71–80 of 355 posts
This seems like a guide to passive aggressively manipulating others for your own gain. Am I missing something?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It lets the other person know that you think so little of them that you're willing to communicate with them in an artificial manner meant to manipulate them into complying. It's the antithesis of humane; it's an impersonal and heartless mode of communication masking itself as empathetic. That's the way I feel when people use it on me.
I'm curious what your rendition of "empathetic" is in this case.
The appearance of caring about my feelings, the apparent empathy, is only a facade. The other party doesn't care about my feelings, they care about my compliance. The apparent care for my feelings is motivated by their belief that presenting themselves as empathetic will make my compliance more likely.
The overall experience is dehumanizing.
"How to be passive aggressive"
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's not passive aggressive. That's a direct ask, to your face, just worded softly.
It's not a "direct ask". The "would you be willing to" hides the direct question behind weasel words and adds confusion. The additional phrase equivocates the person's initial point; now it is ambigious if the person asking about the food cares at all about the food itself, or is just curious about if the person would be willing . The person could say "Yes" and then nothing will change, because this is not a "direct…
Something that I took from this book is to try and do the communication from the listener’s side—extract the four steps from people who are assaulting you with demands.
This meshes surprisingly well with other books on the subject, like Getting to Yes, which is about negotiation.
Being nice to others is not problem if you do not need anything from them. But if you want to force someone to do what he doesn't want to do, that is a problem. And being empathic doesn't always help.
Being nice to others is not problem if you do not need anything from them. But if you want to force someone to do what he doesn't want to do, that is a problem. And being empathic doesn't always help.
If you are empathetic it is easier to force people to do something they don’t want. It costs less political capital and you won’t suffer as much of a backlash.
This is why it unnerves so many people who aren't acclimatized to corporate artificiality.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm curious what your rendition of "empathetic" is in this case.
When somebody communicates with me using NVC, it feels like they are treating me like a cog in the machine that needs adjusting. They're approaching the conversation with a goal-oriented mindset, where engineering circumstances that result in my compliance is a puzzle they've been tasked with solving. The appearance of caring about my feelings, the apparent empathy, is only a facade. The other party doesn't care abou…
> it feels like they are treating me like a cog in the machine that needs adjusting.
You’re using the NVC pattern in this comment, almost exactly. It’s very close. The part missing is where you suggest a course of action. How would you like to be treated?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
When somebody communicates with me using NVC, it feels like they are treating me like a cog in the machine that needs adjusting. They're approaching the conversation with a goal-oriented mindset, where engineering circumstances that result in my compliance is a puzzle they've been tasked with solving. The appearance of caring about my feelings, the apparent empathy, is only a facade. The other party doesn't care abou…
> When somebody communicates with me using NVC, > it feels like they are treating me like a cog in the machine that needs adjusting. You’re using the NVC pattern in this comment, almost exactly. It’s very close. The part missing is where you suggest a course of action. How would you like to be treated?
Suggested course of action: stop talking to people using modes of communication you learned at corporate seminars.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> When somebody communicates with me using NVC, > it feels like they are treating me like a cog in the machine that needs adjusting. You’re using the NVC pattern in this comment, almost exactly. It’s very close. The part missing is where you suggest a course of action. How would you like to be treated?
I've received NVC training and I think using it in this discussion is an ironic way of getting my point across, since the point is that I have no respect for people who use NVC. Suggested course of action: stop talking to people using modes of communication you learned at corporate seminars.