Earlier quoted context omitted.
Sheep are rational agents when they are surrounded by wolves.
Being a wolf is preferable nonetheless.
Depends if there are unguarded sheeps nearby, wolves are in extinction in some places, sheeps are not.
The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
71–80 of 249 posts
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#72Earlier quoted context omitted.
You said stall so I am onboard with your disgust. This always reminds me about a Richard Feynman story where he'd stand in the bathroom and ridicule people who washed their hands after using the urinal, saying the urine was sterile anyway. I find that kind of hilarious. Colleagues complained all the time, like "well I was headed to lunch anyway and always wash my hands before lunch"
The first spurts of urine aren't actually sterile, nevermind the area around the urinal (where there's probably a non-zero chance of transfer). Ultimately washing hands is for the benefit of other people. It just shows conscientiousness.
It makes your hands dry, though.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#73I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…
"not offending others by asking sensitive questions/Avoiding awkward" is the polite thing to do. But a core part of being polite, is not hruting others through your actions directly or undirectly. ( or at least trying) In cases where not asking the question puts the other party in a disadvantage or at the risk thereof, I feel one shouldn't be allowed to claim that one was being polite or "doing the right thing". You…
>But a core part of being polite, is not hurting others through your actions directly or indirectly. ( or at least trying)
The problem is wanting the notion of politeness to do too much work. Being polite, being nice, is just a moment to moment strategy for avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, niceness has become the most important virtue in American culture.
Being good is much more profound, and niceness is just one of the many tools you can use to achieve it. Sometimes being good entails being harsh. Sometimes it means doing things that will upset others.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#74I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…
The worst one for me was the guy who didn’t wash his hands after using the restroom. One day, one of my team members told me about this, and I didn’t believe him, ha ha, so a few days later I’m in the restroom and this guy comes out of a stall and just walks out the door. So about a week later my guy who’d complained about it had some problem with one of our other systems, and who do they send over to help him out? Y…
You got it backwards - toilet seats are cleaner than computer keyboards.
https://www.center4research.org/bacteria-computer-keyboards-...
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#75What is a sensitive question? Not the examples provided. Here’s an alternative. Former Secretary of Defense for two presidents Donald Rumsfeld once framed (brilliantly actually) the possible things we know. ... there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we d…
You can be surprised by yourself. Going to ski lessons and finding yourself good at it because your parents took you when you were five years old and you had forgotten you knew how to do it. You can be questioned by police as a witness and uncover details you didn't realize you knew. You can meet with old friends from high school who you didn't recognize.
Unknown knowns is not a sensitive category by default, though it can be triggering uncovering painful weaknesses.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#76I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…
I once had a manager who smelled terrible, and this had a bad impact on work. People hated getting into meetings for feedback or addressing concerns.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#77People prefer to quit a job or fire an employee before having a difficult conversation.
Quitting/firing is a difficult conversation to have.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#78I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…
A part of it is certain power dynamics in play.
See this thread https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21766903
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#79Earlier quoted context omitted.
Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.
1. just be yourself 2. Be kind and be generous hmmmm? one does not follow 2
Just pretend that you are being yourself. This should satisfy the person above as long as he does not find out.
Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions
#80Hmm, in my head, I model conversation as a game of who can get the mine the most "intimacy", if you will, while revealing the least about oneself. So risque topics are, as the adjective suggests, high risk, but also high reward. Correspondingly, small talk is a lot of low risk, low reward back-and-forth. You don't have to be intimate with a stranger, but you need to stick your neck out if you want to progress beyond…
That is a trait I've seen in a lot of my autistic patients. Are you on the spectrum/have you been tested?
I did not get the diagnosis, but I was very close. I hate talking and listening to people, but since it is important in workplace I do it and I view it as transactional because if I hate it and I would rather by nature not talk or listen why should I not try to use it as something as an attempt to benefit me.
Of course I have also been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety.
I think I excel in work interviews and first dates because I have time to plan for these scenarios, but I am terrible I'm group situations and day to day activities. Once I get the job I just work and try to avoid communication as much as possible.