People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige • Hacker News Board

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#71

Post by scandox » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:22 PM UTC

pjc50 wrote: post #52

lordnacho wrote: post #4

Heh this is only a very mild version of status obsession. To a degree it's actually a good thing to want, so long as you stay committed to doing the actual work of getting successful. What amuses me to no end is when I see a rich guy who wants to keep being in the news. As if to say "see, I actually deserve all this wealth". I've seen several of these people over the years. Somehow the media keep calling them to comm…

Dignity is really, really undervalued in the present era. Perhaps because it's hard to monetise.

Dignity is fragile and difficult to measure. We live in an age of obsessive measuring. Unrecorded experience has become an object of dread and suspicion. I would say dignity is almost an offense to the spirit of the age.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#72

Post by everdrive » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:27 PM UTC

"People who are excited by posthumous fame forget that the people who remember them will soon die too. And those after them in turn. Until their memory, passed from one to another like a candle flame, gutters and goes out.

But suppose that those who remembered you were immortal and your memory undying. What good would it do you? And I don't just mean when you're dead, but in your own lifetime. What use is praise, except to make your lifestyle a little more comfortable?"

- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#73

Post by collyw » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:29 PM UTC

kstenerud wrote: post #65

I have the opposite problem. I have zero drive for status & prestige, but rather follow my passions no matter how unfashionable they are. And it hurts my career. I don't have twitter followers who fall over themselves to offer me a job the very second I enter the job market. I can't shame a company or other big entity for behaving badly. I have very little leverage for many important career-improving opportunities be…

I hate the idea that developers should have blogs. I see the advantage in using it to market yourself, but I write code for a living not blogs.

There isn't that much information that I feel the need to share with the world, and for the things I do (that would be career related), I don't usually have the time and motivation to write them up properly.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#74

Post by dkh » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:29 PM UTC

kstenerud wrote: post #65

I have the opposite problem. I have zero drive for status & prestige, but rather follow my passions no matter how unfashionable they are. And it hurts my career. I don't have twitter followers who fall over themselves to offer me a job the very second I enter the job market. I can't shame a company or other big entity for behaving badly. I have very little leverage for many important career-improving opportunities be…

Do your passion projects have some sort of tangible output you could show people or talk about? Have you acquired/mastered skills to do said passion projects? You probably have more to offer employers, or to put on your CV, than you think. Social clout is nice, but not at all a prerequisite for career advancement, nor even the best route there.

What sorts of opportunities have you missed?

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#75

Post by lm28469 » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:30 PM UTC

> Unfortunately, after a year of purposely trying, I was still not becoming Elon Musk nor any other “successful” person. Despite reading everyday, meditating, getting up early, taking cold showers, and many more things. But what makes these guys successful anyway? Their fame? Money? Contribution to society?

And wearing grey t-shirts won't make you Zuckerberg [0]. You don't become a 0.00000001%er by mimicking the most meaningless aspect of their life.

Seems to me that this is particularly affecting people who aren't satisfied with themselves / rarely reflect on themselves and get caught in the rat race without ever pausing to look around. You can always be more successful, earn more money buy more gadgets, have a nicer car, more awards, it's an endless quest, but if you're empty inside these things won't help you.

[0] https://careers.workopolis.com/advice/the-reason-mark-zucker...

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#76

Post by shmageggy » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:30 PM UTC

pjc50 wrote: post #48

> She would say, “Dave, you only got one award this year. Remember when you won seven last year?” > If it wasn’t that, maybe it was also because I am gay. My mother was never really happy about this Ah, the absolute pinnacle of neurosis parenting. That's a solid one-two punch to the child's psyche, which gives them a drive to please while at the same time ensuring it can never be met. Well done; you ensured your chil…

This is it. When we're young and the main/only positive feedback we receive is due to our achievements, it becomes part of our identity and source of self worth. Such a common trap for the combo of smart kid and anxious or narcissistic parents.

After a bunch of therapy I eventually realized that many of my similar behaviors to OP were driven by a false belief that anything less than stellar success would result in annihilation. I felt like I had no worth if I couldn't achieve/succeed/impress. And of course I would feel that way because that's how I derived all of my worth as a child.

At the end of the article the author mentions considering therapy. I really hope he does it.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#77

Post by DoubleGlazing » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:30 PM UTC

philbarr wrote: post #55

DoubleGlazing wrote: post #15

I look at this from the opposite perspective, the person who doesn't care much for success and prestige but has to deal with the toxic side-effects of those that do. I grew up an only child in as single parent household where I was taught that it's better to quietly build a stable secure foundation for your life, rather than to put yourself "out there" and hope for the best. My mothers attitude was that it is better…

How do people like that ever get investment? Like, surely the investors must think, "well, they just screwed up their last 4 or 5 startups so maybe I'll keep my money."

Be good at selling yourself and your ideas. Try to hide your failures. Go after smaller niche VCs who don't have the resources to do proper due diligence. Play to investors greed and ego. Manipulate figures. Claim you are speaking with multiple potential funders.

At the end of the day investors are human too and suscetiple to.maniulatiin, even though they may think they are more savvy than they actually are.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#78

Post by [deleted] » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:31 PM UTC

philbarr wrote: post #56

akhilcacharya wrote: post #9

> Got a FAANG internship? Well it wasn’t one of the good FAANGs, so if you really think about it, you really didn’t accomplish anything. This is funny because I’ve been straight up told this by multiple people. It’s not neuroticism, it’s the simple fact that hierarchies exist.

Which ones are the "bad" FAANGs?

[deleted]

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#79

Post by kstenerud » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:33 PM UTC

dkh wrote: post #74

kstenerud wrote: post #65

I have the opposite problem. I have zero drive for status & prestige, but rather follow my passions no matter how unfashionable they are. And it hurts my career. I don't have twitter followers who fall over themselves to offer me a job the very second I enter the job market. I can't shame a company or other big entity for behaving badly. I have very little leverage for many important career-improving opportunities be…

Do your passion projects have some sort of tangible output you could show people or talk about? Have you acquired/mastered skills to do said passion projects? You probably have more to offer employers, or to put on your CV, than you think. Social clout is nice, but not at all a prerequisite for career advancement, nor even the best route there. What sorts of opportunities have you missed?

Oh yes, I have plenty of good skills and products from my passion projects (all on github, like a good boy). I'm not saying that I'm at a minus there. I'm a craftsman; my technical chops are top notch, and have both breadth and depth. It's only my social capital that is lacking, and that has often left me as the odd-man-out whenever politics happen at work, for example.

Re: People Who Are Obsessed with Success and Prestige

#80

Post by ck425 » Tue, Jan 07, 2020, 1:33 PM UTC

csomar wrote: post #33

> Looking back, I also feel like I was frequently compared agaisnst other children. As a reminder that life is a competition, and you don’t want to be behind. I don't know how old you are but life is a competition. At the very fundamental level, all species are competing with each other for survival. Your mother was not mislead, she knows that in order to survive in this jungle, you need to be competitive. And given…

That depends, what is your goal? If you're goal is to lead a happy life then not comparing yourself to others is good advice.