position without taking onboard all the baggage that comes with it. Sure, Warren Buffet is rich, but would you like to swap with him and be 90 years old? Sure, that engineer is getting promoted faster than you, but do you also want their mental health issues?

It's a pernicious fiction to only imagine swapping a single characteristic (their success) and forgetting or not knowing about all the ways in which you're better off (fitness, friends, family, mental health, age).

Maybe the people you surround yourself with treat their children like that, but I don't think they, and in turn, your observation can be generalized to all of Chinese.

Same with your generalization with your personal experience, not sure if you're American, but there are plenty Americans(or whichever country you're from) who put a lot of pressure on their children to perform well in what they do, maybe you are just not one of them.