A researcher on how to live a happy life • Hacker News Board

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#71

Post by heavenlyblue » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 7:58 PM UTC

baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

If you tell yourself that the real world is irrelevant, it makes you more irrelevant in the real world.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#72

Post by leoh » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 7:59 PM UTC

baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

A preponderance of religions and philosophies that advocate changing the way one thinks does not mean that most people subscribe to them. Most people are insanely dogmatic including self-described Buddhists (such as those on Myanmar that are cruel to Rohingya), Jews (that abuse Palestinians), Christians (I don't need to describe their flaws), and Muslims. There are tenets of each faith that advocate viewing the world in a more open and relaxed manner. Almost all adherents of these religions and philosophies ignore those parts.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#73

Post by indigochill » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:00 PM UTC

dr_dshiv wrote: post #30

lordleft wrote: post #23

Some overlap with Stoicism here. From the Enchiridion of Epictetus: 1. Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but…

Here are some of my favorite Epictetus quotes: Chapter 8 Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whatever way they happen: this is the path to peace. Chapter 9 Sickness is a problem for the body, not the mind -- unless the mind decides that it is a problem. Lameness, too, is the body’s problem, not the mind’s. Say this to yourself whatever the circumstance and you will find without fa…

> ...avoid things that other people control, because then you must serve as their slave.

A good mantra for self-hosted FOSS as well, come to think of it.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#74

Post by closeparen » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:01 PM UTC

How to be sad? Convince yourself that your fundamental human needs are not okay, that they only affect you because you are not strong or virtuous enough.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#75

Post by serniebanders » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:04 PM UTC

I can confidently say that I am happy. Everybody close to me thinks that I was born happy and positive but they couldn't be more wrong. Achieving a permanent state of happiness took years of active mental exercises. Since I don't have any credible psychology background, nobody listens to my suggestions in real life. I doubt anybody would take me seriously here as well, but... all I have is time so this will help someone find their own path to happiness.

The first exercise I did in my pursuit of happiness was to understand what it means to be a happy person.

1. (At night) Would a happy person reach for the bottle of scotch? Why would he?

2. Knowing what I know about animal farming, would a happy person enjoy eating meat as much as currently am?

3. Would a happy person be as frustrated as I am with an under performing co-worker?

Once I had an idea of what a happy 'me' would do, I started going down a journey of self reflection. Why am I doing the things a happy me wouldn't do?

The whole journey helps me gain a higher resolution into my feelings and once my mind and my feelings are aligned, the negative feelings went away. My ability to empathize (initially I did not even know what that was) was no longer suppressed. Nowadays, negative feelings are rare, but every negative feeling and pain I feel is an opportunity to align my feelings and my logic.

I believe this: You will never be happy following someone's else's happy path.

You will be happy once you find the courage to confront your demons, reflect, and understand yourself better. Our minds does good job at hiding you from finding these demons, so a big part of the journey is finding and identifying them.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#76

Post by ErikVandeWater » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:05 PM UTC

dr_dshiv wrote: post #30

lordleft wrote: post #23

Some overlap with Stoicism here. From the Enchiridion of Epictetus: 1. Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions. The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but…

Here are some of my favorite Epictetus quotes: Chapter 8 Don’t hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whatever way they happen: this is the path to peace. Chapter 9 Sickness is a problem for the body, not the mind -- unless the mind decides that it is a problem. Lameness, too, is the body’s problem, not the mind’s. Say this to yourself whatever the circumstance and you will find without fa…

A lot of philosophy and "wisdom" is in telling people what they should do and probably already try to do without giving them the tools to do it.

A wise person realizes it is silly to tell someone "Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want" without giving them real tools to address their feelings.

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#77

Post by hprotagonist » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:05 PM UTC

asdfologist wrote: post #40

hprotagonist wrote: post #9

I have long regarded happiness in the same category as grace: it is an undeserved and unasked for free gift. An epiphenomena that is not a consequence of, but happens along with, other positive actions. And for me that's living a less self-centered life. I am happy when what I do with my life enriches the lives of others. But being transactional about this ruins the game. It is, among other things, the opposite of ze…

This pretty much sums up Christian ethics.

I didn't say it was a particularly original idea. :)

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#78

Post by indigochill » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:05 PM UTC

asciimo wrote: post #37

So if you ask people if they’d be happier living in California or the Midwest, most people say California. Actually the regions have comparable life satisfaction, but people say California because they think of the weather and fail to take account of other things, such as the fact that California is full of tedious hippies. The author does not cite research about about how "tedious hippies" make people sad, nor demog…

I've lived in both places. I'd be open to going back to lots of places in the Midwest. I'd only move back to the Sierra Nevada foothills in California (where there are still tedious hippies, but they're more my kind of tedious hippies).

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#79

Post by asdff » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:08 PM UTC

heavenlyblue wrote: post #71

baron_harkonnen wrote: post #69

> Almost no one thinks about actively retraining the way they think. In fact, I don’t think this last idea even crosses most of our minds. Really? I'm pretty sure there are thousands of years of philosophical and religious traditions that teach something along the lines of "looking for happiness in the external world is a bad idea, instead try working on yourself". I mean the four noble truths of Buddhism, a religion…

If you tell yourself that the real world is irrelevant, it makes you more irrelevant in the real world.

Do you need to be relevant?

Re: A researcher on how to live a happy life

#80

Post by russellbeattie » Thu, Jul 02, 2020, 8:09 PM UTC

All other things being equal, happiness is 100% chemical.

Either you're naturally happy, or you're not. Additional chemicals (natural or artificial) can help adjust the dopamine, seratonin and norepinephrine levels that we sense as pleasure for a short time, but that's not happiness.

You can be an unhappy rich person, a poor happy one. You can be a happy paraplegic, or an unhappy Olympic level athlete. You can be happy while in prison, or unhappy while free. You can be happy in chronic pain and happy under intense stress. Or the opposite. Hell could be lonliness, or hell could be other people. It's 100% individual.

Accepting your natural state resets the bar, and lets you live peacefully. Everything else is just trying to be something you're not.